I, Love

28 - What?!

Jennifer's POV

„What?", he asked as if he didn't hear.
„I slept with Leah.", I repeated.

I'm not sure why I said it and why I said it now. It just came out of me. Maybe because I know I can't go on like that. And I can not lie to him anymore about it.

Ben's grip on my thigh got firmer but he stayed quiet. I endured it for a while but then his grip got so strong, it started to hurt badly.
„Baby, you're hurting me.", I said to him quietly.
He immediately released his grip and pulled his hand away.
„Say something, please.", I begged.

But he ignored me. We got home and he got out of the car and walked to the door. I ran after him.
„Baby. I... I'm sorry.", I said walking behind him.
He was already at the door, slammed it open and slammed it back. It almost hit me, but I held my hands up and pushed it back. I closed it gently.

„Would you say something instead of running around like crazy?", I yelled at him.
He walked upstairs and I still walked behind him. We were in our bedroom now.
„Ben!", I yelled and he finally turned around.
„What?", he yelled back.

„Would you just say something?", I asked.
He looked at me furious.
„When?", he asked.

That was probably the one thing, I didn't want him to say.
I thought about what to say and fiddled my fingers nervously.
„When?", he asked louder.

„Does it matter?", I asked.
„You wanted me to talk. That's what I want to know.", he said, still raising his voice on me.
I took a deep breath.

„At Matt's a few hours ago.", I said quietly.
„Are you kidding me?", he yelled.
I didn't know what to say.
„Are you fucking kidding me?", he yelled even louder and I shrugged.
„Jennifer. Oh god Jennifer.", he said.

„I'm sorry.", I said. „I really am." My eyes got watery.
Ben walked 4 steps towards me, cupped my face hard and looked at me intensely. He stared into my eyes. Tears were slowly rolling out of them.
I failed him again. I can not hold myself back when it's about Leah. I'm gonna loose him. I can't even promise him to never do it again.

Ben kept staring, then his eyes started switching between my eyes and my lips fast.

He smashed his lips on mine and kissed me so hard, that it hurt a little. When he stopped I was out of breath. He picked me up and threw me on our bed, then crawled on top of me and kissed me again roughly. I was surprised but went with it. Then he grabbed one of my boobs so hard, that I flinched and whimpered at his touch. He stopped kissing me and let his head down, then he got up and walked out of the room without saying a single word. He left me there breathless and speechless.

Ben's POV

I quickly went downstairs, grabbed my keys, got into my car and drove off.
How could she? I trusted her.
I had a feeling all along, I saw her looking at Leah and I saw how Leah looked at Jen, and always felt there was something between them. I was hurt. She's the love of my life and I can't even imagine doing life without her. I want to marry her, finally.

I drove through the night with no idea where to go. My phone started buzzing and I saw that Jen had texted.
I threw it on the back seat.
„Fuck!", I yelled and punched my car's wheel.

Jennifer's POV

When I got downstairs, Ben was gone. I looked outside and didn't see his car.
I texted him „I love you. Like crazy. Please don't forget that."
I snuggled up on the couch, just in case he came home so I wouldn't miss it.
There's no way he's going to forgive me. I grabbed a pillow and cried into it.
This is my fault. Stupid feelings. Maybe it's love's fault.