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Chapter Fourteen

  It wasn't easy for Sebastien to pack up his things and leave home again. He was reminded of just months ago, when he was going through the process with Alek. He was so hopeful in that moment, and now he's afraid that he'll never get what they had back.
  "Are you sure you're ready, cariño? It's okay if you need to take another day or so." His mom asked softly as he walked into the living room.
  "Yeah, I'm sure. If I take another day, I'm afraid I won't be able to leave." Sebastien said, tossing his backpack over his shoulder.
  His mom stood up from the couch and walked over to him, then wrapped him in a hug. "You are always welcome to come back, mi amor."
  "I know, mamá. Thank you for everything these past few months. I needed it more than I knew." Sebastien said with his cheek against the top of her head. "Te amo mucho. Gracias por ser siempre un espacio seguro para mí."
(I love you so much. Thank you for always being a safe space for me.)
  "Por supuesto. Eso es para lo que estoy aquí." (Of course. That's what I'm here for.) She said softly, squeezing him gently before releasing him from the hug. "I hope everything works out with you and Alek, but if it doesn't, don't let it ruin your life. Relationships are important when you find one worthwhile, but they aren't everything, cariño."
  Sebastien smiled and nodded gently. "I know. I may not have had you around every day for the past six years, but I've had Ben. You'd be proud of the influence he has on me."
  "I know I would. Estelle and I keep in contact and I've heard only good things about you boys over the years."
  "You sure?" Sebastien quirked a brow.
  "Bad moments don't define you, Sebastien. How you overcome those bad moments says more about you." She smiled gently.
  Sebastien wondered what all she knew. He wondered what all Mrs. De Luca knew, and what all she told his mom. The fact that she didn't drag him back home at 16 tells him she definitely doesn't know everything.

  The first thing Sebastien did when he got on the plane was unblock Alek from every social media platform. He regretted it instantly.
  Alek looked okay. He looked...happy. He had posted a lot since Sebastien last looked at his accounts. Every post was beautiful and so damn painful.
  He couldn't stop scrolling and he took notice of the fact that not only had Alek been keeping up with his new haircut, but he had a nose ring and a few tattoos.
  "Well, shit, Leks." Sebastien mumbled, continuing to scroll, stopping for a bit too long on a few pictures, where Alek was wearing little to no clothes. He seemed to post a lot more shirtless pictures now that he had tattoos. Sebastien would be lying if he said that all of the comments didn't make him jealous.
  When Sebastien got back to his apartment, he realized that he didn't fully think it through. Sure, he wants to fix things with Alek, but he doesn't even know how to go about it. Is he even ready to jump back into it all? He doesn't know if Alek even wants to see him, let alone if he wants to get back together.
  Per usual, one visit with Ben gave Sebastien a lot of comfort and clarity. Especially since he went into it actually wanting to listen to Ben's advice for once.
  And damn was he good at it. One conversation got Sebastien to get a job at a club down the street from his apartment and gave him the push he needed to start drafting what the fuck he was going to say to win Alek back.
  He couldn't immediately start back up at the country club and chance running into Alek before he was ready. And he is definitely not ready. All he's thought up in his head is 'hey..' That's it. Just hey. His brain always tries to auto-fill with I'm sorry or I miss you or how have you been? But he knows none of those would be enough, despite their honesty.

  Due to his lack of a decent speech and Alek's lively appearance on social media, Sebastien was starting to doubt his decision. Maybe he shouldn't go back to him. Maybe Alek doesn't want him back. Maybe they're both better off apart. Maybe him showing up would ruin Alek's new life. No, don't be negative, Sebastien.
  "You look like you should be on this side of the bar." A beautiful, dark skinned girl with an afro said, walking up to Sebastien. "What's got you all melancholy?"
  "My ex." Sebastien said simply.
  Something he's learned the past few weeks working in a bar is that you can say whatever the fuck you want to anyone and chances are, you'll never see the person again. Or they'll be too drunk to remember. He's also trying this new thing where he doesn't bottle up his emotions and problems until they make him lash out.
  "That's never good." The pretty girl chuckled.
  "No, actually.." Sebastien sighed as he filled a glass with the tap, "It's way more complicated than you'd think."
  "Oh really? Wanna tell me all about it after your shift? Maybe I can see if this ex of yours is stupid or not." She said, eyeing him intently.
  "I'm flattered, but I'm gay." Sebastien slid a drink to the person next to her. "And I'm the stupid one. He tried to get me back, but I pushed him away for the dumbest fucking reasons."
  "So you want him back? It's not like a toxic thing that I, as a random stranger at the bar, am obligated to talk you out of?" She asked.
  Sebastien chuckled. "No. Like I said, it's very complicated. Honestly, sometimes I don't even believe it's a real thing. Feels like a fucking TV show plot. But he really took a step forward and apologized and explained himself. I just couldn't get back into it after I spent so long trying to convince myself that I was over him, and that he did what he did just to hurt and get rid of me."
  "And you think you're ready to have him back?"
  "Yeah, I am. I'm just hesitant because I don't know if he still wants me back. He seems..okay and I don't want to ruin that by stirring up shit." Sebastien sighed, leaning on the bar. "He went through so much shit before and now that he's away from that, I don't want to complicate things. I don't want to show up at his door if he's moved on and trying to just live his life."
  "Been stalking his social media?" The girl raised her eyebrows.
  "After I unblocked him, yes." Sebastien chuckled.
  "Oh damn, that bad, huh?"
  "Kind of, at first, but I think I tried to convince myself that it was worse than it actually was so I could like grasp it more and act like I hated him. I was so used to being blindsided and hurt, that I easily believed it happened all over again. But really, if I just listened to what he said when he apologized, I would've realized that it was actually the nicest, most loving breakup I've ever been through." Sebastien sighed.
  "Okay, who is this one who got away, who you want back?"
  Sebastien got his phone out and pulled up Alek's Instagram.
  "Aleksander Rochester?" She raised her eyebrows.
  "Oh fuck. I forgot he's famous. Shit did I just out him to a stranger?" Sebastien stressed.
  "Relax, you didn't out him. Everyone knows he's gay now." She said calmly.
  "Oh, okay. He just..what if I ruin his life by storming back into it? What if he's over me?"
  "Bitch, he got tattoos and a nose ring. He is definitely not over you." She laughed, handing Sebastien's phone back. "He's pretending to be, but trust me, he's not."
  Sebastien shook his head and rolled his eyes, pocketing his phone. "If you say so."