Jaded

Hurt

His heart had stopped beating completely as he tried to wrap his head around what Jade had just said.

It was a while ago.

How long?

But she'd said nothing. Her face pale, her eyes watering.

She'd just looked at him.

He stood like a statue, waiting for someone to say something. Anyone. To say anything.

His ears blocked out the sound, but he knew his lips were moving, as they formed the only word he could.

"Me?"

Jade turned her face to the sky, taking a deep breath, and the sunlight caught her face at that perfect angle. The gentle glisten of the tears in her eyes seemed to slowly disappear, as she steeled herself as if on instinct.

She met his gaze with her head held high.

"Yes, you."

He was going to throw up, he was sure of it. He ran a shaking hand through his hair, as he suddenly became aware of a sensation he hadn't felt in a long time.

That ever-tightening band stretched around his chest.

He still wasn't sure what it was, but it scared him. Deeply, deeply scared him. It made him feel like he couldn't breathe. It made him feel like everything was falling apart. It, fuck. Fuck.

"You shot me down," he whispered. "In front of the partners. When they asked if we were going to get married. You said, 'don't even think about it'. "

The others gasped, as they looked back at Jade.

"Because I'd already bought the ring," she shivered back. "I was going to do it that night after you made partner."

"I didn't make partner."

"I know."

The swirling nausea started to build, making him feel a little dizzy. This didn't make any sense.

"But you didn't even want to move in together. You... the fucking mailbox?"

Jade inhaled sharply, pursing her lips, a pretend smile of almost amusement hiding the dredged-up pain he could see in her eyes.

"I didn't want the postman to spoil the surprise."

Suresh completely stopped breathing. The band only tightened. Tighter. Tighter. Squeezing him harder as the details of how badly he'd betrayed her finally revealed themselves. It was like reliving the day it'd all happened, but a thousandfold. Had it been in her handbag that night? Was that why she'd rushed across town? Why she'd been late? Was it why she'd been cagey when he'd asked her what was in the package?

It had been easier to pretend that Jade never truly loved him, but she had. Oh, how she had. Her loyalty, her kindness, how wholly she supported him. The way she held him when he was exhausted. The way she lifted the world off his shoulders when he needed her to, or kissed him softly to wake him when he fell asleep on his case notes again.

The way she looked at him like he was someone to be proud of.

Like he was something in him that was worth seeing.

Like there was some part of him that someone could love.

And all the while, he flirted with half of London behind her back, in the name of 'being part of the team'.

And he thought he deserved her?

"Were you ever going to tell me?" he said, his voice foreign and choked.