Untitled

Chapter Fifteen

  As soon as Alek got back to LA, he had made a home for himself in his bed. Again.
  His mind was running too fast and he couldn't stop feeling guilty. He fucked everything up with Sebastien, he fucked up his apology, he slept with some random guy, and now he's having a heart attack.
  No, it's not a heart attack Alek. It is not a heart attack.
  Alek rolled out of bed and immediately started rifling through his nightstand. He finally found the orange bottle in the back of the drawer, and took one of the rectangular pills with a glass of day-old water.
  He stood in the middle of his room with his hands on his hips, inhaling air through his nose that felt way too cold. He tapped his fingers against his skin. He repeatedly locked and unlocked his knees.
  How long does it take these damn things to kick in? Too long if you don't snort them.
  Alek cleared his throat, running his fingers through his hair and over his face. He half paced and stopped to blankly stare at the wall. He sighed and turned back around, grabbing the bottle off of his nightstand. He got a credit card out of his wallet and walked into his bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him.
  He poured a pill into his hand, stared at it, then let another one fall out. He used the fancy soap dispenser to crush them up on the counter, then used the black card in his hand to make two small lines.
  He leaned against the counter and stared at his reflection for a second. You felt like shit right after the breakup because you stopped taking them. It made everything worse.
  The second he started taking them again, he felt better. It's what got him out of bed. It's what got his constant headache and racing heart to go away. Hell, it's probably the only thing that got him through going to Sebastien's house. But taking them orally doesn't even compare to the feeling of letting the crushed substance go straight to his brain. At the end of the day, there was no debate really.
  He loves it.
  Alek sighed and chuckled lowly at his reflection. "I won't tell if you don't."
  He bent down and inhaled the two lines, shaking his head back and wiping his nose with his thumb and forefinger. He stared at his reflection again until he felt the lines take over the feeling in his chest.
  The light feeling in his head made him think of Sebastien and he ended up on his bed, staring at the TV upside down. He laughed as the increased feeling reminded him of the night he was trying not to think about. Since the feeling was only increasing, he let his brain indulge in the memory.
  Alek didn't expect to feel different simply by waking up and legally being 18. At the very least, though, he expected his parents to care enough to do more than get him an expensive present that he didn't want. He should've known better than to let that thought cross his mind.
  He just wanted to have a normal birthday, where he could get hugs from his parents, post pictures on his real birthday, and get presents that he actually liked. He'd become fairly good at faking his reactions, so his parents were none the wiser.
  "Aleksander, get dressed. We're going to golf today." His dad said, after Alek had unwrapped the gift he didn't want.
  "Dad...it's my birthday. Can't I just..skip out for one day?" Alek asked gently.
  "No. There are tournaments coming up and you need to be prepared. You can't be prepared if you skip practice. Go get dressed. I won't say it again." His voice sharpened and Alek knew that meant he needed to stop talking and do what his dad said.
  He simply nodded, apologized, and headed up to his room. His heart jumped when his dad cleared his throat. He turned around.
  "Not even going to thank us for the gift? You're an adult now. Act like it." His eyes were glaring right through Alek.
  "Yes, sir. I'm sorry. Um..thank you..for everything. I really like it." Alek smiled weakly, then quickly ran upstairs when he was dismissed with a hand.
  He walked into his bathroom and grabbed the bottle of pills he had hidden behind his various skincare products. He knew he was only supposed to take one, but he figured two wouldn't hurt. It's not like they were going to work all that well anyway.
  "Aleksander, let's go!"
  His father's voice was like an energy drink. It always sent a rush of adrenaline through his body and made him feel like just maybe he was about to have a heart attack.
  Alek took a breath, grabbed his things, and followed his parents out the door. Why he couldn't drive his own car on his birthday was beyond him, but he didn't dare question it. As far as his parents and the public knew, today was just July 27th. Nothing special.
  Maybe he should've sacrificed his almost fully healed skin, and told them he'd rather spend the day with his friends and not at some stiff country club. But if he did, then he wouldn't get to see Sebastien, the cute Latino boy he's been trying to get the courage to hit on for weeks. He's managed a few short conversations, but he sucks at flirting and probably came across a little rude sometimes out of habit. Not to mention, his parents are always around and all he can usually do is respectfully stare from a distance.
