Untitled

Chapter Eighteen

  Sebastien was mentally preparing what he was going to say to Fortune from the second he woke up. He loves Alek and he wants to trust him, but he needs to make sure that Fortune knows the severity of the situation, so Alek can't go back to him. Alek had also said that he'd rather not come clean about his addiction to one of his close friends.
  Sebastien had never had a heart to heart with Fortune. In fact, he's not sure he's ever been alone with him. Or seen him when he's not high. He was kind of nervous, but Alek always talks about how nice and attentive Fortune is, so hopefully it will be smooth.
  They settled into a coffee shop and placed their orders, now sitting across from each other. Sebastien was relieved when Fortune spoke first, as he had no idea how the fuck to start this conversation.
  "So, what did you need to talk about? Is everything okay? You and Alek aren't having problems are you?"
  Sebastien waited until after the waitress sat their drinks down to answer. "No, we're fine. It is about Alek, though."
  "Oh? And you wanted to talk to me about it?" Fortune chuckled gently.
  "I kind of have to talk to you about it."
  Fortune's eyebrows furrowed and he tilted his head, "Okay.."
  "Um..so you know how Alek would get anxious sometimes you'd give him a Xanax when it got bad?"
  Fortune nodded. "Yeah, he hadn't done that in a while, so I thought his dad was like the cause of it. Then he started asking for it again and I wondered why, but didn't want to like pressure him about it. Is he alright?"
  "Well, he doesn't just get anxious. He's diagnosed and got prescribed medication, Xanax to be exact, and that's why he stopped asking you for them before." Sebastien took a breath. "He got addicted to them."
  Fortune sat up and looked the most alert Sebastien had ever seen him. "What the fuck? Are you serious? Is that why he started asking for them again?"
  Sebastien nodded.
  "How long?"
  "He told me he had them prescribed for two years and it didn't take long for them to stop doing what they were supposed to do and make him start snorting them."
  "Shit, man..is he like good now?" Fortune leaned back and stirred his coffee slowly.
  "Yeah, we worked through it, got him new medication. Then he relapsed. Now I'm here to hopefully make sure that doesn't happen again. I just wanted you to know, so he couldn't come to you behind my back..again." Sebastien half chuckled, pushing his hair back out of his face.
  "You know I wouldn't have given him any if I knew his situation. Is he like completely off of them now?"
  "They're gone. Meaning we flushed the rest of them."
  "Did you wean him off of them first?"
  "No...should I have?"
  "Yes. Bash, the withdrawal symptoms of Xanax can be intense. Sometimes deadly. He could like have seizures and shit." Fortune's mellow voice usually made it easy to hear bad news, but Sebastien still felt sick from hearing that information.
  "Oh. Okay. Um..could you give me some, then? He can't get them from his therapist, he told her he didn't like Xanax when he tried to stop the first time."
  "Yeah, of course. How much does he usually take every day?" Fortune casually took a drink of his coffee like he has conversations like this all the time.
  "Um..well...he said he would take two orally and then when that wouldn't work, he would snort one, sometimes two. So I think usually three, but sometimes four?" Sebastien said, trying to recall all of the information Alek had given him over time.
  Fortune pulled out his phone and started writing on the screen with his finger as he spoke. "Okay, so I'd say start with three. At the end of week one, two and a half. The end of week two, one and a half, and..." he continued writing and mouthing to himself, then looked back up to Sebastien. "Overall, that should take around a month. I made a little chart. I'll send it to you."
  Seconds later, Sebastien received a screenshot of Fortune's calender, each day containing the number of pills he was supposed to give Alek. "Fifty-five in total!?"
  "Your boy's been at it a while. It's less than he's probably taken in previous months. And for that reason, it's gonna be hard. If you ever need help or have questions, just ask me. I'm sure I'll have the answers."
  "Thanks for..doing this."
  "Of course, man. I'd do anything for Alek. I never thought that providing him with addictive drugs would be one of those things, but here we are." Fortune chuckled.
