Salvation

Chapter 20

Hi everybody. I'm currently in a lot of pain and very miserable. So that's been fun.

...

Junmyeon gazed up at the two storey apartment, wrinkling his nose. Two months at Jung Ahn's and they deemed him "cured." Though they went to the trouble of lining him up a job and helping him secure a house. He was to be invited back monthly for evaluations and weekly for AA, though they claimed he didn't need constant supervision anymore. He bit back the retort to follow and instead went through the motions of doing what he was told.

Junmyeon did question them on whether or not they trusted him to keep his salvation at bay. They grinned wickedly, saying they trusted him. The first of any to do so. And though he wanted nothing more than to tuck his tail between his legs and go crawling back to the safety of Jung Ahn's or the exhilaration of his vices, he instead thrust his chin in the air and marched inside his new town house. He glanced around the front entrance, taking in the small yet cozy space. He set his bag near the door.

Junmyeon debated inviting people over, but when it boiled down to it who was even left in his life that he could? Baekhyun amd Chanyeol, maybe. He wanted to be more on my feet before they even stepped foot in this apartment though, so that idea flew right out the window. His parents? Absolutely not. He'd rather burn a slow death in a ditch somewhere then have them back in his life. He suddenly wished more than anything his grandma was still around. The closest thing to a parental figure he had, and the only person who cared about him almost as much as they cared about Sehun.

The tired male moved to the kitchen, taking it all in. Small refrigerator and freezer combo. Small stove. Small table with two chairs. Perfect for a bachelor like himself. His nurse's voice flittered through his mind briefly, reminding him that this was the next step towards complete recovery. Whatever that meant. But he believed they had his best interests at heart. He wove his way back to the front entryway, peering into the small livimg room space, taking in the ancient looking couch and armchair, mismatched like they couldn't find their partner when they picked them up from the antique store. No TV. Not that he watched it much anyway.

Junmyeon climbed the staircase to the second floor, emerging into a thin hallway with two closed doors on opposite sides. He propped open the door to his left. Bathroom. A small space, much like the rest of the house if he was being honest. Complete with a tiny standing shower. Guess he wouldn't be able to soak in a bath here. He moved in slow motion to the door on the right, already predicting what he'd find. The door swung open. Mattress and dresser. To his surprise a small TV mounted on the wall across from the bed. A stand up wardrobe tucked into the corner across from me.

Cozy, he thought once more as the door clicked softly shut. It's cozy in here.

One part of him knew this should feel like a fresh start. It was a fresh start. He should have felt elated at the fact he'd been handed all of this on a silver platter and the promise of moral support since that had been severly lacking for ninty percent of his life. He should have been sliding down the hallway or dancing through the kitchen or jumping for joy on the living room. A place all to himself. Finally. In some ways this absolutely felt like a victory.

The other part of him felt crushed in loneliness. These walls reminded him of everything he'd lost in an attempt to gain them in the first place. So much of his life seemed a haze; a fuzzy memory coated in static like an old TV channel, long forgotten. The best years of his life he didn't have any recollection of. Instead marred by a feeling so bitter no human on earth should ever experience it. It squeezed at a heart that he had thought long dried with emotion. He wanted those days back. The days that were robbed from him by forces that were beyond his own control.

He sat at the small table, resting his forehead against the cool wood. After the constant buzz of Jung Ahn's the quiet felt...almost draining. He'd grown accustom to having noise all about. Now it wasn't present. Unsettling. But he knew he'd have to get used to being on my own eventually, without some constsnt presence around. That's what most people did, right? That's at least what he'd been led into believing.