  His birthday lunch--if you could even call it that--was focused more on golf than on Sebastien and Alek was quite upset by that. Although, he somehow managed to get Sebastien to caddy for him and his dad and that seemed to be making up for it.
  Sebastien was so damn pretty. His light brown skin was glowing in the sun. His dark hair was curling more from the sweat on his neck and forehead. His sleeves were pushed up and a button or two had come undone on his shirt.
  Basically, Alek was in heaven. Or rather hell, considering his father was here, he currently has a fake girlfriend, and he has yet to make any progress with Sebastien. It turns out, flaunting your body and waiting for the guy to make the first move isn't technically flirting and is not very effective.
  Alek just wanted to kiss the pretty boy, but he was also extremely terrified to do so. He seems harmless. His friends call him Bash, though; that's either really cute or it's a tell of his not-so-good character. Alek feels it's probably the first reason.
  Pretty Latino boy aside, Alek really wanted to stop golfing. He was hot and honestly kind of nauseous, but that's his fault for trying to prevent his lungs from attempting to vacuum seal themselves.
  They had played almost half the course and Alek had played it pretty damn well, so maybe just maybe his dad would let up this once.
  Alek was sitting sideways on the back of the golf cart, his arm pressed against the top of Sebastien's back. The feeling was nice, but he tried not to let it distract him from ceasing the opportunity. "Dad, do we have to finish all nineteen holes? I'm hot."
  "If you ever want to go pro, you have to practice, son."
  "I've told you a million times, I don't want to play professional golf. I want to play basketball." Alek sighed. He still felt really nauseous, but he tried to focus on something else so he didn't throw up.
  Michael sighed heavily. "Son, golf is a much classier sport. Wouldn't you rather people look up at and not down on you? How can you be admired in a sticky gymnasium, covered in sweat and obnoxiously squeaking your shoes on the floor?"
  "Professional basketball players are actually admired much more than pro golfers." Sebastien chuckled.
  Alek wanted to smack the back of his neck for provoking his dad, but then he realized that Sebastien didn't know what he did.
  "This isn't your conversation." Michael said firmly.
  Alek's stomach flipped and he really did think he was about to vomit down Sebastien's back. And while that would mean he gets to see him shirtless, he does not want that to be the reason for it. So he swallowed hard and took a breath before defending Sebastien's statement. He doesn't fully know what he said, but his dad said he'd look into it and then he simply walked up to the next hole, so it couldn't have been that bad.
  "What a dick." Sebastien said, shaking his head slightly.
  "What do you mean? My dad can be tough at times, but he compromised with me." Alek said, throwing himself next to Sebastien. He grabbed the water from the cup holder and chugged some, hoping it would ease his stomach.
  "Come on. I'll look into it. I've heard that phrase a million times and let me tell you, they never fucking look into it."
  "Well, your experiences don't relate to mine." Alek snapped. He realized what he said and that it sounded pretty bad. His throat was dry, but he tried to correct himself. "I didn't- that's not how I meant it. I just meant like..you don't know my dad. And not everyone is the same. Just because people in your life have lied about it, doesn't mean that my dad is lying about it to me."
  Defending his dad was an instinct. Something he did without thinking twice or blinking. It felt like an acting job that he doesn't get paid for.
  Sebastien turned towards Alek. "I may not personally know your dad, but I've picked up on pieces of his personality. From my time working here, I have come to understand that people like your dad usually have the same principles. And if he truly cared about you and your happiness, he wouldn't compromise..he would tell you to just do what makes you happy. He wouldn't force you to participate in something that he knows you hate."
  Does he know? No, he doesn't know. He's just trying to make you feel better. Is he hitting on you? No, he knows you have a girlfriend. He's probably not even gay. He's friends with Alice. He probably likes her. He doesn't know, does he? No, Alek, he doesn't know. He's just a good person. With good advice. Advice you should take.
  "You're right." Alek laughed gently.
  "What?"
  "I said you're right. I take shit from my dad all the time. I dress how he wants me to, do what he wants me to," he swallowed hard, "date who he wants me to. I'm sick of it. Let's get out of here."
  "Are you fucking with me?" Sebastien turned to Alek.