  "Is your contact name in his phone link?" Sebastien asked, curiosity getting the better of him.
  Fortune laughed. "Yeah, I think it is. It's been like that since we met. He thought it was funny or something because I'm like always high or saying we should smoke together."
  Sebastien felt relief throughout his entire body. Deep down, he knows Alek would never cheat on him. But not so deep down, he always thinks back to his exes who acted the same way Alek had been and then got caught cheating.
  Fortune gave him a totally not suspicious looking bag of Xanax before they parted ways, also telling Sebastien to give words to Alek for him when he's feeling better.
  When Sebastien got back to Alek's, the blond haired boy was on top of the comforter asleep. He was laying on his right side, his right arm beneath his head, and his knees bent. He looked beautifully fake.
  Sebastien walked over and ever so gently sat on the edge of the bed next to Alek. He gently pushed Alek's hair out of his face, staring intently at his soft features. His face was squished against the pillow, making his lips stick out more than normal. His eyebrows were furrowed, indicating an unpleasant feeling or dream. Sebastien hoped it was the latter.
  "My head hurts." Alek mumbled against the pillow, his eyes still shut tightly.
  Sebastien placed a hand on Alek's forehead and used his thumb to smooth out the crease between his eyebrows. "Fortune says he's really fucking mad at you for using him like a drug pimp."
  Alek chuckled against the pillow, his eyes still closed. "He's a good one. So he wasn't mad?"
  "Nah. Just worried," Sebastien continued to gently rub Alek's forehead. "I have something you might like."
  "Hm?" Alek's eyebrows furrowed again as Sebastien pulled his hand away.
  Sebastien was hesitant, but he knows that it's what Alek needs to safely quit. He pulled the bag out of his pocket.
  At the sound of rustling plastic, Alek slowly opened his eyes. He sat up abruptly when he saw the bag of pills. "Bash.. why the fuck do you have those? I thought we were- I'm not..I can't- oh fuck, that made me dizzy." Alek rubbed his face.
  "Fortune said you have to gradually stop taking them. You can't just stop or.."
  "I could die?"
  "Yeah, something like that." Sebastien chuckled humorlessly. "He gave me a chart and everything and I'm keeping these little fuckers with me, so don't get any ideas."
  Alek nodded, not taking his eyes off of the bag of white pills.
  "You get three today."
  "Hell yeah, it's a party." Alek said monotonously, nodding his head.
  Sebastien stood up and grabbed the glass of water from Alek's nightstand. He held it out to him.
  "What's this for?" Alek looked at the glass quizzically.
  "The pills, what else?" Sebastien grabbed three of them from the bag and held them out to Alek in a closed fist.
  "You mean I don't get to snort them? What's the fun in that?" Alek rolled his heavy eyes.
  "Leks, we're trying to get you to quit, not enable your addiction. Take them."
  "Take the drug I've been wanting to take since yesterday? If you fucking insist." Alek pried Sebastien's fingers open and took the rectangular pills out of his hand.
  Sebastien turned around and walked over to the sofa, shoving the bag into the bottom of his backpack.
 
  Sebastien was trying to not be overbearing. He didn't want to be incessant and annoying and then eventually be the cause of Alek turning back to something he shouldn't.
  The first week was smooth, but Sebastien kind of expected that, considering it's when Alek gets the highest dosage. He hated how he was fully supplying Alek with his addiction, but he had to keep telling himself that this was part of the process to get him out of it. He also hated how much he was enjoying high Alek. For the first few days, Alek was touchy and so smug.
  Sebastien wasn't entirely sure how to process or deal with being around Alek like this, but he at least knew one thing. High Alek is not regular Alek. He was one hell of a fuck, though.
  The gradual process was seeming to go okay. Alek wasn't acting different and he didn't seem to have any withdrawals. The third week, however, was making Sebastien regret having ever thought those words.
  Alek was down to taking one a day now and it was showing. Sebastien was close to being able to start Alek on his medication that actually works, but even the mention of it had Alek yelling at him.
