I, Love

55 - Us

Ben's POV

The last week has been an absolute dream. It was just her and me, and we were in Paris just doing nothing. Well not nothing but we took our time, didn't work, just walked the streets, went shopping, ate good food and just enjoyed ourselves.

We were sitting on a bench, watching people in the park. Her head rested on my shoulders and our fingers were intertwined and resting on her thigh.

There were elderly people talking, young familys playing, teenagers hanging.

Very close to us was a couple with a boy, about 4 years old. They were playing ball and it happened to roll in our direction. Jennifer picked it up as the boy ran after it. She handed him the ball and he smiled sweetly at her. „Merci.", he said quietly.
„Je t'en prie.", Jennifer replied and the boy smiled shyly and ran off with his ball.

„Since when do you speak french?", I asked.
She laughed. „That and ‚merci' is all I can say, trust me. I'm not even sure I said it right."

„Can you say it to me later again?", I asked her and she giggled and nudged me a little.

She kept on watching the family and I noticed a different look on her face.
„He's cute, isn't he?", I asked her.
„Mhmh.", she replied with a light smile on her face.
I put my arm around her and kissed her on top of her head. When she let out a sigh I had to ask.

„Baby, do you want.. that?", I asked her.
She looked at me, then back at the family.
„I'm thinking about what could have been.", she replied.

„We could try again.", I said.
She looked at me again.
„Baby.. I.. I can't. I can't go through that again.", she spoke quietly and her voice cracked.
„I understand.", I said and squeezed her tighter to my side. „There are other ways, you know.."

„Like?"

„Like... adoption?", I suggested.
„Adoption...", she quietly repeated.

„Yeah.."
„Would you want to?", she asked and looked at me.
I gave my answer some time. It had been on my mind, but I didn't wanted to put pressure on her.
„Yeah, I mean... if you'd want to.", I said.

She looked back at the family and put her head back on my shoulder.

„I never thought about it.", she said. „But I will."
She looked up again, kissed me and placed her head back to where it was again.

Jennifer's POV

I never really gave adoption a serious thought. So many questions popped up in my head, like: Can we even adopt at our age? Would we want a baby? An older child? Where do we go to? What would it be like? What if the kid hates us?
Can we love it like our own? Would it accept us as parents? Do I really want to put myself through so much stress?

Thinking about it made me feel anxious already.

Our days in Paris went by way too fast and we had to leave again. We didn't speak about the whole adoption subject. I said I'll be thinking about it and Ben respected that.

Back home I had a date set to spend some time with Leah. Ben was absolutely fine with it, since she had been such a big help when we were at our lowest.

I invited her over for lunch.
„Leah!", I smiled brightly when I opened the door.
„Hi gorgeous!", she said and we hugged.

It felt so good and normal again. Just as best friends. At least for me and I hoped it was the case for her too. She attended our wedding and it almost was like what we had never happened.

In fact it did and I still smile, thinking about it. Not because I miss or want it back, but because it was crazy and fun. And in the end everything turned out well.

„Tell me about Paris!", she said as we walked inside.

We sat down to eat and I told her everything, even our conversation about adopting.

„Wow! Are you thinking about it?", she asked with big eyes.
„I actually am.", I replied and bit my bottom lip.
„Ah, that's so exciting!"
„Hold up, I only said I'm thinking about it."

„Okay okay.", she smiled.

„Speaking of thinking...I thought about...us and I wondered if.. It seems like it but I just need to know. Are you still.. hurt or.."

Leah put her hand on top of mine.
„You wanna know if I still love you that way?", she asked.

I nodded softly, anxious for her answer.

„I still love you more than any other friend I have.", Leah replied. „But not in that way."

I grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

„Okay.", I said and smiled.
„Okay.", she replied and we let go of each other's hands.

„I do too.", I said. „You know, love you more than any other friend."

„Good to know.", she replied and smiled softly.

It felt so good to have us back like that. My best friend. The best of them all.

After she left I needed to read through a script in my office and as I was halfway through, Benny knocked and came inside.

„You gonna wanna see this.", he said with a troubled look on his face. He walked out into the living room and I followed him. The TV was on and what I saw shocked me deeply.