From The Ashes We Will Rise

Done Fighting This

Hey! This one is going to be heavy on fluff and cuteness. Hope you enjoy!

POV Alex

It's been two weeks and I and I am finally fully healed. We stayed in Arkadia for a week before Abby allowed me to travel back to Polis. The whole time Lexa was by my side taking care of me. She claimed she didn't trust anyone else but I think she was still a little shaken from what happened and needed to feel useful and make sure I was really there. I'm not complaining though who wouldn't want a healer Lexa? We got much closer and spend our time talking about everything and anything from our memories of childhood to random thoughts and future problems. Then this past week in Polis has been great. I get less death stared or fearful ones and I'm pretty sure that's because of Lexa. Lexa was in protective mode and even got poor Nyko to tend to me when she couldn't meaning I got to catch up with him as well. Since Clarke stayed in Arkadia and only Octavia came back she needed more people she could trust. Octavia has been amazing in helping me sneak out since Lexa is getting a bit overbearing. Anya and I have gotten much closer and our bond is a mother daughter one I longed for, for so long. We haven't brought up what happened and I am pretty sure Lexa is waiting till I was better so I am just waiting for her to ask. But back to the present, right now I am having my first training session since being fully cleared and lets just say Octavia is going to feel it. "Ugh!" she groans as she hits the ground again holding her nose. I laugh and hold out a hand. "Am I ever going to win?" She huffs as I pull her up. I smirk and shrug, "We'll have to see" I say and twirl my daggers. "No, no I am done. 11 rounds of my getting my ass beat is enough. I'm going to have bruises for a whole month! Lincoln is so going to make fun of me" she whines making me laugh. "Don't worry, you'll have a old lady limp" I tease and she narrows her eyes at me. "You are getting better" I say and she smiles and laughs. "Ya feels like it every time I hit the floor" she says and I laugh. "Maybe but you learn something every time and use it, perfectly. I am just better" I tease and back away wiggling my brows making her laugh. "So what do you want to do?" She asks as we walk out of the training pits. "You aren't too sore? Don't you want to go fine Indra or Lincoln?" I ask her and she shakes her head. "I want to have fun with my bestie" she says slinging her arm around my neck, but since she is shorter it's more like hanging off me. I nod and smirk a little as we walk down the streets of Polis. "So, how are you and Lexa?" She asks with a smirk. "Same as when you asked me this morning" I say and she huffs. We spend the rest of the afternoon talking and walking around until we run into Lincoln and he steals her away. I decide to walk back to the tower and just hang out in my room for the rest of the night.

