𝙨𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣'𝙨 𝙨𝙪𝙣

𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒚 𝒕𝒘𝒐

Calvin
• • •

Dear Saturn,
Today it rained, and I thought of you. Instead of running through it like many others, I walked. A wise girl once told me that you stay more dry while walking through rain than while running. That wise girl was you, of course.

These past few days have been some of my worst. I know it might make you worry to hear such a thing, and I apologize for that. But Saturn, you make me feel like it is safe to be vulnerable. So, in turn, I thought I would share some of my struggles with you. Unfortunately, there is no one here I can vent to. I have no one, and it only makes me miss you more.

First, I am so, so exhausted. Sleep is my only respite while I am here, and it has become my greatest pleasure. Why, you may wonder? Because it is in my dreams that I see you, my love. I wish I could sleep away the next week, but I cannot. I may be revealing too much when I say this, but we are not allowed much sleep here. The same goes for food. I am only given enough to survive.

Second, my body is in agony. Not only does it cause me physical pain to be away from you, but the work we complete here is gruelling. It takes a toll on me, and I apologize if that reflects in my behaviour when I return to you. I am trying my hardest for you always, darling. Please bear that in mind.

Third, I cried for the first time in two years today. Not because of my exhaustion, hunger, or pain, but because of the rain. It may sound strange, but allow me to explain. Remember when I mentioned how the rain made me think of you, my love? That is why I became so emotional. Once I made it indoors soaking wet, I went to the nearest washroom and locked myself in a stall for nearly an hour. I cried. I reflected. I longed for you.

Now, it may seem quite selfish of me to be pouring all of this onto you while I am so far from home. When I have left you with little explanation, and with a bookshop to keep while I am away. But please, Saturn, have mercy on me. When I am here, I can't help but become a warped, selfish version of myself. If anyone can understand, I know it is you. But please, don't worry about me the way I am constantly worrying about you. I am struggling, but the bottom line is that I am safe. I am coming home to you very soon, I promise.

Smell your rose, Saturn, and know I am dreaming of you.

Yours always,

-Calvin.