  Alek already regretted what he said and there was a pit forming in his gut, but the glow in Sebastien's eyes was worth it.
  "Dude, no. Get out of here, he's coming." Alek spoke frantically. His heart was starting to slam against his chest and he thought maybe he could've taken three pills instead of two. Alek turned around in his seat and pushed his dad's golf clubs off of the back. The way the action made his head spin reminded him of the beer he drank during lunch and he figured just the two pills were fine for now.
  "Oh my gosh, you're gonna get me fired!" Sebastien turned the golf cart around and drove away from Michael, who began running after them and yelling.
  Alek let out a panicked laugh and sat correctly in his seat. "Sorry, dad! I fucking hate golf! See you at dinner!"
  He stared ahead with wide eyes and let out a breath. What the fuck did he just do?
  His mother seemed to show up out of nowhere, her tone unfamiliar and scary. "Aleksander Michael Rochester! What do you think you're doing running away from your father like that!? We do nothing but good things for you and this is how you repay us!? By abandoning your father and befriending the staff!?"
  The full name was like a stab in the chest, but it was nothing compared to the panic that had already set in. Did the Xanax fucking run away from him or something?
  "And what do you think you're doing? Influencing my son like that? Last I checked, we don't hire people to break rules and make friends with the members. You are to do your job, nothing more, nothing less. If I catch you stepping out of line again, I will have you fired, understand?"
  "Yes ma'am. I'm truly sorry. It won't happen again." Sebastien's hands were clasped in front of him and guilt started eating away at Alek's gut.
  "Mom, it wasn't his fault-"
  "I don't want to hear a word from you. Go tell your sister we're leaving. We will finish this discussion at home."
  Alek ran off without another word, finding Alice by the pool.
  "Please don't be mad at me." Alek said, his throat already tight.
  Alice sat up and looked at him with a gentle expression. "Why would I be mad at you?"
  "We have to leave. It's all my fault. Mom and dad are mad. I'm sorry." Alek said, feeling his throat burn and his eyes watering.
  "Hey," Alice stood up and brought him into a hug. "It's okay. It'll be alright. I'm sure they're not that angry."
  They were. They were very angry. Well, his dad was. His mom never really said much, but Alek took her silence as acceptance of he way her husband treated their kids.
  Since Alice hit twenty, she didn't get treated like Alek did. Although, she never really did to begin with. Since Alek was an accident, a reminder of Michael's affair, and a flight risk for homosexual tendencies, he always got the brunt. It was great that he was their focus, really, because he was always the cause anyway. It's only fair. Why should she suffer for something he did?
  "Alice, go to your room." Michael said the second the front door closed.
  Alek knew how much Alice hated leaving and knowing what she was failing to put a stop to, but they both knew that any attempt she made would just be shut down. Her gentle smile beforehand, and her comfort and support afterwards were all he needed.
  His dad's hand always felt different depending on the day. Depending on what Alek did. He thought for a split second that maybe he would get a pass today, but then he concluded that that was the dumbest thought he's had all year.
  His ribs and his back always got the most impact, since Alek still had to look camera ready at all times. In fact, he has a photoshoot tomorrow. But he knows his dad would rather pay to cover up his mistakes than never make them in the first place.
  The slaps hurt. The kicks were brutal. The actions were always accompanied with harsh, nasty words. But almost nothing compared to the fact that his mother just stood there. She never said anything. Alek thinks maybe she doesn't even look. But she's there. Why doesn't she ever stop him? Why doesn't she ever come to him when he's alone and say how scared she is or how much she wishes she could do something to stop it? Alek tried not to think about how that could mean that she doesn't think those things.
  Alek wanted to cry and puke and get drunk and forget everything, but he can't heavily drink with his medication, that doesn't even work.
  He kicked his bed in frustration and pulled on his hair. He saw the pills still sitting on his bathroom counter and he was suddenly relieved that his dad didn't follow him to his room today.
  He quickly walked into the bathroom, then closed and locked the door. He stared at the pills for a bit, as if waiting for them to crush themselves and fly into his nose.
  When he finally felt grounded enough, he stepped forward, poured a few out onto the counter, and crushed them up. It took a few minutes, but he eventually managed a fine white powder. He stared at it for a second. Maybe he shouldn't. It works faster. It makes you feel so calm and relaxed. It feels good.
