Salvation

Chapter 12

I'm feeling in some sort of mood, so you know what that means? Angst! Hello everybody. Uh. Long time no see? Most of you probably know I've been throwing love at Royal Temptations' bonus chapters.

...

"Alright Junmyeon." Said male jumped as his name was said. He'd felt skittish and off all morning. Then again, was it any different from any other day? Not really. Jongin. Though it wasn't AA day (those were Thursdays and it was only Tuesday), he'd been summoned here regardless.

A talk, they assured him when he questioned it. You're more at ease with Jongin.

And Junmyeon couldn't dispute that, because on some fundamental level, it was true. He felt kindred spirits when he came to AA. Maybe his life didn't play out exactly like theirs, but they all understood how it felt to be consumed by something beyond your control. They understood addiction, and reliance, and in some cases resistance. They understood, better than anyone else, the torment Junmyeon put himself through to get to this point. Amd there was something in particular about Jongin amd Jongdae. Junmyeon felt the most comfortable with them.

"Hello Jongin," Junmyeon finally greeted, wincing at his sand papery voice. He rarely talked outside of these meetings anymore. Why waste the breath when no one was listening anyway? "Why am I here?" He finally asked the question that bugged him the most. Jongin swung a chair around so they were face to face. He placed his elbows on his knees, assessing the man before him.

"Because I want to know what makes you tick," he replied, rather bluntly as always. "Because there's more to you than alcohol." It now felt like someone had taken a searing hot knife and stabbed it between Junmyeon's ribcage. And twisted it for good measure. "Because I remember you from school, albeit we never ran the same kinds of crowds. What happened? Eunha, right?" Just hearing the name made him shudder.

"Like I said," Junmyeon responded tersly, his teeth gritted. "She grew out of me. I'm convinced she never loved me to begin with and I was just a blind fool. But I so badly crave some kind of love in my life that I suppose I chose to ignore some signs in the hopes that everything would work out." Jongin's gaze burned Junmyeon's skin with its intensity, but he forged on regardless. He picked at a nonexistent thread on his knee as he talked. He had to keep his hands busy or he lost his composure. "We fought so many days I'm shocked it didn't happen sooner. I never once wanted to take any aggression out on her, so I turned to the bar to get my fix and work myself out.

The more I was there, the less I wanted to leave and return back to a house so full of venom I felt the poison down the block. I loved her Jongin. But she didn't love me back." Jongin sat there in silence, soaking it all in. Finally he shifted positions so he was sitting straighter. He gently grabbed ahold of Junmyeon's shoulders and stared him dead in the eye.

"I can't tell you a lot about love Junmyeon," Jongin started. "I've never been. But I can tell you this flat out. A love where you give and give and give and never get anything back... it's not love." Junmyeon blinked, Jongin's words bouncing around his skull like an out of control rubber ball. "I also can't pretend to know you, because I don't. But I can tell you that you are worth FAR MORE than anything she made you feel. That's not what love feels like Jun."

"What does it feel like?" Junmyeon's voice barely came out a whisper. But Jo gin rocked back like he'd been shouted at, his eyes wide and mouth agape. But Junmyeon's earnest eyes stared nack at him. "Please Jongin. Tell me. No one in my life has ever made me feel loved. Not my parents. Not my ex wife. What is it?"

"It's different for everyone, so I can't exactly say how it feels," Jongin explained. "But, from personal experience, mine has been family love. It's those times we snuggled up together on the couch to watch a movie. It was missing my sister when she left for college because her room was empty whenever I walked by it. It was holding my nephew for the first time after I'd sobered up. It's not something easily explained, because it's more of how you feel in those quiet, calm moments when the world slows down and the only thing that really matters is whatever is going on right in front of you."