Golden H.S.

2. Love & Loss

TW: Hospital and Death it is quick this part but if its not for you skip to the next chapter.

That was 18 months ago, and the last time I had sex with the person I loved most in this world. All I have from the moment is the memory and I am lost in it. The only thing grounding me in the present is my cheek pressed against the cool glass of the mostly empty train. I fought hard to keep my mind in the present, but my thoughts kept pulling me back. Whenever I think back to our last time together I remember our connection and it leaves me feeling untethered and alone. I didn't know if I would ever feel fulfilled in all the ways that I had with him as my partner in life. To say we were in love is far too simplistic of a phrase to capture what we shared, and that bothered me. It could never contain the passion between us. Our shared fire. It felt like our temperaments were made for eachother, like wood and kerosene. One of us always had the fuel to spark the other's fire and that was how we lived and loved.

I shook my head to rid my mind of the filthy scene. I didn't want to go back to the memory now it was branded onto my soul. I could watch it like a movie in my mind, not a fading memory. I wanted to stay in the present where it was safe, not lost in what I once had. had no way of knowing its significance until a week later.

It's the big days that you are sure will stay with you forever, but

there are entire chunks of my wedding I can't recall. I remember my dress, the feeling it gave me to be wearing something so beautifully designed and precisely measured, tailored to fit me perfectly. I remember his face when he first saw me walk down the aisle.

I don't remember the vows we exchanged, or all the work it took to pull off the weddings. I do remember the party, dancing and pure joy being surrounded by the people who loved us. Never doubting for a second I found my missing piece; the Johnny to my June, the pickles to my hamburger, the slutty costume to my Halloween.

Everyone told us not to rush into marriage, but both of us felt that together everything was as it should be. Our friends and family told us we were moving too fast. After eight months of dating we found all we needed. I never doubted us. I could never fathom anyone else.

Things just seemed easy, with him by my side. I was 24, he was 27 when we met. I could never have guessed that day when I decided to grab lunch at a hole in the wall barbeque joint it would change the course of my life.

I was on my own for lunch, all of my coworkers were busy so I brought a book to read. Shortly after my food arrived, I went to check the time on my phone, and I realized I didn't have my purse. I had left it tucked under my desk at work. With the book in my hand I didn't even realize I left it.

"Dammit."

I smacked my forehead with my palm as the realization hit me, I was without my phone and wallet. Quickly I ruled out the possibility of dining and ditching. Not because of my high moral fiber, but because it would mean never being able to eat here again and I couldn't risk it. The food was too good. I heard a nearby voice ask, "Are you ok?".

With my hand obscuring my view, and my mind racing through different scenarios, all of which seemed embarrassing, I answered truthfully, "No." I started to feel sick to my stomach, which was only made worse when I removed my hand, meeting serious brown eyes staring at me behind large rimmed glasses.

I just stared at him with this look that he would later describe as "equal parts horrified and anguished." I took in his short cut red hair, and close trimmed beard. My mouth fell open, but no sound came out, I momentarily lost my words.

"Excuse me?" He asked as his eyebrows shot up.

The blood drained from my face as I realized I was going to have to admit to this good looking man next to me that I am a complete mess, who can't keep track of basic items like my phone and wallet.