Two weeks had gone by since the incident with Hester. One of those weeks was spent in the infirmary, taking time to heal and spending time with Orion. The other you spent, moving into your new room, down the hall from Lady Lesso, and getting back in the routine of going to classes. You had started with one class and increased the number throughout the week. You didn't really enjoy most of the other classes and the one you did enjoy was Curses and Death Traps, taught by Lady Lesso. You wanted to be able to go to that class, but the fear and memories of what happened in that classroom prevented you from entering or even going near it.
The time you spent in your dorm was time spent crying, sleeping, or hurting yourself. A few days prior to now, you had gone into your bathroom, and looked in the mirror. The person you saw looking back at you saddened you. You felt anger rise within you so much so that you punched the mirror, glass falling onto the counter. Since then you hadn't bothered cleaning the broken glass from the sink, your room on the other hand was immaculate. Your bed would be made each day, your closet and dresser neatly organized. There was not a single thing out of place, and if something was you would fix it as soon as you saw it. This was your way of controlling things when things felt out of control. You were angry at Hester for what she had done to you and in turn were angry at yourself. Your arms and legs were covered in new cuts, your ribs now protruding from your skin. You hadn't eaten in those two weeks, only drinking water when you felt like you were going to pass out. The nurses in the infirmary had asked if you had finished your meal when they came to check on you and you would lie to them telling them you had.
You would occasionally see Lady Lesso in the hallway, but never interacted with her more than a nod or a distant glance. You didn't know why you were pushing yourself away from her, but you were. You felt like you were too much to handle and she already had enough to deal with. She didn't need a mentally ill teen on her hands, on top of everything else.
Lady Lesso could tell that you were trying to distance yourself from her, and she wondered why. Had she done something wrong? The times she saw you in the hall was the best part of her day, it made everything a little better when she got to see you. Throughout the two weeks Lesso had noticed a change in your behavior. The other professors talked to her about your dropping grades, your failure to participate in class, and overall class attendance. At first she thought that it was you getting readjusted to classes after the incident, but once the second week had started with no change, she started to get a bit worried. When she saw you walking through the corridors, Orion by your side. Your clothes looked bigger on you than before, your cheekbones more prominent on your face and bags on your eyes made it look like you hadn't slept in days. In reality you hadn't, every time you closed your eyes, you were back in that classroom. So in your mind, the logical answer was to just not sleep. That and the decrease in your food intake made it very hard for you to focus on your classes, and homework.
Your morning started off with you waking up with a migraine, which you assumed was from the hour of sleep you had gotten. Standing up to get dressed, your world turned fuzzy, your head beginning to spin. Shaking it off, you got dressed in an oversized navy knit sweater, and black ripped jeans. Throwing on your white vans, you made your way out of your room and to your first class.
Walking through the empty hallway, you were stopped by Lady Lesso, "Y/N how are you doing today?" She asked, a worried look in her eyes, she tried to hide. Just like this morning, your surroundings turned fuzzy, black spots crossing your vision. "I'm doing well today. Thank you Lady Lesso." You respond, trying to walk away from her, your legs giving slightly, causing you to fall into the older woman. Catching you with her arms around your waist she could feel how thin you had become. "Y/N, are you alright?" "Yeah, I just got a bit dizzy. I'm fine". You say, trying to focus your vision, but failing to do so. "When was the last time you ate something darling? And don't give me some bullshit answer, I want the truth." She said, voice stern. "I ate yesterday." You lie. "Little one, I told you not to lie to me, so I'll give you one more chance, when was the last time you ate?" You looked at the ground, voice quiet with your response. "Two weeks." Lesso's gaze softened, upon hearing your response. Her hand caressing your face, you pull back. "Please don't." You tell her, voice shaking. "Why, what's going through that pretty head of your's?" "I'm disgusting." Lesso's heart broke at your answer. "You are not darling." "Please, don't lie to me. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore." You say your eyes are glossing over. "Oh my darling, just because that happened, doesn't mean that you are any less beautiful, come with me let's talk about this in a more private setting."
