Dancing in the Oaks

Please

I know this is crazy and everything and I've had a hard time fighting through this. It just makes me so sad. I've never been the same. I walk sad, talk sad, and just feel let down. After work Nick and I cooked some chili soup for dinner. Occasionally we will enjoy a dinner together. Usually he will just make sure I have food and talk to me every once in a while. Since I have been able to push through the pain the past couple days we decided to have dinner. Sometimes I feel so bad because I ghost him, but he understands what I am feeling. Anyways, the chili soup; It sounded really good, so we made it. I haven't been able to figure much more out besides these lengthy conversations with Nick that lead nowhere. On the bright side: at least I have Nick. Going to bed was impossible. I couldn't just stop thinking. Finally after about two hours I fell asleep.

Almost immediately after falling asleep the nightmare began. The worst dream I've had since my family was supposedly killed. I tried to wake up, but was sleep paralyzed. I couldn't wake up. For some reason I could scream though. I found myself screaming out loud. "No, no, no!" I screamed. I found my phone and dialed in Nick's number. I have his contact embedded on the front page of my phone. His name in my phone is cowboy Nick. "Nick oh my gosh you're alive! No! Nick I'm so sad." I said as he picked up the phone and answered.

"Tell me what happened? Are you alright?"

"No i'm not! Please."

"Okay, explain more. It's okay, it'll be alright." he said with clear assurance.

"I-I had a dream that you... died. I received an invitation to a funeral. I had no idea as to who it was. The letter just said: 'come and celebrate the life of...' the rest was blank. I just thought I'd go to support the grieving family. When I got to the funeral home I walked in..." I started crying. "Nick... okay I paced back and forth before entering. I get so much anxiety at funerals and in funeral homes. I always have. I asked a guy where to go and he directed me to a large open room. I could not believe what I was about to- to see." My crying calmed for a minute. "I noticed the casket was in the middle of the room. All of the funerals and viewings I've been to, the casket is off to the side. I only noticed three other men that were there. There were a couple women that passed in and out. They left quickly though. I decided to walk closer. I took a breath and approached the coffin." Here I was embarrassingly crying. "Nick you- you were in that coffin. You died. As I approached closer I was going to hold your hand, but soon noticed that your body was covered in spots of blood. I know this is so bad. I cried and cried and cried because I never got to say goodbye to you. The blood spots got progressively worse as I just stood and cried. I'm so sorry. Your eyes opened and they were black. I'm just so sad Nick. It was so scary."

"Norah... I- I'm so sorry. Why would I be covered in blood? Why would I have black eyes?" I rolled my eyes when he said that because I had the same exact questions too.

"I don't know, but after you opened your eyes you told me to leave. Why? I'm so scared. I feel like I'm acting so stupid." I felt terrible for whining to him, but it was so scary.

"I know. You have every right to be."

"Nicholas, you have no idea how much I am so happy you're alive." I was trying anything to get myself to calm down. It sounds so petty, but it was a bad dream.

"I am too. We have work tomorrow. Can you sleep please? I understand but I'm here. Don't worry."

"I know. Just why is this happening?"

"I don't know, you're probably worried. It's okay." His accent showed through more. Just then he hung up the phone call.

Luckily I was able to sleep a little better. The nightmare started over, but it was different. It wasn't his funeral. That wasn't it. I revisited the barn when it was on fire. I was inside and it fell on me. I burned, but did not die because Nick came back to get me. I still always think of that moment when I could have died. I still want answers for everything and may never get them, but I was saved: saved more than I could imagine.