With All My Heart, Tronnor

Drunk Connor

Connor Pov
(flashback continued)

Numb, I feel numb.
Did I really just tell him?

Good. It's done. It's over. I told him. It's done.

He'll understand.
He will understand.
He's my bestfriend.
He has to understand.
He will understand.

But,

What if he doesn't?

I had closed my eyes as hard as humanly possible, that I could see all these weird patterns in the darkness and my eyes n my head actually really hurt.

I had closed my eyes so that I wouldn't see Tyler's eyes. I wouldn't see his reaction.

I had closed my eyes hoping everything would be alright..

I felt Tyler releasing my hand. I suddenly fluttered open my eyes to see Tyler staring at me, totally taken aback, like never in a million years he had expected anything like that to happen.
His face was blank, but his eyes showed every emotion he was feeling.

"Just a peck on the lips, right?"

Tyler spoke these words and I could see hope in his eyes. Hope, that I would say yes. That I would say it was a mistake and that I would say it was nothing serious.

By now, we both knew it was a lie.

But, he still had those hopeful eyes.

Like children, we never give up hope..

"Umm..w-we kinda made out, w-while, while you were, you know, on y-your ph-phone.."

I sat up a little because my hands were shaking too much and I couldn't lean on them anymore.
My breathing was erratic, palms sweaty and had no idea what to do until Tyler finally spoke which felt like ages.

"It's okay, Con. People get drunk and they kiss the wrong person. Obviously, that kiss did not mean anything, right?" He said less like a question and more like trying to impose it on me to say that it was what really had happened last night.

But, he knew. He knew it wasn't true. I could see that in his eyes, and he could see that in mine too.

I gathered all my strength, everything that I had inside of me, everything.
This was it. I had to tell him, I had to out my feelings to my bestfriend.

I took in a deep breath to calm my body, to stop it from shaking, but it dint seem to be working so I gave up and decided that I can't hide anymore.

"There's more Tyler.." I said very carefully trying to analyse his every move and his each and every reaction.

Tyler stared at me for a long time without speaking, waiting for me to finish, although he knew what I was about to say.

He raised his eyebrows, signalling me to speak.

"I really like him, Ty. I like him since like, months may be a year, may be more, I don't know.
I thought it was just a crush and I could just ignore it and move on. Believe me Tyler, I tried.. but the way he looks at me, the way he talks to me, I just couldn't let it go. I tried telling you, but I just, couldn't. I am sorry, Ty. I really am very sorry"