Love At First Lie | Herophine Fic

Secret Conversations

JOSEPHINE

Similarly to the last few days, no weeks, now, my day has consisted of doing absolutely nothing. Apart from applying for jobs, that is. I've applied the shit out of indeed.com but my inbox hasn't been the recipient of anything in return for my application. Honestly, I've lost fucking count of the number of times I've clicked apply and filled out the ridiculously long application forms.

When I was applying in the past, ready to leave university, this was so bloody easy. Now, they want your life history on the application form. Probably just to make a better judgement about who they want to meet in person during the interview stages. It's just frustrating I've spent all this time and not heard anything. Not even from one. I don't care whether it's positive or negative I just want to hear from someone. Anyone.

And me not hearing from anyone also includes the form I filled out while I went for a walk last week for the TV show. And as I said, that was last week that I applied for that, when my job application spur started too and still, nothing. I definitely would have expected to have heard something about that now. I think that's the one where silence has surprised me the most.

Although, in hindsight, it's probably a sham. Just a fake pop-up created to collect people's data to sell and share as the collector sees fit. Perhaps my marketing head failed me on that one, it just looked so real. But given my luck recently, it would be just my luck to have fake-applied for something like that and be conned into parting with my information. Now my name, number, email address and a few other things have been shared with a complete stranger... And all for their benefit because it's likely fake.

But at least I do have something to look forward to tonight. Like me and Mia always used to do, we're heading to Leicester Square for both food and cocktails tonight together. I can't remember the last time we did this. I have a feeling it was before my redundancy was served.

I'm hoping - no praying - that it helps to put a smile back on my face. It's been a struggle and I can feel myself slowly going more and more sour with every day that passes. People say that redundancies can be a blessing in disguise but I'm really struggling to see that side of things. If anything - in my case - it's been a nightmare. The complete opposite of a blessing. And I don't like the person it's making me but I can't stop it. I can feel myself slipping because I want to work. People really do take things for granted without even realising it. I certainly did.

But tonight is what I've focused on since I woke up this morning. I just want to smile and feel like my old self again. Like normal. Like I've not had my livelihood taken away from me and seemingly can't find a job to replace what I had.

I'm closing in on eight weeks since I was served with my unexpected redundancy. And to say it's been difficult is an understatement. Shortly after our chat last week, Kath must've spoken to mum and dad because there was a text there waiting for me from mum when I woke up saying the following:

We don't want you struggling, darling. Check your bank x

Needless to say when I checked my bank balance was looking much healthier than it has done these last few weeks. Slightly more than what my wage would be. It was a big help, we had bills for the flat due shortly after and I called to say thank you. Mum just kept saying it's what they're there for and while a part of me knows that's true and I can rely on my parents at twenty-five, I shouldn't have to. I shouldn't have to rely on secret conversations in another continent and time zone to bail me out of my problems.

I need something and I need it sooner rather than later. At this rate, I'll do anything.

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