  The week was rough, as he had expected it to be. Alek was hesitant and angry. The switch between medications was really taking a toll on him the second time around. He barely left the house, forcing him to eat was hard, and almost every time Sebastien saw him, he was asleep.
  It was concerning, but he was also a little relieved. He felt like when Alek was asleep, he was safe. He could stare at him for hours--he was never able to because he has work and that's creepy--but he could've. He looked so pretty and calm and unharmed.
  This felt like the longest August of Sebastien's life. Every day felt a month long. Not once did he ever think about giving up on Alek, but he did feel like a gentle parent at times when he had to excuse himself in order to not scream in Alek's face.
  After his third time taking a breath (and a smoke break) this week, he walked back into Alek's room. Alek was sitting on the edge of the sofa, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.
  Sebastien slowly walked over and took the bag out of his pocket. Before he could blink, Alek had stood up, grabbed his arms, and pinned his back against the white leather.
  "Feeling better?" Sebastien chuckled, looking up at Alek's hungry glare.
  Alek nodded and slowly leaned down to kiss Sebastien. Their tongues met gently between their lips and Alek slowly pushed his hands up Sebastien's sides. His right hand inched up Sebastien's left arm until their fingers were laced together.
  Sebastien slightly leaned his neck up to deepen the kiss, squeezing Alek's hand. Alek smirked against his mouth and suddenly rolled off of him.
  Sebastien turned to look at him and then realized how empty his right hand felt.
  Fuck.
  Sebastien stood up and chased Alek towards the bathroom, where his foot barely stopped the door from closing. He flung it open fully, mentally cursing Alek for having such a huge ass bathroom.
  Alek ended up with his back against the wall and Sebastien was having a standoff that he hoped he'd never have again.
  "Alek..give them to me."
  "I'm going to take them anyway, whats the difference?"
  "There's a big fucking difference, Leks. The difference is if you took the rest of them now, you'd completely reset all of your progress." Sebastien sighed.
  "And I'd have to start over? And take more? What ever would I do then?" Alek rolled his eyes. "You keep saying that shit. Progress this and whatever the fuck, I feel like shit. There is no progress."
  "That is the progress, Leks. Sobriety isn't going to make you feel good-"
  "Then what's the fucking point?"
  "At first. You won't feel good at first. But you will eventually. Remember what you said to me about the other medication? About how it actually worked and it made you feel better. That's why we're doing this."
  "I didn't know what I was talking about back then. I was high."
  "You told me you weren't high on your birthday." Sebastien crossed his arms.
  "Oh is that when I said that? My bad." Alek's eyes were getting heavy and Sebastien knew he had to move fast.
  "Leks, give me the fucking pills. I have to go to work." Sebastien held his hand out.
  "Can you at least let me snort it today?" Alek asked as if it were a normal question.
  "No." Sebastien quickly took a few steps forward and ripped the bag out of Alek's hand.
  "At least stay home with me today." Alek shuffled slowly behind Sebastien.
  "I can't. I've already taken too many days off this month. If I take any more, we won't be able to go to Seattle in November. You still want to do that, right?" Sebastien walked over to Alek and handed him the pill.
  Alek nodded and took it out of his hand slowly, then washed it down with a bottle of water. "What if I need you?"
  "Then call me. Alice will be here with you all day." Sebastien stepped forward and kissed Alek softly. "I love you."
  Alek nodded. "I love you too." He wrapped his arms around Sebastien and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry."
  Sebastien smiled into Alek's neck, kissing his skin before pulling away. He held Alek's waist and kissed his nose. "Eat something today, yeah?"
  Alek nodded again, only slower this time.
  By the time Sebastien had grabbed his things and put his shoes on, Alek was in bed with the TV on and his eyes fluttering.
  Sebastien stopped by Alice's room before he left, leaning against the doorframe. "Hey, I'm heading out. Can you check on him in an hour or so? He's not taking this week very well."
  "Of course." Alice smiled, worry glittering in her eyes. "Do you think..after this, it'll all be over?"