I had cleaned up and unbraided my hair. I just finished drying off and I'm now in my undergarments. I look into the mirror at my stomach and touch the new scars that are forming on my skin. I sigh and slip on some pants and a loose shirt then sit on my bed. I stare out of the open curtain at the dimming sky. I haven't really processed much of what happened to me or the whole weird encounter with my not mother. I haven't been left alone for long enough to think about it. All I know is I have been getting more comfortable using my powers and not having fear of them taking over. I feel more controlled but then there is also the issue of me transcending and a wave of radiation. I don't know when or how long I have, but the longer it takes to come the more I don't want to, because that means I would have to leave Anya, Octavia... Lexa. I don't think I will be strong enough to do that. My eyes find the stars and I start to wonder what I am, what this power is made from. I know she told me but I have no idea what she was talking about. Then there's the thing with my mother and how having this power killed her. I don't know how to feel, I mean I've never known her and I have a mother but still... I sigh and lower my head looking at the ground, I get startled by a knock at the door making me raise my head and look at it. "Come in" I say and the door opens revealing Lexa in plain clothes and face clean, her hair free flowing down over her shoulders. I smile at her and stand up as she walks over to me. Her arms wrap around my neck and her lips find mine in a sweet kiss that has become common to us. No matter how much I kiss her it still feels amazing and unreal. We pull back and look at each other smiling. "Hi" she whispers looking in my eyes with so much softness and another emotion I think I know but don't want to say out loud. Ever since we were interrupted two weeks ago I haven't spoken those words yet. I don't know if I should with everything that is going to happen I don't want to break her heart. But I do, I do love her so much and I want to protect her by not saying it to her. "Hi" I whisper back and she pulls me into another kiss. We end up sitting in bed resting against the headboard and just talk and be near each other. She had ordered for food to be brought and when that came we ate in bed and laughed about random things we talked about. When we finished, we had cleaned up and lit a few candles as the room began to get dark. We were on the balcony now a blanket wrapped around us both as we watched the stars above. I tuned to look at her eyes sparking in the moon light her skin glowing from the candles. I was so in love with her that my heart hurt, she turns to me feeling me staring at her and smiles confused at me which is adorable. "What?" She laughs out making me smile. "I...You are so beautiful" I say brushing a strand of loose hair from her face. I can feel her cheeks heat up and she ducks her head, but I grab her chin and gently lift her head. "Don't hide from me" I whisper running my thumb across her jaw line. She leans into me and we just look into each other's eyes. "I have never felt this before" she says making me tilt my head and smile encouragingly for her to continue. "I have loved others before" she starts and she looks so vulnerable and young in this moment. "There was Costia, I loved her but there was always something blocking me from fully giving in. I had always felt something for you but never payed attention to it, and when you... when you were gone, I felt broken and empty and I didn't know why. Alex..." She says with so much emotion, her eyes shinning with tears. "I... I am scared. I know now that love is not weakness but strength. You taught me that, but I am so scared of loosing you or you getting hurt or taken away or... or you not loving me back the way I love you because that would break me. I can't live, function without you and that scares me." She says tears falling from her eyes. I lift my hand and wipe her cheeks from tears and give a small smile. "Lexa... You are so much stronger then you think you are. You don't need me, you would be fine without me." I say and go to continue but she shakes her head. "No, I do. I do need you and that is what scared me. I have never needed anyone, been so afraid of loosing one person. If that is love then how is that not weak? But then I think of When you are with me or how I feel around you. It gives me so much strength and something to fight for. You are my weakness, but you are also my strength" She says and my resolve breaks. I can't stand here and not tell her how I feel, powers be damned if I can live without them as long as I have her. I know there is a risk I am taking that she told me if my powers leave but I am willing to risk it for her. I pull her flush against me and kiss her like I have never before kissed her. I poured every bit of love, longing, fear, and doubt into the kiss. I grab her waist with one hand and her neck with the other and tilt her head making the kiss deepen and her moan. The blanket falls to the ground as I move her against the wall making her gasp and I slip my tongue into her mouth making both of us moan at contact. I push my body against hers and kiss her with every last bit of air I have and then pull away slowly biting her bottom lip making her groan as I pull away. We are both panting and flushed foreheads pressed together bodies flush. Our breath mixes together as we calm ourselves down. I keep my eyes closed as I take deep breaths then open them to her shimmering dark green eyes. "I am done fighting this. I want you, I need you Lexa." I say and she smiles at me as I stroke the side of her neck with my thumb. "Ai hod yu in" I say and her eyes widen a bit before she leans forward kissing me. The kiss breaks from our smiles making us lean away. We both smile at each other holding each other close. "Ai hod yu in" she says and I kiss her chastely making her chase after my lips when I pull back. I smirk and give her another peck before pulling away. "lets head back in" I say and she nods smiling grabbing my hand and pulling me inside, I barely have time to grab the blanket that had fallen. She spins us around and pushes me to sit on the bed, I crawl back so my head is on the pillows and she crawls after me straddling my lap. My hands go to her waist holding her there as she smiles down at me slowly lowering her body down flush against my own. Her hair falling to one side of her shoulder as she tilts her head to kiss me again. Her hands grip my shoulders and I tighten my hold on her hips making her moan letting me slip my tongue in. The kiss is slow and passionate, no rush our tongues exploring each others mouths.

