If by Chance - A Jonathan Knight Fanfic

Chapter 5

It wasn't even an hour later, and Jon could already feel a pounding headache coming on. He had planned on tracking how much he had been drinking, but after the 5th or 6th glass, he could barely remember where he was. Let alone try to remember any form of numbers.

The conversations they had, had gotten deeper and deeper the more they drank. It started off with simple things like what their childhood was like, who their friends were, what their future plans were, but then it got into more traumatic events in their life.

What Jon learned about Vanessa, was she had always planned on becoming an olympic, or even just a college, gymnast. That had been her plan her entire life. That is, until a horrible neck injury stopped her, since she had been told if she kept going and kept training like she had been, it could move down and affect her back and her spine. So, the plan she had now was a spur of the moment back up plan.

What Jon had shared with her, was what his life was like growing up in Boston. How his family was poor, and it was so bad that he and his younger brother had to share a bed every night. He also shared how he had grown up hearing racist slurs his entire life, since he had an adopted older brother, Chris, who clearly stood out from the rest of the family. He told her about his anxiety problems and his panic attacks, and worst of all, he shared that he had been forced into the band, and what made it even worse, was that no one seemed to have even wanted him there anyway. He was in the back in all the dances, never even got a lead (or hardly even any lines) when it came to songs, and the rest of the new kids stayed as far away from him as possible. As if he had some contagious disease they were all scared of catching.

After that they had started sharing secrets. Things that they had only ever told each other. He wasn't sure why it was so easy to talk to her, and why she was the first one he was telling these things to. Maybe it was the drinks. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't feel like he had anyone else in his life he could share this with. He let her go first, since he was still debating if sharing this was even a good idea, but after he took another drink, all his worries seemed to wash away.

"So, I shared mine. Now, it's your turn. Go ahead." Vanessa said. Both of them were so drunk, they were slurring their words, and almost everything seemed to be funny to them.

"I-... I'm..." He backed out of what he was originally going to say and just finished with, "I am thinking about leaving the band."

This fact hadn't even surprised her, seeing as how he had been talking bad about it the last hour.

"That's what you wanted to tell me?" She asked, a hint of shock in her voice, since she had no idea why he would be so nervous to say that.

Jon gave a quick nod before drinking yet another glass. He knew it wouldn't end well tomorrow, but at this point, he didn't even care.

"You didn't have to be nervous about that. I understand. If you want to, that's your choice. They can choose if they want to keep going or not, but if you need to take care of yourself, and you think you need to leave the band to do it, then so be it." Vanessa said as she set her hand on his shoulder as a way to comfort him.

Jonathan had opened his mouth to say something, although he didn't have the time too, since before he could process anything, her lips were already on his, her hands moving to the back of his neck, playing with the ends of his hair.

Every single thought was telling him to pull away. That this was wrong. That he shouldn't be using this girl this way. But the humiliation he would feel if he told the guys what had happened and that he hadn't gone for it, and the fear he felt about the rumors that had started to come out about him and his sexuality, meant more to him, as bad as it sounds, then this girl and whatever was about to happen between them.

If he did this, he could put a stop to everything. He could show his bandmates that he wasn't afraid of dating and that he could get a girl, so that he could finally hear the end of it, and he could prove to the press that the rumors weren't true. That he had a girlfriend, or at least had been with a girl, and could even have evidence to back it up.

It didn't even feel like he was thinking anymore, all the drinks had started to get to him. If this was any other time, and he hadn't just gotten himself so drunk, he knew he would've pulled away.

This wasn't any other time though. This was now. He might regret the consequences later, but right now that didn't matter.

He kissed her back, deepening it almost immediately after he did. His hands moved from his lap to her hips, using them to pull her closer against his body.

Before he knew it, she had started to kiss his neck, showing that she wanted to advance things, and he got up and carried her to her room, where he was about to make the worst mistake of his life.