Just a little messed up

Arguments

  YEJI'S POV 

Our teacher informed that we need to shift classes, like the room we are in is too big and the others are too small so she communicated with the coordinator and solved it. 

We are now walking to the class that is assigned to us, not so far from the old one. The corridor is nice though. I was the last on to leave because I needed to pack Lia's back then take it with me. Her bag hardly contained any books. I see Ryujin has chosen the last bench in the left and I'm thankful she did.

Last benches are peaceful. It's me and Ryujin and yeah also Lia. She was on her duties so I brought her bag and it's placed nicely next to me. She enters the class and I wave my hand to her to say that her bag is her. I saw a little bit of something on her face. Dislike? Disappointment? I guess I'm just assuming. Ryujin moved and gives her some space to get in.

This class in congested because here are three rows and there is little space left to walk. The class starts and goes as usual.

I and Lia could talk here and there and we just talked about what we texted yesterday. The topic was interesting so I see no fault in continuing it. 

Lia says something about the lesson and Ryujin replies "Why so lame?" And that triggered me. Yesterday a part of our conversation was that she isn't lame. She thinks she is but I don't think saying that on anyone's face would help them with their confidence .

 "She isn't lame" I said to Ryujin. "I wasn't talking to you" she replied. "And that's what I'm saying, even if you're talking to her, she isn't lame" I spoke. Lia was looking between both of us, not knowing what to do. "What's the big deal about it? You too say that our friends are lame and much more stuff. I was talking to Lia and you need not interfere because it has to do nothing with you"

 "Just shut up Ryujin! You can't just say anything to anyone like that" I was mad. Not because she said something that silly but because just yesterday I tried to make Lia believe that she is much better than what she thinks she is. And I could see all my efforts going waste. "You don't have to stand up for me" Lia spoke.

I looked forward and tried to calm myself. She just said that she don't need me? Or she was just saying that because she don't want to be a reason for two friends to fight? I don't care if the second one is the reason because I could only see Lia right now. 

"Yej, woke up from the wrong side of the bed I guess" Yuna said as she sits right in front of me. My head was hung low I don't know why but I just looked at her and she seems to be scared. "Sorry" well, it's good this way.

It's break and I'm completely calmed down, I try to talk to Ryujin. "I'm sorry about you know, but look, I'm trying so hard on her confidence and you ruined it in just a few seconds. Please try to understand my point" I look pleasingly because my intentions are not bad. 

"It's alright, I too think I over reacted about the situation. But why only Lia huh?" here she goes again . I huff and sit in my seat. "Answer me" she is teasing me. After so long I Thank God that Lia is not here with us, but is she with kate? Like again?

"We text continuously on IG and we talk a lot. It might not seem like that but yes we do. And like yesterday I was saying her she is not lame and you ruined it today" 

"I'm sorry dude" she was. I could see that but I don't know what to say again. "It's fine, i guess" 

The break was over and slowly the girls started taking their seats and a few moments later Lia and Fez joined. The rest of the day wasn't good. It was awkward like always but i think i over reacted. And at lunch Lia took her bag and left. 

It kind of hurts but i can't say anything. She sits beside Kate and i just could not focus on any other classes after that. 

__________________________

Each day after that i could see Lia smiling and being the most happiest person in the room when she's with Kate. I know i shouldn't care and all but i do. I never knew what this shit feels like but now that i know, it sucks. Liking someone is like losing yourself. I hate that i feel jealous, i hate that I'm in a situation which i avoided for so long. I just over think and hurt myself. 

Ryujin was sorry that Lia changed her seat but i could only think that it was her choice, it was her who left. After that i did not feel like replying to her texts. We still talked and i eventually made it worse and she stopped talking. 

I did not beg for her to talk because i was lost, i felt broken when we were not even together. I don't want anyone to see this side of me where I am weak for someone.