Dancing in the Oaks

The Timer

8 days left. That's it. Only 192 hours left to live. This is all too scary. This morning seemed to have been a dreary one. There was a storm moving out of the east. The sky darkened and put off a musty rain smell. I have always loved the rainy days, but this one I wasn't enjoyin' in the slightest way. This was just different because I am gonna die! How would it feel to receive a death sentence? It's like a slap in the face. I mean, my parents hid things from me then turned around and told me they loved me and pretty much forgot to say it. Yeah, this is just a rollercoaster of confusion. I cannot figure out if my parents were just narcissists out to hurt me, or they were just protecting me. I just sat on the couch for an hour staring at the bracelet. My thoughts traveled all around the world. The timer is ticking, and that sure does hurt. It feels like a knife slowly diggin' in. Gross imagery, I know, but it seems to be the only way I can convey my feelings.

For breakfast I made a yogurt parfait. It tasted really good. I even had the energy to cut up some strawberries and peaches. They were fresh peaches that were harvested from a local farm in the area. They tasted like heaven. Everytime I ate one my eyes would roll to the back of my head as I looked up at the ceiling in awe of how good something can taste. It wasn't long before I felt the full effects of being alone. For the past few days I have just put on some of my music on my country playlist. It would fill the void, yeah, that's the word: void. The silence can get to me. The house was too quiet, way too quiet. The kind of quiet that would pierce the ears. Like something was there, but there ain't anything there. For the first time since living in Bakersfield I felt a void. Hobbling around on crutches is not fun at all, which only adds to the complexity of this situation.

I finally got an idea of what to do. I sat down and made a bucket list. My 192 things to do in 192 hours. It seemed impossible to accomplish. I only wrote down three things before running out of ideas and having to take another ten minutes to write more. This was not something that I wanted Nick to read. He had no business in my last little while of living. I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I made mention of wanting to hug Nick one last time. It would be nice if I could kiss him, but that's impossible. I do not like him though, or so I like to think, but I feel like it would express my thanks for him. I want to smell the roses next to my house one more time. I want to ride my horse one more time, but I cannot with my foot. I want to cut my hair shorter, as I have never been able to because of my parents. This list was short, but it was sweet. That's the kind of person I am: short, sweet, and to the point. There is nothing more than an introverted, down to earth cowgirl.

I heard a knock on the door. It was a very strong knock on the door. It resonated throughout the foyer. Walking over to open it was like running a mile, and maybe a half. It was Nick. I have to admit I was relieved when he showed up because it gave me someone to talk to. "Hey, can I come in?" He asked very forcibly. Nick's voice never was like that. He was always kind.

"Yeah you can." I hurried and folded the paper that had my bucket list written on it and put it in my pocket. "What's wrong?" I knew something was off based off how he was pacing the floor.

"My father is nowhere to be found. Uhm I need to be here with you to watch. Uhm... Dillon will be over in a few. I'm very concerned about him." The rain piled even harder outside, just like the worry in my eyes. How the heck would his father disappear?

I put my hand on his shoulder. "Oh.. okay. You think he's having trouble?" I asked nicely.

Nick pushed me onto the couch in a nice manner. "Yes! He walked over to get a drink. "You have to stay close to me. That letter may have meant 12 hours after the 32nd hour, which is how long this whole ordeal has been going for." Gosh darn it! See, things say something and then another says something totally different. It's all just an educated guess at this point,, just like science.