Ishq ka Raang Safed Piya

10.Kinkartavya Vimoodh

You are on this side, dear honey, don't know what will happen on the other side!

This moon rising in the sky removes some of the heat of life,
these branches make you forget some sorrow of the mind,
tomorrow's wilting buds smile and say, be happy,
the nightingale tells the message of youth from the bud of the tree,
you give cups of wine You amuse my mind,
don't know what will be the remedy to amuse me on the other side!
You are on this side, dear honey, don't know what will happen on the other side!

-Harivansh Rai Bachchan

Shenaaz touched over every word of the poem translated in English from the hindi poem just on the other page, from the same book which Sidharth had bought and given her through Pooja,from her cold hands .The words felt relatable and hit her hard as her forehead creased visible lines and eyes narrowed into deep thinking ...In so deep thinking that even the folk songs 'Geet' playing loudest over the harmonium ,Dholak,thaal,loud claps,for her wedding sung by the women of her family and neighbours also didn't buzzed over her ears as she drowned herself looking at the moon in the sky sitting on the threshold of terrace .

Each word of the poem were made for her,she too wanted to move ahead and be happy in the moment celebrating and preparing for her marriage with Sidharth,an ideal and perfect alliance as per many as she heard it from plenty of people around her from few days..."Aapki beti raaj karegi us ghar me...uska rang bhale hi khara sone jaisa na ho ,saanwla ho,par kismat heere jaisi safed chamakdaar layi hai wo, Shehnaaz to aisa ghar aur var(groom) mila,4 pushton me aisi kismat kisi ki nahi hogi...ghar nahi mehal hai..mehal!..
chalte phirte pair dukh jayenge utne bade ghar aanagan me..itne khet khalihan,baag bagiche...itna sukh suvidha hai wahan.....sab ghar ki anaaj upaj...bazar ja kar kuch kharidne ki jarurat hi nahi hai...bhara poora khandan,itne naukar chakar mali ,khansama...sab hai...".She had heard her uncle all impressed over the physical comfort saying this after he had visited the Rajput's House with other male members of her family to Bhagalpur,after the Tilak function 2 days ago.....

...and then her aunt saying with a dejected face..."aur yahan hume sare kaam khud karne padte hai...Shehnaaz chali jayegi to khana bhi humko hi banana padega!....hume kyon nahi mile aise rishte?...".Such materialistic comments from her aunt ....It meant the alliance was really worthy !!...atleast she felt so and it made her more thoughtful!...was she really lucky and if so then why only her..she never wanted to be this lucky in this sense ever..right!?

And then she heard her father saying this too with his twinkling eyes and happy face......"tumko us ghar ka vaibhav aur shaan dikhta hai par humko uske saath sanskar,izzat aur ek raati ka bhi ghamand naa hona aur hamare aur is rishte ke liye aapar khusi dikhti hai...hum nischint hai ki hamari beti Sanu wahan bahut raazi khusi rahegi ..aur uska bhawishya(future) bahut hi ujjwal(bright) hai...".Her father breathed in relaxation.

Doesn't she feel happy,relaxed and proud too on her destiny...doesn't she actually feel lucky that amidst the dark black clouds, she found a rainbow in the sky...eliminating all the miseries and uncertainties of her family and her life...Sidharth just came out of the blue and out of question to all her default answers!..but this was not the case...she was not at all happy rather sad,scared,confused....may be numb at times over hearing all this ......
but she was not sure about those questions and their answers just like the answers in her exams which she was not sure what to write in her answer paper in her exam completed over few days ago in which she had not performed well according to her....and the reason was this marriage and the chaos and complexities it involved .. and the worst part was she was not able to show or share this sadness to anyone except.....?

Shehnaaz POV

" kya hum bahut khudgarz hai? ...sab khush hai....tumhari khushi soch kar...par jaisa mi Pooja kehti hai...tum to swarthi(selfish) ho na jisko bas apna dukh aur udasi dikhayi deti hai...sahi kehti hai wo..humko sirf dukhi maayus udas rehna aata hai jabardashti ka...jo khush hona nahi janti ya fir ye khushi mehsus karna hi nahi chahti.....