  Before he knew it, the powder was in lines and then they had disappeared up his nose. He coughed and pinched his nose to stop himself from sneezing. "Fuck. Did it too fast."
  He leaned his head back and rubbed his nose, then shook his head. He sniffed harshly and wiped his nose one last time, then exhaled sharply.
  He made sure the counter was clean and then tucked the pills back into their hiding place. He flicked off the bathroom light and as he walked back into his bedroom, his head started to spin.
  He froze in his tracks and stared ahead. He noticed now that the sun had gone down and it was getting dark outside. The day was almost over.
  "Aleksander! Dinner!"
  Oh shit.
  Alek was no stranger to faking sobriety. He's only done it twice, but both times were a success as far as he knows. But that was just with alcohol. He usually tries not to snort the Xanax if he's already had alcohol, but he forgot about the beer he had at lunch until the pills were already up his nose. Right now, he doesn't know what acting sober is supposed to be like.
  Maybe he's thinking about it too much. It's just placebo. He'll sit down, force a bite of food into his mouth, and he'll be fine. They won't know.
  Alek descended the stairs slowly and joined his family at the obnoxiously large dinner table.
  "Delores made your favorite." Marie said as Alek took his seat.
  He noticed the beer in front of him and knew that if he didn't drink it, they would know something is up. So he grabbed it and took a few drinks as Delores dished food onto his parents' plates. He immediately regretted the decision, as it made his eyes heavy in just a few minutes.
  "I hope you aren't mad at me, Aleksander." Michael said stiffly once Delores left the room.
  "Mad? Nahhh. How could I be mad with beer and the parmesan..that I like." Alek said, flicking his hand at the dish.
  "Eggplant parmesan." Alice chuckled.
  "Yes! Thank you, Alice." Alek turned to her and almost cooed.
  She made a face at him, then turned to dish some food onto her plate--something she and Alek never let Delores do for them.
  "Care to do mine? I'm just..all that golfing today. Was a good game, ay dad?" Alek said, holding his plate out to Alice.
  "Yes. It was. Are you feeling okay?" Michael asked, eyeing Alek.
  "Yes. Perfect. Okay...don't be mad, but I mean, it isss my birthday. I may have had a beer..or two already. When at the club. When you're eighteen. Cheers, amirite?" Alek grabbed the beer and raised it in their direction.
  He could feel Alice looking at him, but he just drank his beer and looked at his parents, who seemed like they had something to say.
  "Yes, speaking of being eighteen." Michael said, folding his hands atop the table. "You see, when Alice turned eighteen, we encouraged her to find a boyfriend and secure herself a husband for life. Granted, she hasn't done that yet, but you have been dating Chloe for a few years now and I think she would make a great addition to this family. You know that the first of you to get married will receive the greater half of our inheritance. Meaning the clubs, the money, the properties, and the contracts with several companies."
  "Ahhh yes marriage. An eighteen year old's dream. Can't even buy cigarettes to take the edge off, but I can get married and secure a life of unhappiness." Alek drank more of his beer as his parents stared at him. "Kidding! Obviously. Gosh, you two. Chloe..is...lovely. I get it. You just want..what's best for me. And hey, inheritance? The properties alone got me. I'm there. Ring, bought. Wedding, thrown. Bride, betrothed. Honey, mooned. Aleksander and Chloe Rochester. What a lovely sound, right? Don't you think, Alice?"
  Alice stared at him and laughed awkwardly. "Yeah. Sounds great. I think...maybe you're rushing things a bit. I mean, you two didn't get married until you were in your mid twenties, so what's the rush for Alek, he's only just turned eighteen."
  "We didn't have back then what we have now, Alice. The rush is because our families work well together. Chloe is a great girl and her family legally connecting with ours would be tremendous for us and our relationships with other companies and big leagues." Michael said, grabbing his glass and drinking whatever was left.
  "Right. That makes sense." Alice nodded.
  "It would definitely take more than the little quick speech Aleksander gave, but I do not think that planning for your future is at all rushing ahead." Michael added.
  "Good point, dad. I agree. Totally. I think maybe I'll give it a little time, otherwise my turning eighteen today will be revealed and we can't have that, but as soon as we celebrate publicly and Adam leaves, I'm down for this plan." Alek said, finishing his beer faster than he realized.