  "I hope so. It's so fucking hard to see him like this, Alice." Sebastien felt his throat tightening and the second Alice's arms were around him, he suddenly realized how fucking exhausted he felt.
  Alice rubbed his back and rested her chin on his shoulder. "He'll be okay. He has you and me and eventually, he'll have everyone else too. I can't imagine how hard it's been on you, but it's almost over. He'll get through it."
  Sebastien hugged her tighter and nodded, sniffling. "Fuck, I can't go to work like this or Ben with have my ass in chains all day."
  Alice chuckled as she stepped back.
  Sebastien wiped his face gently and fanned his eyes dry. "How do I look?"
  "Like the first time I met you," Alice smiled, "fake happy."
  Sebastien flicked a middle finger at her, then left the house. He walked to work today, taking deep breaths and smoking away his sad feelings.
  He got through the first few hours easily, taking to disassociating, instead of being present. He wondered why he'd hadn't been doing this all along because suddenly it was lunch, he had $250 in his pocket, and he couldn't remember a thing that he did.
  During their lunch break, he sat in the kitchen with Robbie and Ben for what felt like the first time in forever.
  "You going to your parents for your birthday again this year?" Robbie asked, after a few topics had come and gone.
  Sebastien nodded. "Yeah, were staying for two weeks this time."
  "How do you think that's gonna go? After the break up and everything." Ben asked.
  "Well, considering they don't know we're back together yet, it could go either way." Sebastien chuckled.
  "They don't know!? Dude, it's been like months." Robbie widened his eyes.
  "I know, but I've been so busy and distracted with everything, that I forgot. And now I just think it'd be a neat surprise. Like hey, happy birthday. Oh thanks, here's Alek."
  "Thwack!" Ben's sound effect was accompanied by his knuckles making a dull thump against his palm.
  Sebastien looked to him with furrowed eyebrows. "The fuck was that?"
  "That was Marco hitting Alek with his ex-boyfriend baseball bat." Ben said, casually taking a sip of his drink.
  Sebastien rolled his eyes. "He wouldn't..he's not gonna..fuck he's gonna beat the shit out of Alek, isnt he?"
  Ben nodded.
  Sebastien's phone went off and the second he opened the message from Alice, there was a smile on his face. It was a picture of Alek's back in front of the open fridge, the message saying he's getting a snack! Voluntarily!!!
  "So Bash can text his significant other at work, but I can't text mine?" Robbie rolled his eyes.
  "I'm just the favorite. Get used to it, Robs." Sebastien smiled, tucking his phone into his pocket, after responding to Alice with a lot of happy emojis. He stood up and threw away his trash, Robbie following.
  "You two practically live together, you can't go eight hours without texting them?" Ben was the last to stand.
  "Bash and Alek see each other way more than Sev and I do. You've let him take days off of work this month, but when he wasn't working here, you barely let me take a break. You guys are all bonded and I feel like the left out line cook again." Robbie frowned, crossing his arms with a sigh.
  Ben gave Sebastien a look.
  Sebastien turned to Robbie and smirked. "Mom has favorites and it's me. Sorry. My lunch is over. See you at dinner."
  He plans on telling Robbie at some point, it's just never felt like the right time. He either forgets because he's so busy or he remembers and feels too shitty to talk through everything for the nth time.
  Sebastien was expecting Alek to be asleep when he got home, but he was wide awake, laying flat on his back like a starfish.
  "Rough day?" Sebastien chuckled. He closed the bedroom door behind him and then tossed his backpack onto the sofa.
  "Mhm."
  "Did you have another one?"
  "Mhm."
  "Just a few more days, Leks." Sebastien sighed, unbuttoning his shirt. He walked over to the closet and tossed his dirty work clothes into the basket inside the doorway.
  "Wanna shower with me?" Sebastien asking, turning to face Alek.
  Alek flopped his head to the side to look at Sebastien. "M'kay."
  "Come on, babe." Sebastien held his hand out to Alek.
  Alek slowly rolled off of the bed and grabbed Sebastien's hand, shuffling behind him into the bathroom.