Just a little messed up

Unexpected

YEJI'S POV

Our bodies tangled, hair messy, we were sweating. I can feel her breath on my neck. 

"Never saw this coming" I smiled. "Life's so much better now" she's smiling too. Her face is flushed, bright red. I can't say any less about myself. "Yeji" she looks me in the eye. She is contemplating whatever she wants to say. I rub my hand on her waist, as for her to continue. 

"I love you" 

I don't know what to say. The only thing in my head is why? Why does she love me? Out of so many people who would die for her, who are so much better than me. Why me? I don't even have time to think about what I feel for her. I like her? Yes. She's sexy. 

But not just for sex, as a person too. Her personality is rare. I just can't see myself committing to anyone after what I've been through, or rather put myself into. 

"I-I ...".  I don't really know how to handle this. "I don't know Sam"  I sighed. She's hurt but she masks it up really quick, she's not someone who is great at expressing her feelings. But now when she did. She put me into a trap I don't see myself escaping any soon.

"We are not on the same page, are we?" She asks. "I really like you Sam. And I need time to see if I'm capable to love you. Because you are just so perfect , and I don't understand why you would love someone like me?' 

"What do you mean? You are an incredible person and it's so hard to not fall for you. " She sighed. "You still have feelings for Lia, don't you?" That question made me feel nervous, I did not feel this kind of emotion in so long. And Lia? She's out of my life. But I know if I get a chance to be with her, I will go to her. I'm messed up. She is just different, she don't even have to talk to me, even if I see her face, that's enough for my heart to start pumping 10 times faster. 

"You know I don't like to talk about anything related to my past" I'm not gonna lie, but I seriously hate bringing up Lia in any conversations. "You are not even denying it" she's hurt. And I feel so bad to know that I'm hurting her. But I don't know the right words I should say or the things she wants to hear. 

She gets out of bed and start to put on her clothes. "Sam. I like you a lot. And I cannot go one day without talking to you. I know that, I'm not good enough for you. You deserve someone who's better looking than me. And-" 

"Yeji, the way you treated me in these past few months is all I care about. And you are gorgeous, you don't have to doubt yourself. Did I not say that enough to you? You are the best for me."

"But I cannot do anything if you love someone who is not me." She don't know what she did to me. She saved me from so many things. I would have been so lonely and depressed if it wasn't for her. She was always there for me, knowingly and unknowingly. It's so hard to not love someone like her. But I think so low of myself, why will anyone want to always make me believe that I'm good? They'll get tired and leave. And I feel the same about Sam. She'll leave because I'll exhaust her. 

She's fully dressed now. And I start to put clothes on too. "I don't like Lia, please stop bringing up my past" "I've seen how you used to look at her, you were  so madly in love with her that you only had eyes for her. You never even looked at me like that, ever." She's breathing deeply, which means she's trying to calm herself down. 

"I just need time to think, that all" I explain myself. "And please, Lia is not a part of my life anymore. I don't like it when you bring her up" 

"I'm sorry" she says softly. "I'm sorry too, I know I hurt you" I say. She's been with me through my toughest times. She have seen me ugly cry, she's always there for me. Always by my side Listening to my rants and problems. And when I'm with her, I'm the happiest. All we do is laugh, we enjoy our time together. She is also one of the reasons I kept going. She always motivated me to achieve my goals. "Do I get a kiss?" I ask. She smiled and nodded. I held her waist and kissed her slowly while she wrapped her arms around my neck. 

She parts away but stays close to me. "You are amazing. I hope you realise that" she said.  "You know, I was so excited when I first got to call you my girlfriend "

" And you were so scared to even ask me out" she laughs. "You are being mean" I pout, trying to look hurt. She's laughing again. "Oh my god, you were so funny" "okay Sam, enough" I let go of her and she's still laughing trying to tease me. 

"Oh baby, who remembers their first time? Someone was saying 'please be my first' and things like 'fuck me, I'm begging you' 

She starts to chase me and I start to run. We run around the table while laughing. "Ouch" she bends down and massages her toe. I guess she hit her leg on the corner of the table. "Are you okay?" I go to her side. "Got you" she starts to tickle me. It was a trick. How did I fall for that. "Oh- okay stopppp" I'm out of breath.

She finally let go of me. "I'll wait for you" She says. "Wait for what?" 

"Wait for you to love me back" I nod and went inside the kitchen to cook us dinner. We did not live far away when we moved to Atlanta. It was a 15 minutes distance from my house to her's. We went to the same school, and then the same college. And a few months back we decided to move in together. Our parents think it's because we will have each other's back and will study together. Which is true. What they don't know is, we have each other's back more than we should, we make love, we are in a relationship and that I can do anything for Sam. 

She keeps saying me that I'm really sweet whenever I try to make a little gesture towards her. Getting flowers and writing letters should be normalised. But she says that I do many things without noticing. Like that's a good thing right? I love taking care of her. And I love when she's taking care of me. 

I never expected her to be my girlfriend in the first place. But am I complaining? NO