  "That's a good idea." Michael said, seeming as if it pained him to say those words.
  "I'm quite tired and I couldn't eat another bite. Care if I head off to bed?" Alek said, pushing his plate away.
  "Alek, you didn't even-"
  "I think we've covered everything for tonight. You'll be up and presentable for the photoshoot tomorrow?" Michael raised a brow, asking a question, but demanding a certain answer without words.
  "Of course. I'm not drunk. Just a little tipsy." Alek waved his hand and then ascended the stairs, which was a lot harder than he thought it would be.
  His head felt weird, but the rest of him felt okay and he figured that was a win. He kept thinking about the pretty Latino boy and how he was probably still at the club. He always seemed to work later than everyone else. Not that Alek ever stuck around to find out.
  He fumbled around in his closet longer than he normally would, but he eventually managed to get his body into more comfortable clothes and shoes.
  Alek walked the short distance to the club, clicking his tongue and shaking his head when he easily walked through the unlocked gate and doors.
  He found Sebastien in the kitchen, broom sweeping the floor with headphones in. Alek stepped forward and tapped Sebastien's shoulder, making the boy scream loudly and jump in shock. The broom fell onto the tile, clanking against the floor along with Sebastien's high pitched "What the fuck!?"
  Sebastien ripped his headphones out and turned around to face Alek, who was laughing at the reaction.
  "That! That was priceless! Totally worth sneaking out for." Alek laughed, then placed his hands on his hips.
  "What the fuck are you doing here?" Sebastien asked, bending over to pick up the broom and his headphones that he had discarded in fear.
  "I could ask you the same thing. Everyone else already went home. Aside from security, of course. Why are you still here?" Alek ranted quickly.
  "A working man never rests." Sebastien sighed. "Gotta get that money, you know."
  Alek rolled his eyes. "I'm almost positive they don't pay overtime here."
  "You're correct in assuming that." Sebastien said, then dumped the dustpan's contents into the trash and hung up the broom.
  Alek hopped onto the counter. "So, why are you here, then?" Alek gasped, "Are you homeless? Sorry, that was probably rude of me to ask."
  Sebastien continued to work. "I don't want to get fired. I really fucked up today so I'm trying to make up for it, I guess."
  Alek felt a surge of guilt and he couldn't stop a bunch of words from tumbling out of his mouth, along with exaggerated actions. "I'm sorry. That's my fault, man. I just..I fucking hate golf so much and in the sun today it was brutal. Like..it makes me feel so dumb. Hitting a little ball with a stick. And it's quiet. Have you ever been to a golf tournament? Don't ever fucking go to one, they're boring as helllll. It's all old people and sun and sweat and fore! Like what the fuck does that mean? Not to mention the pretentious assholes that you have to converse with. Golf people are so uptight and ohhh they're so competitive. You wouldn't expect it, but there's so much rage behind those old, decrepit eyes."
  "Are you drunk?" Sebastien chuckled.
  Wow, he really threw him a bone, didn't he? Alek lifted an unsteady arm and pinched his thumb and forefinger together, squinting to look between the gap in his fingers. "Maybe a little~"
  "You should go home." Sebastien sighed, picking up dirty rags from around the kitchen and throwing them into a basket.
  "What's the fun in that?" Alek slipped off of the counter and walked over to Sebastien. He turned around and jumped slightly. Alek looked into his eyes and smiled. He's so pretty. The only thing between them was the basket of dirty towels and Alek really wished it wasn't there.
  "Alek, I have to close up. You should go home." Sebastien walked around Alek, but Alek impulsively stepped in front of him again, blocking his path.
  "Let's go swimming."
  Sebastien sighed. "No."
  "Come onnnnn, please?" Alek stuck his bottom lip out. Feeling water all around him sounded great. Seeing Sebastien wet and almost naked sounded better.
  "No, Alek. I already broke a rule today. If someone finds out that I swam in the pool, I would be fired." Sebastien finally made it around Alek and into the locker room. Alek followed him into the dark room, not ready to give up on his imagination.
  "Nobody has to know." Alek stepped forward, looking down at Sebastien. He inched closer. He gently grabbed Sebastien's arms as he tilted his head, "Please?"
