His lips were soft at first, before a roughness took over and he pressed his body to mine. My hands instantly go to his hair as he cups my cheek with his hand as the other turns into a fist next to my head.
A sigh leaves his mouth, like this is som...
"She lives the poetry she cannot write." -Oscar Wilde
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I hate him. I hate him with my whole heart. I also hate how much I enjoyed waking up with him in my arms. I hate how much he distracts me from mourning my father. I hate how much I like that I'm distracted. Even now, as we're driving home on the free roads, I refuse to talk to him because of how much I hate him. Instead, I cross my arms over my chest and turn away from him.
"I don't even know why you're mad at me." I hear Preece say as he turns the music down on the radio. "I didn't do anything."
I grunt as a reply, leaning my head against the window and closing my eyes.
"Alana." He says, and I'm suddenly pissed that he doesn't say my actual name. I huff and squint my eyes, hoping it will drown out the sound of his whining voice. I can't help but be a bitch lately. It was always my dad who kept me on the straight and narrow, making sure that I didn't act too moody. I've had mood swings. I don't really know why. "Alana." Preece says again, poking my cheek. I swat his hand away.
"It's Leona. Start calling me by my actual name, Preece." I sigh, pressing my palm to my forehead. He chuckles, and I open my eyes to see him shaking his head. Sitting up, I glare at him and he glances at me just as I look away.
"You've never had a problem with it, before." He states, and I know he's getting a kick from pissing me off. "What's changed?"
"Nothing's changed, Preece. Alana's such a dumb nickname to give to someone. My name sounds nothing like it." I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Why are you, like, so annoyed all of a sudden?" He asks, gesturing to me with his spare hand. "Is this about what happened this morning? Trust me, I won't be uttering a word about it to anyone." He assures me, like it's a bad thing to wake up in my arms. Although I did tell him not to tell anyone, it does kind of sting that he wasn't planning on it.
"Preece, please shut up." I say, silently wishing I had decided to sit in the back of the car. "Just take me home." I sigh. Preece glances at me again, before nodding his head and focusing back on the road. He turns up the radio so high, to the point where I can't even hear myself speak. In all honesty, I kind of liked it. It was nice to have music blocking out all my thoughts. But, this particular song. It was my dad's favourite and he always played it in the car when we went on road trips and whenever he was sick of me blabbering about random things.
We're talking away... I don't know what to say... I'll say it anyway... I close my eyes and lean my head on the window, reminiscing in memories of my dad that engulfed me. Today's another day to find you... Shying away...
The song blasted through the car as dad mumbled along to the words. His pinky finger tapped on the steering wheel to the beat of the song. He drove down the motorway, as mum slept at the back of the car. We were going to visit a relative.
"Is she asleep?" Dad asks, looking through his mirror, and I nod my head. He reaches out and turns the volume of the radio down so that it can only be faintly heard. "I love our road trips." He says, his eyes full of content and sincerity amd his smile growing. "It reminds me of how much life we still have to live and how much we wasted. I wish I met your mother sooner. I wish we had you sooner."
"Me too." I say, reaching over and taking his hand into my own. Dad glances over to me, smiling at me. He gave my hand one little squeeze. We have a code, me and my father. Three squeezes means that we're there for each other. Two squeezes means that we're never leaving each other's sides. And one squeeze means 'I love you'.
I'll be coming back for your love, okay?... Take on me... I'll be gone in a day or two... But I'll be stumbling away...
I don't realise I'm crying until I feel the wetness on my hand. Preece is still focused on the road, and I quickly wipe away my silent tears from around my eyes.
I hate remembering my father. As much as it brings me happiness, my heart can't take it. Sometimes, I feel like I can't breathe. It may seem like a long time, but I lose him again every time I wake up. I know that for the rest of my life, every dinner table I sit at, every birthday party I have, every event, I will be missing him. And my heart. My heart will miss him the most.
People say it will get easier. However, no one ever tells you that every ounce of happiness you feel from that point on will be twinged with a little bit of sadness. I've been begging him to come back. Even as a shadow. Even as a dream.
"Are you crying?" My thoughts break at the sound of Preece's voice. We stopped at red lights, and Preece had turned towards me. My eyes are probably puffy from the crying.
"What? No." I say, rubbing under my eyes and wiping away the excess tears. Preece frowns and runs a hand through his hair. Once the lights turn green, we're moving again. HIs eyebrows scrunch and I try to hide my face from him.
"Yes, you are. Or, you were." He says, shaking his head and glancing at me. "Look, we're almost at my house. I'll take you there, and you can come over for a bit, okay?"
I shake my head, moving my hair to my shoulder. "I need to get home. Prima's already worried and I haven't called her since last night." I say, sitting up straighter.
"Alana, you're obviously upset, so just come over for a while. I'm not letting you go home until you tell me what's wrong. Is it me? Are you still pissed at me?"
"No, Preece, you're not pissing me off. I'm not even upset."
"You were just crying."
"No, I wasn't." I lie, knowing that he doesn't believe me. Preece raises his eyebrow at me, before pulling onto a road that I'm unfamiliar with. I'm assuming that he either lives near here, or this is the road he lives on. As I suspected, Preece pulls into a driveway. Then, he turns to look at me. His eyes scan over my face, and my eyes before falling to my blonde hair.
"Just, come in. Get a drink. Rest." Then, I'll take you home and back to your precious Prima, okay?" He asks, slipping off his seatbelt and opening the door. "And, my parents aren't home, so you don't have to worry about introductions. I have no siblings, so that won't be a problem, either."
I don't know when I agreed to any of this, but apparently I did. So, I huff and open the door to his car, jumping out. My feet crunch on the gravel before I meet Preece at the front door of his house. I quickly grab my phone and message Prima, telling her I won't be home till later. I don't tell her why.
