D&S

Chapter # 20

Ester, With you, my every ravage becomes memorable.

***

"..-I hit you, I ridiculed you, treated you like trash but you were by my side and deep inside I knew you were the one who could save me from the darkness but I was scared and Henry's words echoed in my mind.'' I sniffed, pausing for a moment to take my breath.

"But when you asked for a divorce, I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to apologize for my mistake and start things anew with you, I began to desire you but Henry threatened me he will tell you everything about Grace but I cannot be away from you," I began to cry loudly.

"I had no choice but to force you to be with me without showing how much I love you but slowly, I tried to change and show you how much I love you, what you mean to me but then he showed up. I had no choice but to break you apart." I whispered, telling her what I faced all this time.

"That day...before our anniversary. I was happy to start things anew with you. I was delighted to have a normal life with you but then.."

"Henry gave me two choices; Break your hopes.. or else he will tell you everything and since I was insecure about it... I broke you.. I never wanted this to happen.. I am so sorry to ruin the day you were looking forward to... and after that you made the right decision and left me." I cried, releasing the anguish I buried in my chest.

"A pathetic guy who couldn't even protect and love properly.. but after you left my life fell apart.. I cannot live without you Ester. I love you so much. Please don't leave me ever again.. I know what happened is my fault because I am a coward but now please be at my side Ester... I will be the perfect guy you dream of. I will do whatever you say just be with me..."

I buried my face in her neck more with my tears drenching her neck. I could feel her controlling herself to not cry but it was so hard for both of us. I held her shirt, not looking up as I whispered desperately.

"Please take me out from this swamp. Please save me.." I begged her to take me out of this deadly life, from this unbearable heartbreak and show me light of guidance. I cannot take it anymore.

"Please save me!" I cried, clutching her shirt between my fingers tightly, letting out my distress in the form of tears, breaking apart slowly and painfully, pleading to her to stop this pain. To put a halt to this fate of mine and let me live a normal life with her.

"Please don't cry Desmond. I will be your redemption. Don't worry. "

"There's nothing to be afraid of. I am here."

"I will heal your scars." She whispered sweet nothings to me, trying to put a halt to my continual cries and heartache. I tried to control my feelings but after such a long time, I had a shoulder to cry on and I wanted to let out my feelings. I want to take this all out.

The screeching sound which sucks my life, deafens me to the calls of liberation.

I want it all to stop and take me to the world where there's no good or bad, where the grace of light is another charm and the moment where I can close my eyes and say this is what I have been waiting for; Solace.

The next day, I slowly woke up to the chirping sound of birds, humming a certain melody and waking me up from the sudden deep slumber of mine.

The sleep filled with equanimity- exactly what I needed in this dire phase. I haven't been able to sleep peacefully at this time but now I think, after such a painfully long time, I was able to receive a lull. I am thankful for this life, to have her by my side.

I am glad that what Henry said was a lie and Ester decided to stick by my side even after knowing how much of a bad person I am. The content and benediction of having her divine presence beside me, helping me to get out from this endless devastation is beautiful.