  Before Sebastien could say anything, Alek grabbed his hand and lead him out the door and to the pool. He was still quite unsteady in the way he walked and for a brief second he thought that he probably shouldn't have drank the entire beer at dinner.
  He stripped down to his underwear and froze for a second as he realized most of his skin was exposed. It was dark and Sebastien didn't seem phased, so he smiled and held eye contact with Sebastien as he fell backwards into the water. He re-emerged with a loud gasp, "Ohhh it's cold!"
  Sebastien continued to watch him from the sidelines.
  "Join me." Alek spun in the water, looking back at Sebastien upside down. The action made his head spin faster, which in turn made him fall under the water.
  Sebastien crouched next to the pool. "Maybe next time. We should head out. It's late."
  Alek walked over and looked up at Sebastien. "You're no fun! I thought we bonded! I got yelled at by both of my parents for you! I threw a golf ball at my dad for fuck's sake! I'm grounded, you know? They suspended my credit card. Jokes on them, I know Alice's card number." The lies kept falling out of his mouth and he wasn't sure why. Maybe he wanted to make his actions seem more reasonable and less like him acting on his lowered inhibitions. He should even it out with something that's actually true. "You know I have a fucking golf tournament this weekend? My dad is making me play and then I have to keep playing and then he's probably going to enroll me in some stingy ass prep school,  where all the boys are gay and repressed and uptight and obsessed with golf and their moms, but will I get to live on campus like everyone else? Fuck no..I'm gonna go insane. I can't do it, Bash."
  Sebastien frowned. "I'm sorry, Alek. That really sucks. Why don't you just..stand your ground. You don't have to play golf. You don't have to do anything they say."
  "You must not know my parents." Alek chuckled, resting his chin on his hands that were laced together on the edge of the concrete. "I turned eighteen today and they're already sculpting my future for me. They had the fucking nerve to start talking about marriage. I'm fucking eighteen, not thirty. I just..I thought it would feel different like...I dont know. I expected a sense of freedom and relaxation, but it hasn't even been a day and I still feel suffocated. I'm already fucking sick of it." Okay maybe that was too much truth. It felt good to get it off of his chest, but he kind of wished that maybe he waited until his next therapy session to rant because he barely even knows Sebastien.
  "What's it like? Being an adult..living on your own?" Alek asked softly.
  Sebastien laughed, "It's nice. Freeing."
  Alek smiled, still looking up at Sebastien through his wet hair. He suddenly lifted himself up out of the pool. Sebastien backed up and Alek shook his head like a dog, stopping for a second to wait for his head to stop spinning.
  Sebastien sighed and said something that Alek's fuzzy brain couldn't process because he's almost positive it was in Spanish.
  Alek chuckled, fumbling with his clothes, "What?"
  "We should go. I really need to close up." Sebastien cleared his throat and turned away, "Um..did you drive here?"
  "Are you crazy? I'm drunk, not fucking stupid. I walked. My house is like..just over there." Alek flicked his hand in the direction of his house. Walking back sounded like hell, but he couldn't successfully sneak back into his house if he showed up in some other guy's car.
  "You good to walk back on your own?"
  "I walked here, didn't I?" Alek smirked and held his arms out.
  Alek still doesn't know how he managed to successfully sneak out of the house that night, but he did it. And who was he to question why it didn't end in him getting hurt more.
  He let the memory drift away and stared at the black screen of the TV a bit longer. Once he felt like his brain had stopped turning over in his skull, he rolled off of his bed.
  "Ahh, there it is." He chuckled, holding the edge of his bed for stability.
  He shook his head and wiped his hand over his face, exhaling. He flicked his eyes to the clock on the wall and groaned. It's only 10 A.M. That's late enough for a nap, right? Yeah, totally. He nodded to himself, then kicked his jeans off and got into bed.
  He laid on his back and stared at the ceiling for a minute. He could feel his heartbeat. In his fingers. On his tongue. He flipped over a few more times before he got up and quickly walked to the bathroom. He grabbed the pills from his old hiding place and put another one in his mouth, washing it down with water from the sink.
  "Okay. Sleep now." Alek exhaled, then left the bathroom and tucked himself back into bed. Sleep came quite easily and lasted a bit longer than it probably should've.