Beautifully Imperfect {ON HOLD}

Chapter Six: Feelings

"Alright love, you can tell me things that you are comfortable telling me. If you're uncomfortable I am not pressuring you to tell me, we can talk when you are ready." The dean said crossing one leg over the other. "Okay well I was born October 31, 2003. My birth mom gave me up for adoption and I was adopted when I was about a year and a half. Throughout my childhood, or rather the parts I can remember, I was hit when I would do something wrong or make my dad angry. My mother was more emotionally abusive, rather than physically. She would tell me that I was imagining things, or that I didn't know what I was talking about. She is a very condescending person in general." You said, playing with your fingers. Not noticing Lady Lesso's response to your words. "I always had to be on my best behavior around our family friends, like nothing was wrong. I wouldn't speak unless spoken to and always look the person in the eye when talking to them, if I wasn't I would look at the ground. Interrupting people's conversations was a great way for me to get yelled at when we got home. I was also taught that being on time was crucial. Being on time, you are early. And if you're on time, you're late. The abuse from my father continued for a few years until my brother got older and started to protect me, until I got older and started to protect myself. After that it stopped, but my mother's abuse continued till I was taken from my house." "I'm glad you feel comfortable sharing this with me Y/N, you're incredibly strong." The redhead responds, making a small smile appear on your face.

Taking a deep breath you continue, "When I was 15, I was assaulted by a friend on a bus I took to get home from school. I went to the head of the school, but they didn't do anything. He said that 'It was a good way to get someone in trouble'. Two months after I turned 16, I was assaulted by someone I knew growing up. We had met each other again recently and started talking. He asked me out on a date and I agreed but then that happened and I haven't had that type of connection or relationship with anyone since then." You explain, sighing at the end of your response. Lady Lesso sat across from you, jaw clenched. "Since then I have had some shitty friendships, some long term that ended badly and some shorter. I have had eating issues because of my parents and their comments about what I eat and my body in general. I have gone through some mental health issues, obviously. And now I'm here." Finishing your story you look up, meeting the gaze of the older woman sitting by you. You could see guilt and sympathy in her eyes. "But don't feel bad for me, I'm fine." You respond.

You never liked when people were sympathetic towards you because it made you feel weak. The redhead, though being able to read your thoughts, could tell by your face that you were not accepting of her response. "Y/n it's alright to share your feelings with others, or more importantly people you trust. I want you to know that I am here to support you in any way that is needed. If you need to talk, then we can talk. If you need to cry that's just fine. God even if you need to break something you can. I just want you to be able to feel comfortable around me." "I'm just not used to being able to show emotion. It makes me feel like I'm weak." You say, voice quiet. "That makes sense, from the trauma that you have gone through it's normal to feel that way, but it's alright to feel your emotions. It's a part of life. And I know that villain's are not supposed to show emotion, but when you're with someone you trust you can let those feelings out." She replies, voice soft, almost caring. Nodding your head in response.

Taking a few minutes to think about the conversation you have had with Lady Lesso, a question comes to mind. "I just want to know, why did you say those things to me, that day in the Doom Room?" Looking down, Lady Lesso responds. "I was scared. I didn't want to get attached, I thought it would be easier if I pushed you away, than let myself have those feelings. I know it's contradictory to what I just said, but that's what was going through my mind." "But you knew what I had gone through! You knew that I was scared and sensitive. Why would you say those things to me? There has to be a part of you that meant it, even if it was just a small part." You say, raising your voice. "My heart tells me to trust you, but my mind tells me otherwise. Deep down I feel safe with you, but at the same time, I'm scared that you are going to say those things to me again, and I'm going to start to believe that that is how you really feel about me." "I know that what happened in the Doom Room scared you, I could tell from your body language, and your thoughts." She said, you giving her a confused look. "What do you mean by my thoughts?" "Just like you have magic. I have it as well, part of my magic is that ability to read minds. I never went into your head intentionally, but when someone's thoughts are as loud as your's, it's hard to not notice them." "So you could hear my thoughts." She nodded her head in response. "I know that it's a lot to grasp, but I would never intentionally read your thoughts, it's an invasion of one's own privacy. But like I said, when someone's thoughts are as loud as your negative ones, it's hard to avoid them. To answer what you said before, I didn't mean any one of the things I said to you. I know that you may not believe me, but I want you to know that I deeply care for you, probably more than you think. " She said, looking at you. Meeting her eyes you could tell that she was truthful with her words.

The two of you sat in a slightly awkward but comfortable silence. Going over the things you had talked about with Lady Lesso, you felt like you shouldn't have shared those things with her. You felt like she just felt bad for you now and thought you were weak. "Darling, you're letting your thoughts take over again." You hear her say. Your eyes begin to tear up, making you turn away from the older woman. Quietly you begin to cry, you try to stop the tears, but they continue to fall. Feeling the weight of the couch shift and the sound of heels against the stone floor, Lady Lesso moves to sit in front of you causing you to turn away from her again. "Darling, it's alright, I won't judge you." She says comfortingly. "I just don't know why this is happening, it feels like I can't stop it." "I think you have reached your breaking point darling. You have been bottling your feelings up for so long that they are finally being released." She responds. Turning to look at her, you meet her soft gaze. "Could you...no never mind." Stopping mid-sentence, you decide against asking her your question. "I'm here for whatever you need right now darling." "This is going to sound stupid but could you possibly hold me?" You ask, your voice only a whisper. Receiving a small smile from Lady Lesso, she replies "Of course love." Taking her original spot on the couch, she opened her arms to you. You're hesitant to go to her, simply because you are scared of your weight, even though you haven't eaten the past few weeks. "Come darling, it's alright." You slowly move to the redhead, sitting with your head on her chest. One arm wraps around your waist while the other goes to your hair, softly stroking your hair. You let yourself go completely, feeling safe in the arms of the older woman. Whispering soft reassurances to you as she holds you. "It's alright little one, I'm here." She says, as you bury your head in the crook of her neck.