Salvation

Chapter 9

Hi everyone. Um. It's been way too long here. I have no idea why I suddenly stopped, other than maybe not feeling the story at the time.

I'm holding onto this for no reason. I'm sorry guys. I promise I'm trying. This whole pandemic thing has been absolute murder on my creativity. I don't really want to write anything. I've read some physical books. Went back through and read RT and DK. I miss you guys.

...

Junmyeon sat in the corner if his room, his knees to his chest. He rocked back and forth slowly. Rhythmically. It felt like someone stuck his innards in a pot and cranked the heat to max. His tongue burned. He felt like he might vomit all over his matching white outfits. A glass of water, which he'd requested, sat untouched on the nightstand. It reminded him of the lowest point of his life. It reminded him of everything he'd tried so hard to obtain and then swiftly destroyed.

He was going through withdraw.

He'd heard it was different for everyone. Some shook so violently it was almost like a small earthquake was passing under their feet. Some screamed until their throats were red and raw, voices hoarse. Others clawed at their skin until they'd almost tore it to shreds. Junmyeon didn't feel that way. At least not yet. But he felt jittery and twitchy, like he'd skipped a caffeine dose. His insides burned. He could almost taste his vises on his lips.

"Junmyeon?" He paused in his rocking, glancing up wearily to see his nurse framed in the doorway. He had no activities today. He did not have therapy until later. He wracked his brains trying to decipher why she was here. "I have a word from your friends," she said softly, entering the room slowly. Like the man on the floor was some caged animal ready to pounce on his next victim. Junmyeon's expression sagged, and she felt a twinge of sympathy. "Baekhyun said he's sorry, but they both got caught up at work and can't make it this week."

"Alright," came the whisper from the floor. The rocking resumed, coupled with incoherent mumbling. The nurse simply stood, worrying her lip between her teeth and studying the man. They dealt with all manor of addictions here. It never made it any easier to watch those suffering from symptoms. She retreated at last, closing the door behind her.

It wasn't like Junmyeon needed Baekhyun and Chanyeol to be there. He really didn't. He was so used to fighting his battles on his own that having them around felt suffocating sometimes. He could continue to forge forward, making progress at his own pace. He didn't need them.

But... They'd missed last week's visit too. Work work work. Always work. Chanyeol a CEO and Baekhyun a fashionista as well as a magazine editor. Of course they were busy. Why would they come see him anyway? He was just a nobody. A tiny little blip on their radar only to disappear again without a trace. Maybe they never really cared about him anyway.

Junmyeon rose on legs made of jello. He wobbled his way to the door, listing to the side dangerously a couple times. He gripped the door handle with all the strength he possessed, willing the door to open of its own accord. He finally wrestled it open and stepped into the hall, blinded by the florescent lights. He blinked rapidly. Then he staggered out of his room, no idea where he was going but also needing to be away away away from that stuffy place. If he kept running maybe he could outrun his thoughts. Maybe if he kept going he could pretend everything was alright when in reality it felt like his world was going up in flames.

Failure. Failure. Failure.

That word... How he despised that word with everything in him. It was all he ever heard growing up. It was the one thing he'd actively strived to dispell. But he even failed at that. It was all he was. It clung to him like extra skin. Something he could never shake himself of.