I, Love

51 - On The Mend

Ben's POV

I nodded off with her, but woke up a few minutes before she did.

„Hey", I kissed her nose when she woke up.
She groaned.
„Thank you. For letting Leah come.", she said quietly.

I smiled softly. „She's welcome anytime."
„How do you feel?", I asked her.

„Like my heart's been ripped out of my chest.", she whispered with a broken voice.

I held her tight in my arms and let her cry. I didn't try to make it better, just like Leah told me.
It was hard to just be there, but that's what I did.

„I love you. Always.", I said to her and kissed her head. The crying got better and after a while she stopped.

„I'm really hungry.", she said to me.
„What do you want?", I asked her.
„Pizza.", she whispered.
I smiled and kissed her on her cheek.
„On my way.", I said and went downstairs to order something in.

Jennifer's POV

For the first time I took my phone and looked at it.

I had like a million missed calls and tons of e-mails.
Just as I wanted to look into them, Benny called and I picked up.

„Jennifer! What's going on?", he asked.
I couldn't tell what happened, so I lied.
„I'm really sick and just.. not good at all."
„I can hear that. Do you think you'll be better for that interview with people magazine in two days?", he asked.

I sighed. I knew just how important that was and that I basically couldn't miss it.
„Yeah.", I whispered. „I'll be fine by then, I'm already better."
„Okay. Then take your time and really get well, alright?", he said.
„I will.", I said, fighting with my emotions.

I hung up and burst into tears.

Ben came back and hugged me.
„Benny called.", I sobbed.
„Did you tell him?", Ben asked me.
I sniffled.
„I couldn't. But I need to be my best self in two days, I have an interview."

„I don't think this is a good idea, baby.", Ben said and looked at me.
I sighed. „I'll pull myself together. I need to. I don't want people to ask questions if I don't keep appointments anymore."
„I get that. Still. I'm worried."
Ben caressed my back.

I felt a little better the following two days but I was worried as well.
My glam team showed up to get me ready and so far I felt okay about everything. It was nice to wear nice clothes and make-up and it made me feel better.

Ben and I hugged before we got started.
„You can do it.", he whispered into my ear.
„I'm here all the time." He kissed me.

The interviewer introduced himself as Marcus and we sat down in front of the cameras that were set up in our living room. Ben and Benny were sitting close to watch.

„Hi, good to see you. How are you?", Marcus asked.
„Nice to see you too. I'm on the mend, I was sick, but I'm already better."

„So, you recently finished filming a movie, how was that like?"
„The movie, or wrapping?", I asked back.

„Sorry, how does it feel wrapping a movie?"
„Well, it feels always great but it's always kinda sad too. You get to know and love each other and the people there become like family for a few months so leaving is always sad, too."

„Speaking of love. Congrats on your engagement!"
„Thank you.", I smiled.

„Is there a date set?"
„No. We just got engaged and there was so much going on. But now I guess we'll have some time to talk about it."

„I think it's great that you're back together. Back in 2002 you talked about having kids, is that still something you'd like to do?"

I shifted nervously on my chair. So far I did so good but that question felt like a sword being pierced through my heart.

I opened my mouth, still not knowing what to say, when Ben got up and walked over to me.

„I need to borrow her for a moment, it's important, sorry.", he smiled at Marcus and held his hand out to me.

I took it and we walked into another room.
„Breathe. I'm here.", he said while hugging me tight. I tried not to cry to not mess up my make-up.

„You're doing so good. If you don't want to talk anymore, just say it and I'll think of something to get you outta here."

„You're perfect, you know that?", I said with tears in my eyes. „I'm gonna finish."

We kissed, I took a deep breath and we went back out.

„Sorry again bro, I needed her advice on something really important.", Ben apologized again.

„No problem.", Mike responded. „So I was asking if you're still thinking about having kids?"

„You know what Marcus, Ben and I really love each other and there are certain things, we like to keep private.", I smiled.

I wish I could've told him that this is a question you don't ever ask someone. But I didn't feel strong enough to do so. Plus I didn't wanted to raise attention to the topic.

The following questions were more work related and I was fine with it.

After 45 minutes we were done and they left the house. I got back into my dressing room with Ben.

I felt like all the emotions I had held back, were making their way to the surface and would soon enough burst out. My dress felt too tight.

„Out.", I gasped. „Everybody out."

They left in a hurry and I held on to Ben's shoulders and let my head sink between my arms.

„Get me out of that dress.", I said to him so he walked around me to open all the buttons. Step by step I could breathe better and I inhaled deeply when Ben pushed the dress down. I was only wearing my panties and heels now.

„Oh god..", I said while gasping. Ben walked around me again and I fell into his arms.
I sobbed. „That was awful."

He gently caressed my head. „You have no idea how strong you are, baby. You amazed me today."

I sobbed again. „Let it out.", Ben said and I knew I could let go and just cry.

When the tears dried up he got on his knees and helped me out of my heels. He looked up to me and I smiled. This time it wasn't fake like I did at the interview. I actually really smiled at him.
He kissed me on my stomach and I closed my eyes and sobbed. It's hard to describe the feeling. Hurtful but somehow healing,
maybe.

Then he got back on his feet again and looked into my eyes deeply. We are in this together and he would not leave my side. I knew that.

Ben looked around as if he was searching for something. Then he took his shirt off and I wondered what he was doing. He pulled it over my head and his warmth on it felt like a comforting hug when it fell down to my thighs. It smelled like him.

„You know that my bathrobe is right behind you?", I said.
He chuckled. „Now I do."
„You're a dream.", I whispered and kissed his lips.

And through all the pain I felt something nice emerging again. Little butterflies, flying through a wall built of sadness, anger and shame, making little holes in it with their wings.