I, Love

19 - Surprise!

Leah's POV

10 days without Jen felt long. We facetimed and texted but I missed my bestie. Not just the sex. I missed her as my very best friend. I'm clingy like that and it's not easy having a friend like Jen, who's always on the run somehow.

The day she came back I texted her:
„When are you going to be back home?"

She answered fast.
„Around 5pm"

„Get home safe, babe." I replied.

Like the good friend I am I gave her some time to freshen up and relax before surprising her.
It was around 7:30pm when I rang her bell.
She opened up, looking really surprised.

„Leah!"
I hugged her.
„I missed you and that eatable face of yours."
She laughed.
„And that eatable pussy too.", I said in a lower voice and smirked at her. Then I grabbed her face and kissed her. She held her hands in the air, not touching me and at that moment I heard a voice saying my name.
„Leah??? What are you..."

I immediately let go of Jennifer, who was still standing there with her hands high like she's about to be arrested. She closed her eyes, pressed her lips together and frowned. I looked behind Jen and saw Ben standing there.

I'm not good at handling situations and I started to get sweaty.
„Oh Ben, hi, I uhm...", I really had no idea what to say.

Jen let her hands sink and looked over her shoulders to Ben, then looked back at me worried.

„I better leave.", I said, turned around and left,
leaving Jennifer to it.

Jennifer's POV

I looked at the closed door and I wasn't able to move or to do anything.
„Jennifer!", Ben said loudly, making me shrug.
I felt like I was glued to the ground. I was panicking. No one could tell from the outside, but inside I was a mess. And I kept staring at that fucking door like an idiot. The only thing that was noticeable from outside was my heavier breathing. What did he hear? How much did he see? What was he thinking? What did it look like? Did it look that bad?

Ben appeared in front of my face.
„Jen?"
He put his hands on my shoulders.
„Jen?"
He shook me softly.

I managed to look away from the door and into Ben's eyes.
„My god, baby, what is going on?", he asked worried as he looked into my eyes.
They must be filled with fear.
„Breathe. Slowly in, even slower out. Like you're blowing a candle but you don't want the flame to go out."

I did as he said, with my eyebrows still drawn together, building creases between them, and slowly I started to feel better.
„Good baby, you're doing really good.", Ben kept going, caressing my arms. „Breathe."

I started feeling myself again and moved my fingers.
„Good baby. Can you walk?"
I nodded.
He gently put one arm around me and escorted me to the sofa, where he made me sit.

He sat next to me and turned to me. I did the same. After a while I was feeling almost normal again. Ben was just sitting there with me, holding my hands.

„Can we talk?", he asked.
„Yes", I whispered shakily.
„Okay, so... Baby.. what was that? Why did Leah kiss you the way she did? And what was that about your... pussy?"
I let my head sink.. I don't know how to possibly explain what was going on between Leah and me. I was afraid he'd hate me, leave me, will be disappointed. I'm not a good liar and anything else but the truth would sound weird anyway. Plus I thought he deserved the truth.

I inhaled deeply and my eyes started to get watery.
„I'm so sorry.", I whispered, looking at him.
„Why?", Ben seemed worried.
„Leah and I.. we...", God how the hell do I find the words to say what I need to?
„We had sex." There it was, as fast as pulling a band aid from ones skin.

Ben's jaw dropped and he stared at me.
„It started before you even emailed me and then I tried to stop as we were getting serious but... I don't know I...", tears were streaming down my face and I whispered: „I couldn't." I shook my head.

Ben got up and started walking around.
„You're telling me...", his voice trembled: „You're telling me.... that the whole time we've been together... you fucked Leah on the side?"

I got up to walk to his side. He held his hand up.
„Don't!"

So I stood in front of the couch.
„Baby I.. I know how wrong that is and I..."
„Why? God Jennifer.. WHY?", he yelled the last word and I shrugged.
I didn't know what to say again. Because she's different? Because it felt so damn good? Those words will just hurt him.
Suddenly I knew what to say, and it came very clear to me.
„I just came out of my relationship with Alex and I felt so unloved. Unwanted even. And then Leah and I... it just happened. And then I had the love from both of you and it felt so good to be loved so much."
„Wait... love? Do you speak of loving Leah??", he asked.

„I...", I stuttered. Do I love her? „I always loved her as my friend, baby." I said and walked towards him. I touched his shoulders, but he flinched and suddenly hit the wall with his fist, which made me shrug. I didn't know him like that, and it scared me a little. He turned to me again and got really close to my face with his.

„Do you have any idea, how much that hurts?", he asked and his eyes were glaring at me.
„I do.", I whispered and my chin started trembling. Because I really knew.
„Then why did you do it?", he yelled straight into my face, making me flinch and blink.
„I wasn't thinking.", I whispered again. All I could do was whisper. „I love you. Please don't leave me.", I begged.

He looked at me. Then he turned around in an attempt to walk away. But I couldn't let him. It already felt like my heart was close to shattering and I was crying and sobbing. I grabbed his arm to stop him and make him turn towards me again. I grabbed his other arm and fell on my knees, my head hung between my shoulders.

„Please.", I begged and whined. „Please Ben, please don't leave me, please. I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. Please.. please..."
The thought of loosing him hurt me. Not only emotionally, but physically. My body hurt. It ached badly as I was kneeling in front of him, holding his wrists with my hands, practically hanging there.

I sobbed loudly in pain at his feet for what seemed an eternity.
„I can't be without you, I can't. I love you.", I kept whispering.

Then I felt his hands on my wrists, pulling me up.
„Get up.", he said. I let him pull me up and got back on my feet.