I, Love

39 - Should've Never

Jennifer's POV

I layed between bubbles and rose pedals and I had a certain song on my mind. A song I've written decades ago, but now comes truer than I ever thought it would.

I put my head back, closed my eyes, put the song on and listened to myself singing.

I've been so caught up in the thought of me and you
Even though I love someone else, I know my heart belongs to you
Tell me how did we
Ever let the situation get this far
Maybe we should just
Try to hide the things we feel inside
Things I know we can't deny

Should've never told you that I cared about you
Didn't think that it would be so bad
Should've never kissed you
Should've never held your hand
Gotta find a way to let these feelings go

Tears were streaming down my face and my heart felt like being pressed, while a knot built up inside my stomach.
It hurt so bad.

Oh, my God, I love you both so much
but to have to choose between the two,
Is hurting me so deep inside

Should've never told you that I cared about you
Didn't think that it would be so bad
Should've never kissed you
Should've never held your hand

I don't ever want to feel this way again

I sobbed very hearable. It was like bathing in self-pity. After a long while I managed to get out. Lupe was already waiting for me in my bedroom. She was wearing her pyjama and sat on the bed.

„Tortured yourself in there, huh?", she asked.
„I did.", I answered and walked to my side of the bed.
„Good."
I gave her a look.

Lupe layed down and held the sheets up, so that I could snuggle my back against her.
She put her arms around me and squeezed me tight.
„You already know. And I'm sure you're doing the right thing for you. I'm here for you.", she said.
„Thank you, mom.", I whispered.

She was right again. I already knew.

She started humming „Sweet Caroline" and it made me feel at ease.

The following day was hard. I got up and answered Leah's messages, that she had left me and I asked her if I could come over and stay for the night.

She was happy to hear that. She had no idea and my heart already shattered knowing what I had to do.

It was Ben, it has always has been him. He's the one. It sounds so simple, but it was anything else but that.

My leg was shaking on the way to her and I felt wobbly walking to her door.
She opened up with a big smile, that immediately broke when she saw my face.

„Jen.. what's wrong?", she asked.
I sobbed and walked inside.

We sat down on the couch and I held her hands.
I leaned in to kiss her softly.
„Leah.. baby.. we..", I took a deep, shaky breath.
„Don't.", she interrupted me. „Please don't."

I looked up to the ceiling as if I was expecting help from god or anything and pressed her hands stronger. I looked at her again to see that she had tears in her eyes.
„I have to.", I whispered and my voice cracked.

Leah looked down at our hands, held them up to her lips and kissed them. I closed my eyes and sobbed again. She did too.

„I can offer you tonight. One last night.", I suggested quietly, as tears rolled down my face. I couldn't leave without knowing that this would be our last time, but I don't know how she'd take it.

„One last night...", she repeated whispering.
She pulled me into her arms and hugged me tight as we both cried.
When I looked at her, she said: „If that's all we have left, we should use it.", and tucked strands of hair behind my ear, while forcing a smile.

„Let's take our time.", I said and kissed her gently.
She agreed and suggested to sit on her balcony to watch the sunset.
„That sounds nice.", I smiled softly. She got up, went to her kitchen, and came back with two glasses of red wine.
„I know you don't drink but.. today it seems appropriate."
„It does.", I said, taking the glass out of her hands.

We sat on a lounger on her balcony and she spread her legs so I could sit between them and lean my back against her chest.
I put a blanket over us.

„Fun got into something really serious.", she said and took a sip.
I enjoyed resting on her chest, feeling her breathing and her heart beat.
„It did.", I agreed.

This moment was incredibly peaceful, despite all the pain it held.

The sun bathed our faces in golden light, turning to a dark orange, then a pretty pinkish red. We finished our glasses, sat in silence and enjoyed our closeness. Her scent was compelling, so I turned around and buried my head into her neck, basically bathing in it. Then I raised my head and started kissing her.

At first very soft. Then more heated as we were both hungry for each other. I broke the kiss and placed kisses along her jawline, then her neck and then took them to her collarbone.
Her shirt came off quickly and I unclipped her bra, exposing her beautiful boobs. I cupped them and placed kisses all over them. One last time. I'm gonna miss her boobs.

Leah had her hands on my head while she groaned and I took my kisses further down her body. I pushed her pants down and spread her legs apart. That beautiful pussy of hers. I brushed my hands slowly up her legs, then her inner thighs, enjoying every second of it.

I lowered my head and kissed her inner thighs, until I reached between her legs where I just kissed her everywhere. From her clit to her folds, to her orifice - that left juices on my lips - I kissed her a million times.

Then I finally did what I know she needed and made her moan and say my name, which drove me wild.

She came all over my mouth and my fingers, and I licked every single drop of her juices off, as if it was my last meal before I was sent to death.

I sat up and placed my hands on her knees while I watched her breathe heavily.

„Your neighbors probably heard you.", I smiled at her.
She chuckled. „I don't give a shit."

She opened her arms: „Come here."
I crawled on top of her and we kissed again.

She lifted my crop top and helped me out of my sweatpants and my panties, then she made me sit on her lap. Spreading my legs so close to her pussy was thrilling.

„You never got to sit on my face, didn't you?", she asked while her hand moved from my ass, over my back and up to my shoulders, where she took them to the front and started squeezing my boobs.

I bit my lip and shook my head no.
She smiled, crawled further down and squeezed my inner thighs. Then she moved her hands to my ass, pulling me down a little so she could reach my pussy.

I moaned at the first touch of her tongue and since I had nothing to hold on, I squeezed my own thighs hard, to steady myself up.

When she also started using her fingers to push deep inside of me, I whimpered her name
and moaned hearable. I came all over her and she helped me ride my orgasm out.
Just like me, she took her time to admire the view and lick everything neatly.

„Oh god baby...", I panted out.
She crawled back up and I chuckled when I saw her pretty smile. I leaned down to kiss her and then we cuddled up under the blanked and watched the night sky.