Marked By Darkness

Chaper 32- Dear Diary

After 5 Months...

Ruhi's POV...

Dear Diary,
Nearly five months have passed, and it feels like the space between us has only widened. Our conversations have become almost non-existent, and every time I check my phone, I brace myself for the disappointment of an unanswered message. It's hard to believe that anyone could be this consumed by their life, but here we are. It’s become painfully clear that I no longer fit into his schedule.

I closed my diary, the weight of my words pressing down on me, and turned my attention to my phone. Hours had passed since I sent my last message. Finally, the small notification blinked on my screen: a new message from Sounak.

Sounak: Yes.

I stared at the message, feeling a knot twist in my stomach. I typed quickly, frustration creeping in. "What do you mean by 'yes'? Does it really take that long to reply to a message?"

A pause. Then he replied.
"I was caught up with some work."

I frowned, unable to mask my irritation. "Is it possible for anyone to be that busy?"

Sounak: No.

I sighed, a mixture of confusion and hurt in my chest. "Then why the delay?"

Sounak: I just didn't feel like checking messages.

I blinked at the screen, my fingers gripping the phone a little tighter. "Seriously? Do you realize that our only means of contact is through messages?"

Sounak: I'm aware.

"Then why are you okay with that?" I felt the words slip out before I could stop them. It was like a wave crashing against a dam, and I couldn’t hold back the flood of questions.

There was a long pause, and I could almost imagine him on the other end, taking his time, thinking. When he finally replied, his tone felt distant. "Why are you so serious?"

I could almost hear the disinterest in his words, and I hated it. "Why not? I want to converse with you. Am I a bore?"

Sounak: No, not at all.

I closed my eyes, exhaling sharply. But still, his replies felt colder, like something was slipping through our fingers. "Then why do you always seem to avoid me? I’m always concerned about you. Can’t we just talk for a while?"

He replied quickly this time, almost dismissive. "It’s not about avoidance, Ruhi. And you don’t need to worry about me."

My heart sank. "If it’s not avoidance, then what is it?"

There was a long silence, almost too long. When he finally replied, his words hit harder than I expected. "I don’t have a definite answer. Even if I did, I doubt I could explain it to you. Moreover, I wouldn’t want to."

I stared at the message, my mind racing. So, that’s it? That’s all there was to it?

I quickly typed, my fingers shaking a little. "Alright then. I won’t disturb you anymore. It seems you have plenty of people to take care of you."

He replied, but his words didn’t soothe me. "No, you're not disturbing me at all."

But I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was. I sighed, running my hand over my face. "But it feels that way."

He apologized almost too quickly. "I apologize."

I shook my head, not knowing what to say anymore. I couldn’t just let it go. "No need to apologize. I'm sorry for bothering you. Truly sorry."

As I stared at his last message, a sense of emptiness washed over me. It wasn’t just the words; it was the silence between them. There was something lingering, something unresolved. I closed the chat, set my phone down, and sat there in the quiet, trying to make sense of the conversation.

---

11 Months Later...

Our conversations have dwindled even further in the past few months. When we do talk, it's only brief exchanges, like passing ships in a fog. It’s as if we’re both too afraid to say what’s really on our minds. Despite this, I've made up my mind. I have to let go of my feelings for him. Love isn’t something that can be forced, and I can't keep holding on to something that’s slipping through my fingers. Time, once again, has proven itself to be a precious commodity, one that can’t be begged for or manipulated.

And yet, the thought of him still lingers. No matter how much I try to push it aside, I can’t seem to erase him from my mind. He’s still there, like a shadow, present in every moment even though he’s not really here. His lack of messages, the way he forgets, or perhaps the way it feels like he's forgotten, sometimes makes me wonder if there was ever anything there at all.

But no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, my care for him remains. He’s still the vulnerability I can't seem to shake. I wish I could say I’ve moved on, but every time I think I have, something pulls me back.

Life has resumed its normal pace, yet there are still those nights, those unsettling dreams that refuse to leave me. They’re a reminder that some parts of me are still healing. Some things, no matter how much I want to let go, refuse to fade away.