The walk to Lesso's office was one of complete silence. You didn't dare look at the dean walking next to you. Upon arrival at her office, she unlocked the door letting you in Orion following next to you. You took a seat on the large black couch, Orion curling up on one on the chairs, falling asleep. Lesso took a seat at the opposite end of the couch after discarding her jacket. You curled up into yourself, your arms wrapping around your knees that were pulled to your chest. "Alright my darling, let's talk about what's happening. Take your time, but I am here to listen." "I don't know what's happening, really. Ever since that day, I have just been spiraling downwards. Everything is so hard, and I don't understand why. I can't bear to look at myself anymore. I feel so ugly and I don't know why I keep trying honestly. I am so fucking angry and sad, it gets so overwhelming sometimes." You say, tears welling up in your eyes.
"And what happens when you get overwhelmed?" Lady Lesso asks. You look at her for a few seconds, before shaking your head mumbling a small 'I can't tell you' before looking down, a few tears rolling down your face. "My darling, if you are scared to tell me, please don't fear me or my reaction. The only thing I want right now, is to help you, and I can only do that if you are honest with me." "I hurt myself again." The words are a whisper as you look at Lady Lesso. A deep breath is the reaction she has to your confession. Causing you to shut your eyes and turn your head away, tears now streaming down your face, fearing a blow that never comes.
When you open your eyes you see Lady Lesso still sitting across from you eyes wide at the realization of your reaction. "Darling please don't tell me that you thought I was going to hurt you?" "I know you wouldn't, it's just a reflex, I'm sorry." You tell her voice unsteady. Moving from her spot on the couch, she crouches in front of you, her hands moving to rest on your face, eyes silently asking for permission. When you nod, she gently cups your face, sadness and anger, swirling in her sapphire eyes. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to. I didn't know what to do." You say frantic, your breath unsteady. "Hush little one it's okay, I'm not mad at you alright. I need you to know that. I am not mad at you." She says, the pad of her thumb brushing over your cheek. "I feel so stupid." You tell her, eyes locked on hers. "It's alright, you were hurting and you thought that would help. But from now on I want you to promise me that you will come to me if you are feeling that urge again. If you act on the urge don't be frightened of what you may think my reaction may be. I am always going to be here to help you. If you are not in a place where you can come to me, have Orion bring me to you just like he did that first day we met." You nod at her words, your breathing returning to its normal rhythm.
"I will tell you this as many times as you need to hear it. I am here to help you, to teach you. I will do anything and everything in my power to make sure that you feel safe and loved. If you fall I will be there to catch you. If you feel your drowning I will be there to pull you to the surface. When it feels like your heart is breaking, I will be there to repair it. No matter how your head tries to deceive you, I promise to be there to show you how to love yourself, as much as I love you. I'm not going to leave you. You're never going to have to suffer by yourself again, I promise."
You look at the redhead in front of you with wide eyes, processing what she said. "I-I think I can love you. I just don't know how." You tell her, words soft spoken. "That's alright darling, we can take all the time you need." "Thank you, for everything." a small smile forming on your lips. "Could you hold me for a bit?" "Of course mon trésor." You looked at the older woman, a playful yet questioning glint in your eye. "I didn't know you spoke french." Lady Lesso just smiles at you, and nods her head. You return the smile, moving to sit between her legs, placing your head on her chest. "I like hearing your heart beating when I lay my head on your chest." Lady Lesso hums in acknowledgement, her hand tracing on the bare skin of your back while the other holds your hand. "You need rest little one, I'll be right here."
A/N:
I totally forgot that Orion was a part of this story, so sorry.
He's back now.
-K
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Beautifully Imperfect {ON HOLD}
FanfictionY/N never expected the School for Good and Evil was real. But when she is taken from her abusive home in the middle of the night, she finally realizes the legends were true. Dropped at the School for Evil, Y/N must learn to navigate this new place...
