I'm Not Who You Think

Chapter 18: is this what happiness feels like?

I'd like to say that Jake and I had problems.

I'd like to say that everything went bad fast.

Or that he suddenly turned mean.

But that's not the case.

Maybe it's true what they say,

You have to love yourself,

Before you can love anyone else.

Perhaps I'm jumping ahead of myself.

It was perfect for a while.

And by perfect,

There were moments,

That were so beautiful--

I really did cry.

Jake and I obviously,

Started hanging out a lot more.

We didn't do much,

Just sit in his bedroom,

Listen to music and talk.

But it was so perfect.

I remember the first time we kissed--

Well kissed sober.

It was goofy.

After we came home from the movies,

We saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre,

With a few other friends.

He held my hand during the movie.

And bought everything.

I dropped him off at his house after.

There was that awkward moment before

He got out of the car,

Our eyes locked.

And slowly we both started leaning forward.

And the kiss happened.

Our teeth ended up knocking.

Only for us to laugh and try again,

Before he walked to his door.

Every morning I woke up to texts that read:

"Good morning beautiful."

I started to get used to it.

It felt like--

I guess--

This is what happy felt like.

But then why was I so afraid?

***

We were lying together in his bed,

Music softly playing in the background.

My head on his chest,

His body warmth comforting.

Remembering Sunday came on.

He started singing softly,

As he ran his fingers through my hair.

I closed my eyes.

And listened to his voice.

It wasn't angelic or anything.

But it was calming.

"Forgive me I'm trying to find,

My calling I'm calling at night,