Love At First Lie | Herophine Fic

I've Not Forgotten

JOSEPHINE

"Because... I fell in love... And I have no way to find him," I manage, feeling my emotions crash back over me all over again. My head falls onto Mia's shoulder and her arms wrap around me tightly but even with her doing this, I know she'll be confused.

Regardless, Mia's hold on me tightens briefly and she just allows me to be. To sob. To cry. To contemplate and remember what I've lost.

"Babe, breathe. Just breathe, Jo," she soothes, tenderly stroking the back of my head. It's rare I cry, rarer that I cry like this. I'm a mess. He left without me. But something deep inside me is telling me that it's not his fault. This is on the producers, I have no doubt about it. They separated us knowing we wouldn't see each other again. And didn't fucking tell us.

Slowly, Mia peels herself from me and combs the loose strands of hair falling in front of my wet face.

"Let me get changed. You get on the couch, I'll make us some tea and then you can tell me all about it. Okay?" Without saying anything, unable to string any words together, I nod yes. As caring as she's being, I can still sense her confusion. And a slight bit of uncertainty too. If the boot was on the other foot and I'd come home to find her like this after God knows how long away, I'd feel exactly the same. She has every right to know what's happened while I've been away. And I know it won't be what she's been expecting.

Squeezing the top of my arms reassuringly, Mia nods before taking herself behind me towards her room. Without looking behind, I pace towards the couch slowly and curl myself into the corner. I wrap the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch around myself. Protecting myself from... I have no idea what. From being back home, not being with him. It's so strange to feel this way. I'm home but it doesn't feel like home.

But I mean what I said. I fell in love with him. Not that it took a lot. He's... him. My days started and ended with him. I woke up to him and went to sleep with him. His arms were my favourite pillow. And what we had just seems to be the routine my body craves. And it's something I can't have. Because he's gone.

I hear a door close behind me, telling me Mia is changed and coming back. But the place is silent. So silent it's deafening. I have no words though. Not yet anyway. All I have is memories and my current thoughts that primarily centre around Hero. The one person who I thought I'd be leaving the house with and stepping out into the big wide world with. But I've not. I feel so alone. Despite Mia's presence.

My eyes don't move from staring blankly down at the floor in front of me. The only noise in here is Mia pottering about with the crockery mugs while she makes us some tea. I've no idea what the hell I'm going to tell her. I've already admitted out loud what I've known for a good while but the rest of it, I don't know if I have it in me to recount it all. But she deserves it. She deserves to know what happened while I've been away and why I am the way I am now.

As she continues to make our tea, my mind wanders away from here and to him. What's he doing right now? Has he spent today miserable as I have? Or is he okay? Somehow my mind doesn't allow me to believe that he is. If I'm not, why would he be? What we had - have, if I can even use present tense now - wasn't fake. It was completely real. It still is in my mind. We still fooled everyone. Right up to us telling them today. They still thought we were real. There's no way he faked everything with me. I won't let myself even begin to think that could be a possibility, it just can't be.

Pulling me from my monologuing, wandering thoughts, I hear the kettle switch flick back into position. Lifting my gaze and turning my head, I watch Mia turn with two mugs in her hand. Steam rises from both the cups as she slowly wanders over to me, concern and confusion both still written on her face.