I'm Not Who You Think

Chapter 8: Jakes POV; Oh Well, Oh Well.

Empty.  

I suppose that's one word to describe me.  

Nothing inside.

No feeling. Nothing.

Empty.

How I feel on a daily basis, 

But it's so much better than being 

Full.

Full of 

Memories.  

Heartache. 

Loneliness.  

Suicidal thoughts  

Food.

Especially better than being full of food.  

The one thing in my life I have full control over.  

I used to give in, 

Just eat whenever and whatever.

Until one day I passed by a mirror, 

And wanted to throw up.

It started when I was 13.  

I just started eating less and less, 

And felt lighter and lighter.

More and more empty.

The feeling became normal, 

I found comfort in the hunger pains.  

Seeing the pounds drop-- 

Well that became an addiction.  

Before I knew it, 

I was skinnier than most of the girls I knew.

Now I'm a junior in highschool.  

17 years.  

6 feet tall.  

115 pounds.  

I want to be weightless.  

Perfect.

Empty.

***  

Sam grabbed my hand, 

And I laced my fingers through hers.  

She squeezed lightly, 

And when I glanced down at her,

She had a huge smile.

I felt so guilty for all of this.

It took all I had to pretend to like this girl.  

She had everything I usually look for.  

She was pretty, cheerful, popular--

And already happy.

But I couldn't help but looking at her broken 

Best friend.

Stevie was gorgeous. Flawless.

She was the type of beautiful where she didn't understand,

How gorgeous she really is.

She didn't even have to try to be pretty,

Unlike Sam.