Love At First Lie | Herophine Fic

Dramatic Effect

HERO

It's been a week since I got home. And a long fucking week at that. Nothing has changed in my routine, aside from not going back to work yet. I'm still miserable. I'm still trying to fathom out why the producers knowingly separated Jo and I after we were eliminated when they knew how we were together. Even now, still, my mind draws a complete blank whenever I try and pick my brains for an answer.

I don't think I've cracked a smile since last week. Since I was last with Jo. Even after being eliminated she was the light and the something I needed and wanted in my life. But since then, I feel like everything is just dark and dreary. Like all the happiness in the world - my world - has been sucked dry.

I didn't know it was possible to feel something so deeply for one person. How easy things were when you found your one. I'd always worried that perhaps I'd struggle somewhat, adapting to having someone so close to me and their ways surrounding mine. But if anything, we complimented each other, massively. Everything ebbed and flowed with Jo without question. We slotted together like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, with no friction or force. It was so easy. Now everything is hard and requires much more effort than I'm willing to give.

I miss her. Simply put. I miss everything about her. Her smile, her scent, her taste, the way her little nose scrunched up when she laughed so infectiously, how we effortlessly fell into a routine with each other, holding her while she slept, watching her be her. Just... everything. I didn't realise what I had with her but now she's gone, it hits me every minute of every day.

After we arrived home from a somewhat successful pub night - football-wise, the guys again suggested searching for Jo on social media. So, the following day I spent the day hunched over my laptop on the couch, scrounging around on various social media sites. I went on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and even bloody TikTok, - even though Jo certainly doesn't strike me as the type to use that, I still searched. Knowing her she'd be saying is it a clock or something, just as I would too if I hadn't spoken to the guys.

But, of course, all my searching was to no avail. I found absolutely nothing. Nada. Zilch. I found various Jo, Josie and Josephine Langford's dotted around here in London and the outskirts. Just not the one I'm looking for. She's more private than I am, which I respect. She doesn't overshare her life as too many people do nowadays. But that habit is keeping her hidden from me in the big city of London. I even changed the location to Australia in case her socials said she was still in Perth. But again, nothing.

She's out there. Somewhere. I just have no idea where the hell she is. I found various girls who share the same name, just not the one I'm looking for. Not my Jo. Not my buttons. Not my person. Not my something. All I know is that she's in London. Somewhere. But while London is just one city, it's a big fucking city at that. The chances of me finding her on a whim are slim to none. But my mind won't allow me to accept those odds.

Stretching my arms above my head as far as they can go and my legs below the covers, a yawn falls from me as I hear the front door close. Morgan and Felix will be heading out to work now, while I'm here laying and wallowing in bed. Unlike them, I don't have anything to get up for. I still have my job and despite telling my manager that I'm available to return she told me to leave it until after Christmas which is fast approaching. Our department closes over Christmas anyway so there's no way I'm passing up on an extended Christmas holiday while being paid.

As heavenly as an extended sabbatical is, having expected to return to work as quickly as I left, it only occurred to me last night that I'm basically being paid to mope about and do nothing. My days have consisted of waking up, eating breakfast, watching horrendously boring daytime TV, playing occasionally on the PlayStation, watching more TV, looking on social media for Jo, feeling annoyed and deflated that I can't find her and then faking being okay in front of the guys. Although I don't think I'm doing a great job of the last one.