I, Love

07 - Knight in shining armor

Jennifer's POV

The next day was a day I was anxious for. I knew breaking up with Alex was the right thing, but the media's always speculating and tearing me apart. I choose not to listen to what they say, or at least not let it get to me. But sometimes it did and it does hurt. Especially when they're saying nasty things about my love life or the dream I was trying to create for ourselves.

I woke up and grabbed my phone.
„Don't", Leah immediately said, snapping the phone out of my hands. „Don't do this to yourself babe."
„You're right.", I said softly, thankful that she saved me for the moment.

„I'll have to leave for work after breakfast. Will you last and not look into any of those shitty articles?", she placed one hand on my cheek and ran her thumb over it.
„I'll try.", I forced a smile.
„Okay. Jen?"
„Mh?"
„I'll be gone for a few days for a job."
„Oh. I'm gonna miss you.", I pouted.
„Will you hold up? Do I need to worry about you?"
„I'll be alright. I'll be working myself."
„Okay babe.", she kissed me. „Don't let them bring you down."
„I won't.", I smiled.

When Leah left I tried not to look at anything. I really tried. But as I was checking my mails and had to google something, I instantly stumbled over a headline. Just the first I was about to read this day.

„Jennifer Lopez and A-Rod Breakup - Did he cheat on her?"

The exact reasons of our breakup weren't even in our statement. This is probably all speculation, but I felt like now the whole world knows he cheated on me. And that sucked.

Luckily there are many many people coming to my house today. To get the fitting right, for hair and make-up, working on music, interviews, talking next projects. Welcomed distraction.

When everybody left later that evening, I got a message from Leah, asking if I was okay and stayed strong. I did. Until that moment. With my phone in my hand and nobody to stop me, I scrolled through social media and they weren't very kind. No surprise, but the last thing you need when you're hurt is people mocking you. I went to my gym room and pushed through a one hour workout. Everything to not make me cry. I showered and went back to the kitchen grabbing some food and sat on the couch to watch TV. Big mistake. Someone was making fun of me, the serialbride that wasn't even a bride this time, the girl who just couldn't get love right. And it hurt.

I let the emotions not only scratch the surface, but just emerge from deep within. I allowed my tears to flow, my body was trembling, I was sobbing very hearable. I held on to a pillow next to me and cried into it. For a good while.
And it started to feel a little better. The tears diminished and slowly stopped coming.
‚I'm gonna get through this. I'm okay, I'm good. I am still worthy of love.', were things I thought to myself.

Suddenly, the bell rang. I released my grip on the pillow and looked up. Who In god's name was that? It was about 10:30pm. I got up and wiped my face as I went to the door.
It was Ben. I opened up and saw him immediately noticing that I had been crying. Anyone who'd see me would be able to tell.

„Oh Jen...", he said and I leaned my head on the doorframe and looked at him.
„Come here", he said and pulled me into his embrace. My knight in shining armor to my rescue. Luckily I've cried my eyes out already so I just sobbed a little as he held me tight.
„I brought you something.", he said.
„Hm?"

We dissolved from our hug and he showed me a package of my favorite chocolate chip cookies. How thoughtful.
„Oh, you remembered?"
„Of course I did. I thought you could use some of these today.", he smiled at me.
„Thank you. Really", I squeezed his arm a little. „Come inside."

„Why are you here?", I asked as we walked into the living room.
„I'm sorry I just came here without asking.. I just thought you could use some company and I actually hoped you'd be alone.."
„Why that?", I wondered.
„Because I thought you know.. the statement, the press.. I just figured a little company would be nice." He sat on the couch and I sat down next to him.
„Not that.. Why did you hope I'd be alone?", I asked in a low voice.
„Oh.. because well.. nobody knows we're seeing each other, right?"
„Right.", I smiled.

Ben's POV

She's so gorgeous sitting there, smiling at me, with her pinkish nose and her puffy eyes.
I wish I could kiss her right now, take her pain away and make everything right, somehow.

Suddenly it hit me, how much I still love her. My stomach turned and my heart began to flutter, nearly beating out of my chest. I knew before I still had feelings for her, but right now I felt like being hit by a train. A Jennifer-train speeding uncontrollably through my veins.

„What?", she asked me sweetly.
„What?", I replied, feeling a little caught.
„What's with that smile?"
I ran my hand through my beard.
„Oh, um...", I couldn't stop smiling.
„Huh?"
„Uhm.."
She giggled. „You don't have to tell me." Jen leaned the side of her head on the rest of the couch and smiled.

I leaned a little forward, closer to her face and touched her cheek softly with my hand.
„Ben...", she whispered.
I came closer and our lips almost touched. She closed her eyes and I did too. My heart was beating violently in my chest, she could probably hear it. I felt her breath on my mouth. Her smell filled up my nose and disseminated through my whole body, starting little fires of  happiness everywhere.

I felt her hand on my chest, she exhaled shakily and pushed me away gently. I looked at her.
„I can't", she whispered and opened her eyes, looking straight into mine.
„I.. I need to be good first. I don't wanna rush things... with you.", she smiled a little saying the last two words and grabbed my shirt with the hand that was on my chest.
That was at least a relief.
„Okay. I get that.", I smiled back at her and let my hand slide down her cheek slowly as she leaned a little into it.

Jen's POV

Telling him I can't required a lot of strength. I wish I could've kissed him.
But it didn't feel right. If we're getting back together, I must feel good about myself first. Worthy.

„Thank you.", I said, released my grip on his shirt and let got of him.

„Maybe I should go then?", he asked.
„You can stay a few minutes more, if you want.", I said and smiled.
„I'd love to."
I got up to get myself some water.
„Do you want anything to drink?", I asked passing him.
„No, I'm good, thanks."
I could feel his eyes stuck like glue to my backside, as I walked into the kitchen.

I smiled, thinking about us getting back together. Maybe this would be finally it.