Attempting To Trust (Niall Horan Fan Fiction)

Chapter 17

Karla POV

When I had awaken, I felt breath on my neck. Where the breath caressed me, I felt goosebumps rise on my skin. Instead of my normal reaction of flailing around out of fear, I laid there, enjoying the touch.

I'm so conflicted.

With me being abused, both emotionally and physically, it's so difficult to trust Niall. The only thing I've ever wanted is someone to love me, but now that I have someone who cares about me, I am nervous and scared. I know that Niall is far too sweet of a person to ever hit me, or hurt me for that matter, but the fears still fill my mind. When you have been in a situation like I had, you never fully recover. Not necessarily physically, but emotionally. I'm scarred by my past. My past will forever haunt me. My past will haunt me more than any person could ever fully understand unless they've been through the same situation.

If I could run away from my own mind, I would.

But I can't.

My past will be with me forever no matter how hard I try.

Whenever Niall touches me, no matter what kind of touch, I feel electricity flow through me. And it always frightens me at first, but the longer I've known him, the more I've gotten used to his electric touch.

We laid there for what felt like only moments. I turned my head to look at his digital clock on his oak bedside table to notice that the clock proved we'd been laying there for an hour, cuddling.

I felt out of place, seeing as I never would have pictured myself like this, ever. I have always myself lying alone for the rest of my life. I have never wanted to get married, and figured I would save everyone from the torture.

When you hear that you are ugly, worthless, stupid, insignificant, disgusting, fat, and any other hurtful thing imaginable every single day of your life, you start to believe the harsh words. At first, you may be in denial of them, but eventually you believe them. The words hurt every moment of your life. You never forget them. You look in the mirror or down at your stomach and thighs, and see the words. The words flash across your skin and your mind. The words are almost tangible, like a 3d movie; you see it come toward you but you cannot actually touch them, but you can feel them.

Soon you find yourself in pain. The emotional hurt begins to feel it physically. It's almost as if the words are burning themselves into your skin; your mind. No matter how fast, how far, how long you run, the words will always be there. Forever.

Niall knew nothing about my past and I intended to keep it that way. He could never see me as weak. I have to be strong.

So instead of depressing myself any further with my dark thoughts, I turned around and pecked him on the cheek delicately, trying not to wake him. He gave a grungy moan as I untangled myself from his protective arms.

It was difficult to separate myself from his bed. He has the most comfortable bed I had ever been in, and I longed to crawl under his covers again. I feel the warmth on my body of where his arm once was and never wanted it to leave. His touch was the only thing that warmed anymore.

I looked in the mirror in Niall's bathroom, noticing the annoying baby blue colored walls surrounding me. I appreciated the higher ceiling and ginormous bathroom, though. I saw my disgusting, stubborn brunette curls going all different directions. I hate my hair.

Girls with straight hair can through it back in a ponytail and call their hair,"done." Me, on the other hand, had to put loads of products and a blowtorch just to get one strand to lie flat. Everything about me has always screamed, no matter how hard I've tried to blend in, "You're different!" It's taken me my entire life to get used to it, and every once and a while, I am still antagonized by the thought.

When I continue to look in the large mirror, stretching almost across the entire wall, I have the flashback to last night before that witch came over. Niall, so upset; devastated. What was going through his mind? What was haunting his innocent mind?

Tip toeing past Niall, hoping he can get as much sleep as possible, I walked into his living room which was broad and open, giving access to all other rooms in his flat. It was the room that was connected with the front door and had tons of windows everywhere, which instantly made you happier with all the light in there.

When Niall woke up, I was watching TV out in his living room.

He was grungy and he wiped his eyes feverishly. His eyes were an even brighter blue in the morning, I realized. His blonde quiff looked even more perfect without him styling his strands.

"Karla...you want to go out tonight? Like, on a date?" He asked both nervously and groggy.

"Sure, Niall," I said trying to comfort his nervousness.

He drove me back to the soccer stadium where my blue mustang sat in the back of the enormous parking lot.

I drove all the way home and found myself exhausted from last night. Falling on the ground in a panic attack does that to people.

I stuck my key into the lock and turned lightly when I found it stuck. So, shocked, I turned it harder, but it was still stuck. Frustrated, I turn the sterling silver knob aggressively and found myself stumbling in my flat with my head toward the ground.

I heard a loud click and voice saying in my ear,"I've been waiting for you."

Petrified, I slowly moved my head up from the ground, focusing on the black stiletto boots my intruder was wearing.

"Don't move! I'll shoot you."

I stayed frozen.

"Are you willing to listen, you little slut?"

"Yes," I said quietly with a frog stuck in my throat.

"Do you understand how much I want to kill you?"

"I can imagine."

"I don't need your attitude! I have a gun to your head, moron."

In a flash, out of instinct I kicked her in the chest.

After the kick, my intruder was laying on the ground holding her torso and groaning in pain. That's when I took in her features. Dark brown hair that fell close to her hips. Bright blue eyes with darkness clouded behind it.

Ali.

Ali wanted to kill me.

I ran out my door toward my Mustang and drove to Niall's house. He was the only one who could comfort me right now; the only person who could protect me. Even though Niall could never hurt anyone, his strong and secure arms made me feel like nothing could ever hurt me. His arms could never hurt me. He could never hurt me.

I liked the thought of that.

I knocked on the front door that just like his living room, was covered in windows. My entire body shook with fear. It felt like years before Niall finally opened his door. He opened the door and smirked, but when he saw my aghast expression, he showed a shocked expression.

I ran into his living room, and was relieved to be safe from her threats.

When she out the gun to my head I was reminded of my past once again. Going to bed scared that I wouldn't wake up in the morning. Scared that Eddie would come and kill me during the night. I had eventually numbed myself from that feeling, but I never thought the numb feeling would be a good thing in any scenario, but, thanks to my emotional wall I had built up about being killed, I had enough clarity of mind to react when she had the gun to my head. Any other person with a gun to their head would have been frozen and in shock for too long to react. I admit I was still shaken up, I eventually got the clarity of mind to defend myself.

I never thought my past could have helped me.

Noticing my terror, Niall rapped his arms around me, holding me against his chest, whispering condoling words in my ear.

When my shaking finally ceased, I quietly said,"Ali was there...she had a gun to my head."

He looked horrified and slightly guilty for whatever reason, and mumbled something to himself before pulling me closer and tighter into his chest.

Although he could never hurt anyone, he is the only person who could ever protect me.