𝙨𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣'𝙨 𝙨𝙪𝙣

𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒚

Saturn
• • •

When I awoke, Calvin was not next to me, but there was evidence of his presence all around me. My curtains were drawn to allow the morning sunlight to pour into the room. My sliced middle finger was heavily wrapped in bandages. A text from him greeted me on the lock screen of my phone.

Saturn, I had to leave for the shop early this morning, there was a delivery I needed to be there to sign off on. Please join me there when you're ready. I hope you're feeling better today, and that you slept well in my arms. I love you darling.

I had slept well in his arms. I always did. But I was not feeling better. The very moment my eyes opened a flood of memories weighed me down onto the bed. Whatever was left of my brother and I's bond had been obliterated last night, and it was all my fault.

When I finally managed to pull myself from the bed, I hurriedly got ready and caught the ten o'clock bus into the village. I wondered why Calvin needed me at the shop, I wasn't scheduled to work until three. Still, I wanted nothing more than to be with him. Waking up with grim thoughts as my only company hadn't been nice.

I found Calvin in the back room ripping open a cardboard box. When he heard me enter, he seemed to relax slightly. He set down the Exacto knife he had been using on the boxes before he approached me. I hoped he wasn't upset with me for my drunken behaviour the night before.

"Hi, love," Calvin said softly, coming over to hold me, "how are you today?"

I shrugged. "I'm okay, considering what happened."

Calvin frowned. The memory of last night seemed to flash before his eyes. "I'm sorry about your brother," he said, "let's focus on each other for today. I don't want you speaking to him, it's too soon."

"I wasn't going to," I said truthfully. I honestly never wanted to speak to Jupiter again.

"Can I talk to you about something?" Calvin asked, bringing me out into the main shop room.

"Sure," I replied, feeling apprehensive. Was what Calvin had to talk to me about going to make today even worse? Based on his reluctant tone, I assumed it would.

Calvin sat me down on one of the couches in the reading nook, holding both of my hands in his lap. He took a long breath before he began. "As you know, we received a new shipment of books today. I'd like for you and the others to busy yourselves with that during next week. I, unfortunately, have to go away again for a little while. I leave in two days."

"What?" I whispered, feeling my world come crashing down on me. I may have lost my brother last night, but now I was going to lose Calvin too?

"I know this must be quite frustrating for you, darling," Calvin continued, reading my mind, "but like always, I won't be gone for long. I promise I will come back to you."

I couldn't help but finally grasp how unfair Calvin was being with me. What kind of a secret was so tragic that he couldn't tell the person he loved most? I knew that it involved his father, he'd told me that much. Was his father forcing him to come for visits with him for weeks at a time? I couldn't fathom it. The way Calvin spoke about his trips made it seem like he was in danger. And after he had returned to me with a bruised eye the last time, I believed that he was. Whatever he was doing needed to be put to a stop.

"Say something, Saturn," Calvin murmured, after many moments of pause.

"I have nothing to say," I shook my head, pulling my hands from his grasp. I watched his expression fall into a frown.

"Can you promise me that you won't let my absence ruin your week?" Calvin asked, "can I ask you to remain positive, and to be the light for others how you always are?"

I continued to shake my head, looking down at my hands. I noticed my wrist, where the stunning Sun bracelet hung. How could I be the light, with my Sun so far from home? "I can't pretend like I'm okay with this anymore, Calvin," I said softly, feeling a tear run down my cheek. I was so tired of crying.

"Does this mean the end of our relationship, then?" Calvin asked, jumping to conclusions.

"Of course not," I said, "but I need you to be more clear with me. It isn't fair for you to keep leaving me like this with no explanation. I thought you trusted me. I thought you loved me."

Calvin couldn't help but reassure me with a soft kiss on the cheek. I'd read up on love languages recently, and it was clear that Calvin's was physical touch. I allowed myself to lean on his shoulder. It was now that I needed him more than ever, and he had to leave me. It stung how much it reminded me of Jupiter.

"Can I ask you something?" Calvin asked softly. I nodded. "Why do you stay with me, even with these feelings of resentment and mistrust? Why do you tolerate me, Saturn?"

This was something I had heard him ask before, and I was tired of answering it. "I don't tolerate you," I said, "I love you. I rely on you. You are everything to me. Nothing could ever come between that. If you left me and never returned, I would still consider you the love of my life. And I would never lose hope for us."

Calvin nodded, soaking up my every word. "I'm so glad you feel that way," he murmured, looking satisfied. I was still far from satisfied.

"Can you at least tell me when you'll come home this time?" I requested, thinking it wouldn't be an issue.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, love," Calvin replied, "I need you to trust that it will be very soon. Perhaps I will let you know in my letters when I have a better idea of the date of my return."

I nodded. I could live with that. As long as he actually wrote to me this time.

Calvin stood from the couch and crossed the room without warning. He went to his desk, where he withdrew a gift. When I saw it, my heart simultaneously swelled and fell to the floor. He handed me the gift, and with it, he placed a kiss on my forehead.

A white rose, a promise.