Salvation

Chapter 19

I'm really hoping updates stay consistent. Even if it's not for one story. Even if it's spread across all my works. I just want to recapture what 2018/2019 me had.

...

"Welcome everyone," Jongin greeted the crowd. Like there was someone new. Like they'd never met him before. Though the truth was most of the people seated in the ragged circle had been here. Seen these people time and time again. Junmyeon saw some familiar faces at least, although names were beginning to blend together. The only ones he retained were Jongin and Jongdae. "I'm Jongin, your host for the day. Why they've entrusted me to do this is beyobd me." That aroused s few half hearted chuckles, but a lot of people avoided eye contact and didn't budge. "I've been in your place before," Jongin forged on, swinging his chair arounf amd plopping down, resting his arms on the back, propping his chin on them. "I've been down this hole before."

"How'd you get out?" A newcomer, Junmyeon assumed. Not used to the same old spiel they got every meeting. Jongin scanned the crowd for the voice, but the person fell silent as soon as they'd spoken.

"How did I get out?" Jongin repeated, eyebrows retreating into his hairline as a look of astonishment overtook his features. "Let me tell you. It was hell. Everyone always glorified Alcoholics Anonymous. And while I agree it helps, obviously, or I wouldn't be seated here talking to you. It's not simply just showing up to a meeting or two and suddenly you're cured. I wish it worked like that." Jongin chuckled, though it wasn't a humorous one. "I've actually relapsed. Several times. Meetings help. Finding people that get it help. But it's not a one size fits all solution. You WILL be tempted by your vises again. It's a given. You're going to stumble and fall along the way. The trick is surrounding yourself with people who will catch you before you splat." The crowd soaked it in. Junmyeon himself soaked ot in. Jongin had never talked about his personal struggles like thos before. No lt in thos detail anyway. "I've had to fight for a LONG time to be where I am today, with the people I'm with. It's a struggle for sure. But it's a struggle, I'm finding, that is well worth it."

Well worth it? Junmyeon wasn't so sure about that. This was the clearest he could focus in years. And he honestly hated it with every fiber of his being. Some days he craved the burn down his throat. The smell that had once seared his nostrils but now had almost become a sort of twisted security blanket. The fuzzy haze that coated his mind and let him forget. Forget his sad pathetic excuse of a life. Let him forget her. She would always be his biggest regret. One he wished he never had to shoulder in the first place. He should have just listened to his friends. They saw right through her and saw her as the monster she was capable of being. But Junmyeon only saw her through rose colored glasses. To him, she deserved the world. But clearly to her, he didn't even deserve the time of day.

"Junmyeon?" Junmyeon blinked, once again yanked from the abyss before he could tumble. Jongdae, leaning forward ever so slightly in his seat with his fingers laced together in front of him. Today he sported a cozy brown sweater vest and gold round rimmed glasses, giving him a sort of old timey professor look. Someone Junmyeon should be able to trust. "Everyone else has gone," Jongdae pointed out. Junmyeon looked around, noting the empty chairs. "You doing okay?"

"No," Junmyeon amswered honestly. "I'm not. I haven't been." Jongdae simply nodded. He didn't push it further. Didn't ask more questions. The truth was Junmyeon wasn't just thinking about his past, though that tended to invade his conscious no matter what he did. He was thinking about his future. What would happen when even Jung Ahn's got sick of him. What he would do. He didn't have a job. He didn't have an aspirations. He didn't have a house or friends to turn to. What the hell would he do?

He could grovel to Baekhyun again he supposed. But he was getting quite tired of running to the Parks any time his life fell to pieces. He could swallow ehat little pride he still possessed and seek out his parents. Though he doubted they would ever want to see him again. They couldn't even be bothered to show up to his wedding. Some days Junmyeon wondered if they'd even show up to his funeral. Besides, his mom had Sehun. The golden child. The one everyone wanted around. Maybe Baekhyun wished he would have been Sehun's friend instead. Maybe they all wished that.