"Can I stay tonight?" Lexa asks. We are both cuddled up together under the covers. Her body fit snuggly into mine as I play with her hair and she draws shapes under my shirt on my stomach. "You don't have to ask, you are Heda" I tease scratching her scalp making her practically purr. "Mmmm, true but I wanted to make sure it was ok" she says now looking at me making me smile. "I appreciate that, but we have practically spent every night together." I say stroking her cheek making her lean into my hand. "Maybe I was making sure you weren't sick of me yet" she says. I know it's teasing but there's a hint of vulnerability in her voice. "Never" I say leaning down and kissing her lips softly. "I'm sorry..." She whispers and I furrow my brows in confusion. "What for?" I ask stroking her hair. "Hiding. Only coming to you in the night." She says. "You are busy, and you took care of me" I say kissing her nose. She scrunches it giggling adorably. "You are adorable" I say smiling and she tries to glare at me but it's too adorable. "Still adorable" I say poking her nose. "I am commander of 12 clan's fearless leader. I make people fall to their knees. I am NOT adorable. "She says sterner but I just laugh making her huff and cross her arms over her chest. "Like a rabid raccoon" I laugh out and she gasps, "how dare you!" She says but starts laughing too. We end up facing each other smiling wide. "Do you want to come to the counsel meeting with me tomorrow? We are talking about Azgeda." She whispers. My smile drops slightly and I grab her hand. "Do you think that is wise? A member of Azgeda will be there" I say and she hums. "Maybe not but I want you there" she says making me smile and nuzzle my nose against hers. "Then how can I say no? You are Heda?" I say with a smile making her smile wide back. "I like this." She says pointing between us. "Me too" I say and she bites her lip, "Do you... um, would you want it to be more?" She asks hesitantly. I can see the doubt and fear in her eyes making me soften. "You mean sex?" I ask and she looks down slightly shy making me smile more. "Only if you want that. I do, I want to do everything with you" I say and she looks up at me with the emotion I now recognize as love making my heart beat louder. "I want that too" she says relieved and smiling, but I see she wants to ask something else. I just wait and stroke her face gently watching her. "um, how about... I don't want people to know. Not until we get Azgeda figured out. I don't want you to be hurt, not like Costia." She says and I look down, I hurt Costia. I am the monster she is trying to save me from. I think and stiffen a bit, but I think she thinks I am nervous about Azgeda, "I won't let them get you, look at you. You are going to be safe, I am putting a guard on you and I want you with me where I can see you." She says and I sigh looking at her. "I can protect myself Lexa" I say but she puts her hand on my chest stopping me from continuing. "I know. I know you can but I, I love you Alex. I can't go through loosing you again or you getting hurt when I can do something to prevent it." She says and I don't want to argue with her so I nod making her sigh in relief and smile pulling me closer and kissing me with so much emotion. Her hands make there way into my hair and her grips it tugging me closer. My hand wraps around her waist pulling us flush my hands sneaking up her shirt finding soft skin. She moans slightly when I squeeze me skin on her waist letting my tongue slip in her mouth. One of my hands glides down to her butt and I softly squeeze making her moan loudly and me smirk. I trail my hand back under her shirt and up her spine leaving goose bumps in their wake. I pull away biting her lip making her groan. I smirk as her as stay closed and she heaves trying to catcher her breath. Her eyes flutter open and they are dark, almost black making me groan softly. "Don't look at me like that" I whisper resting my forehead against hers and closing my eyes as my hands caress her body. "Why?" She asks breathlessly. I pull back slightly and look at her. "Because when you look at me like that it makes me what to pin you to the bed" I say watching her gasp. My mouth ghosts her ear as I nibble on the shell of it making her moan and arch into me. Her hands grip my shoulders one slipping into my hair. "But, not tonight" I say with a sigh pulling away. Her eyes are closed and she's breathing heavily. Her eyes open and they are less dark telling me she's calming down. "I hate you" she whispers making me bust out laughing. "I'll make it up to you" I say kissing her softly making her smile. "You better. Or you will be in trouble" she says. "Yes, Heda" I tease making her laugh. "We should get some sleep. The meeting is in the morning." She says making me nod. We snuggle up next to each other snuggling under the furs. "Ai hod yu in" she whispers making me smile, "Ai hod yu in" I say back and we both lean in for a kiss. She rests her head in the crook of my neck and I wrap my arms tightly around her body our feet intertwined together. I listen to her breathing even out and I close my eyes smiling softly knowing I finally got her, but then frown not knowing how long.

Azgeda is coming in hot! Lots of drama with the queen coming soon.