Last Broken Heart ✔️

Chapter 31

"What are you?
To define is to limit."
-Oscar Wilde

Prima had a mini freak out when I got home, exclaiming that she had called me multiple times in the night and was on the verge of calling the police until I walked inside our flat. I love the girl, but sometimes she worries too much. I had explained to her how I ended whatever I was doing with Preece without going into detail, saying that I had gotten bored. She had raised her eyebrow at me, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Who do you think you're fooling?" She had said, and I shrugged it off before making myself some macaroni for lunch.

Now, I'm laying my head in her lap, watching a random movie that she had chosen. I wasn't really concentrating on the T.V., my mind reeling from my last conversation with Preece. After we... said goodbye to each other's bodies in his car, he hadn't said a word to me as he dropped me off outside of my mum's house. I didn't bother going inside the house, I just got into my car and drove off, not looking back.

Prima is stroking my hair, understanding that I'm not in the greatest of moods. "Are you gonna tell me what actually happened?" I hear her say, and I turn to face her. She smiled down at me, and I sigh, rubbing the tiredness out of my eyes.

"He's still hung up on that girl." I told her. "Do you know who Meredith is?" I ask, and Prima tilts her head to the side.

"Yeah, that's Preece's ex. Did he not tell you?" She asks, a confused look on her face. An ex. Of course it is. The ex that he cheated on, and he's still in love with her. Pining after her? I'm suddenly glad I ended it before I got in too deep.

"The girl he cheated on? Meredith is the girl he cheated on?" I ask, sitting up. I'm still in disbelief for some reason, and Prima nods her head slowly, still confused.

"Yes?" She says. "Did he not tell you? I assumed he would. Wait, that's why you ended it?" She asks, and I nod my head. "Damn, Leona." She grins. "Good on you. I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself."

"I don't know why there's something inside me telling me I made the wrong decision." I admit, and Prima tuts, running her fingers through her thick, dark hair.

"Girl, if he's lying to you, or hiding the truth, or whatever, drop him. He doesn't deserve a bad bitch if he can't hold on to you." Prima says, very matter-of-factly, and I don't know what to think. "You're too pretty for him, anyways." She says, grinning at me.

***

My period started that night. And, when it's that time of the month, I tend to watch compilations of men moaning just to feel the tingling sensation in the bottom of my belly. I guess it's where my want for submissive men came from.

The first time me and Preece fucked, I was in control for the most part, and maybe I would have enjoyed it more if he didn't finish on top of me, but I'm not complaining. I know Preece likes to be dominant, I've seen it. He pins me to the bed and doesn't let me touch him a lot when he's fucking me.

This morning, although I felt like I was a little in control, it was all Preece. I didn't move when he told me not to, and I begged for him to let me move. Maybe he's right. I am pathetic.

Is it weird that I want to see the vulnerable side of him when we're having sex? I want to see him submit to me like some of my older hook-ups used to. Anyways, it's too late now. I ended it with him, so I can't fantasise about him anymore. I can't plan for the next one, because there isn't going to be a next. Well, not with him.

Maybe I should get back into the business. I used to go through men like they were chocolate. Every time Prima dragged me to those stupid parties, I'd come back without the ability to walk. Prima would have to carry me home, and we'd joke about whatever man I had just hooked up with. Because I was so drunk half of the time, I'd never remember it the next time, and I liked it that way.

But, with Preece... I never wanted to be drunk when I was with him. I never wanted to forget how I felt when I was so intimate with him. How he made me feel. How my body reacted to his touch. How butterflies erupted in my belly whenever he kissed me deeply.

There's no denying it. Me and Preece were much more than just fuck buddies. Maybe I'll never admit it to him, but I slowly saw him in a different light the more time we spent together. Intimate, or not.

As I lay in bed, contemplating every decision I ever made to be in this situation, I can't help wishing Preece was with me, his arm around my waist and his lips pressed against my temple. But, I'm a woman of my word. If he doesn't want to tell me about Meredith, I'm totally okay with it. But, he'll never see me again after I complete that chemistry exam.

Annoyingly, that thought makes me sad. It makes me angry for being such a bitch to him. For demanding he tells me when he clearly didn't want to. Nevertheless, he shouldn't have called me pathetic or told me that he doesn't owe me anything.

Maybe he doesn't. Maybe this was nothing more than just a quick fuck to him. But, the way he looks at me... it's hard to deny that there were feelings on his side, too. I feel like we built something so special, just to break it all down.

I shake my head, forcing myself not to think of him. We wouldn't work. I don't want to hurt myself anymore, and Preece will hurt me. I promised myself that I won't let my damaged heart get broken anymore. If that means letting Preece go, I will. Because I mean more to me than anyone else.

Maybe I should experiment with other people. Get myself back into the game. Maybe Preece would be happier with someone else.