𝙨𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣'𝙨 𝙨𝙪𝙣

𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕

Calvin
• • •

Saturn wore a white bow in her hair today. It looked starkly bright against her dark locks. I thought it made her look like a gift.

Most girls at Kenton didn't wear things like bows. Saturn wasn't like most girls at Kenton. Not in an obnoxious try-hard way, but in a unique way. She was special, and I was going to make her mine.
I watched her as she cleaned the windows, standing on her tiptoes. She was very small, and stood miserably far from reaching the highest part of the glass. 

I crossed the room. "Let me help," I offered. She looked startled to see me. Guilt swarmed in my stomach. She was afraid of me, and rightfully so.

I took the cleaning supplies from her and resumed her job. She stood against the door, watching obediently. My guilt faded. Even if she was afraid of me, at least she respected me.

When I finished with the windows, I went to put the cleaning supplies away. Saturn didn't move, because I hadn't told her to move. I grinned internally.

"Come here, please," I requested, not wanting the door to hit her if someone opened it.

Saturn came over to the desk. She fidgeted with the hem of her sweater. "Are you going to fire me?" she asked, her voice small.
I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Of course not," I replied. Saturn wouldn't meet my gaze. Perhaps being so coarse with her had been a mistake.

"I need to apologize for raising my voice," I said, "that was wrong of me. I didn't mean to make you feel unwanted here."

Saturn didn't reply. I could tell she thought she was close to being let go of at the shop.

"If you still want me working here, then why didn't you share the schedule with me?" Saturn asked, looking saddened.

The previous evening, I'd sent out the schedule to Zaire. How had she discovered that I hadn't shared it with her as well?

"That was my mistake," I said softly, "I'll give you it now." The truth was, last night when I pulled Saturn's number from my bag, I hesitated. After staring blankly at the paper for several moments, I decided against messaging her. Saturn would show up to the shop regardless of if she had a shift. I could tell it had become a part of her daily routine, and I quite enjoyed it.

"Thanks," Saturn murmured, reading the schedule. She was still tense as I sent her off to return to her duties. Hopefully, her fear of me would fade with time.

At eight o'clock, it was time to close the shop. I decided it would be best that I gave Saturn her own key. She would need it next week when I was away. I taught her the closing duties, and we locked the shop for the night on our way out. I rode the bus home with her that evening and decided to get off at her stop rather than my own. For some reason, I felt uncomfortable at the idea of her walking alone in the dark. And besides, my dormitory was only a block from the first years'.

"Goodnight, Saturn," I said, at the entrance of her building.

"Night," she mumbled, disappearing inside. I didn't understand. How could she be afraid of someone who was trying to protect her?

In the darkness of my room, I continued working on the monthly spreadsheet. I needed to make sure Saturn hadn't made any unwanted edits. I'd been too busy observing her to get around to it at the shop.

Just then, my phone illuminated on the bed next to me. The message was from a phone number I recognized immediately.

How come it's only Zaire and I working next week?

I sighed. I was hoping Saturn wouldn't continue to question my absence, but it appeared that she was more curious than I'd prepared for. I began to type out a weak reply, but stopped after a few moments. It wasn't worth making up another lame excuse as to why I wouldn't be at Kenton next week.

I put my phone away and pulled out my handbook. Neither Tom nor Darius were home tonight, they must have been out partying. I seized the chance to continue reading, without having to answer my roommates' questions.

Panic crept into my mind as I read the handbook from where I'd left off. Was I ready for this? The answer was no, I was not ready. I would never be ready, because this wasn't my choice. I didn't want to abandon my studies, or the shop. I wasn't confident that Saturn and Zaire were ready for the responsibility. I didn't have my bags packed, or my mindset locked.

If I knew one thing for sure, it was that I would need to be strong if I had any chance of surviving the next four years.