things i keep to myself

4.

(tw: mention of suicide/dying, drugs, alcohol)

like always, i'm not promoting anything bad, this is a vent poem

what the fuck what the fuck
why does it feel like i'm stuck
i don't have the energy for this
i'm not someone people will miss

no one will miss me when this is over
i don't feel like this when i'm not sober
drinking and getting high
it's not that i don't want to die

i don't wanna live but i don't wanna kill myself
it doesn't matter, i'll hide my feelings on a shelf
suppress everything
i feel nothing

maybe i wanna die
i just don't understand why