His lips were soft at first, before a roughness took over and he pressed his body to mine. My hands instantly go to his hair as he cups my cheek with his hand as the other turns into a fist next to my head.
A sigh leaves his mouth, like this is som...
"A bear, no matter how hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise." -A.A. Milne, When We Were Very Young
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A few hours ago, I had taken Leona back to her car, and now, I'm opening the door to a guest. Except, it's not a guest. It's Meredith. I didn't invite her here, but she's here. In my house. Last time she was here, she...
Never mind that. Why is she here now?
"What are you doing here?" I ask her, crossing my arms over my chest as she walks into my house, looking around like everything has changed. Her eyes are glinting and her lips are tilted in a lopsided smile.
"I thought I should visit you." Meredith says, walking into the living room. Huffing, I follow her and see her sitting on the couch. I place my hands on my hips and stand opposite her, glaring down at where she's sitting. "Daniel told me about what he saw the other day."
"Why do you care so much?" I ask, exasperated at this back-and-forth game we seem to be playing. "You're so caught up with what I seem to be doing, and you don't understand that I don't care about you anymore, Mere!"
She grins, tilting her head at me. "Sure you do." She says, adding a fake, sweet smile on her face. "And you're using that poor girl because you can't get over me." She says, in a mocking voice. I turn away from her, shaking my head.
"Me and Leona aren't together." I say, glancing at Meredith. She's looking up at me through her lashes, and there's a small frown on her face. "Daniel didn't see what he thought he saw."
"She's got balls, I gotta say." Meredith adds, completely ignoring what I just told her. There's no way I was going to admit to hooking up with Leona, especially if she's acting like this. We're not kids anymore. She doesn't need to know about my every move, or who I'm with, or what I'm doing. I just want her out of my life. "Sticking up for herself. Most girls can't do that."
"Because most girls-" I say, gesturing to her. "-like to be the ones doing the bullying. Daniel was sticking up for Nate. She had every right to say what she said to him."
"So, your loyalties are with a girl you barely know?" Meredith asks, and I huff in annoyance.
"Why would I stick up for you instead of her?" I ask her, throwing my hands in the air. "What loyalties do I owe you, Mere? The same one you owed me when we were together? The same ones you threw back in my face so you could be with my best friend?"
"No, Preece. The ones we deserve because we've been there for you since we were kids-"
I scoff, shaking my head at the strawberry-blonde haired girl in front of me. "You haven't been here for me. Don't try to convince yourself that you have. You haven't." I spit, glaring at her. "You broke my heart, and then left me. And now, I'm moving on, and you're back. And you're constantly bringing it up, and talking to me, and I hate it. I hate it, okay?"
Meredith shakes her head, standing up in front of me. I sigh, folding my arms over my chest. She tilts her head, grinning mischievously at me. "You don't understand, Preece." She says.
"What don't I understand?" I mumble, already finished with the conversation.
"Why we didn't work out." She says, growing at me.
"Oh, I understand." I laugh, stepping away from her. "I understand perfectly. You cheated on me to be with my best friend instead of just telling me to my face that you never loved me."
"I did love you at one point-" Meredith tried to justify, but I'm not hearing it. I've heard this very speech too many times in the past, and I'm not listening to it again.
Meredith cheated on me and it broke me. The whole time, she was slumming it with my best friend behind my back and when I caught them, they still tried to deny it. Stupidly, I believed them. I guess it's my own fault, because when I caught them in bed, I could blame no one but myself.
And then, I had every right to walk away and I took it. Meredith has hurt me enough times and I had promised myself, no more broken hearts. Mine, or otherwise.
"You didn't, Mere." I say, defeated from all the pointless fighting and arguments. We had too many of them during our relationship and I'm too tired to have another one.
I just want to sleep. Maybe I'll cry, too, but one thing at a time.
"You don't know what I felt, Preece." She adds, coldly. "You don't know how my feelings for Daniel clouded my judgement and I did things I'm not proud of, but wouldn't you? For love?"
"I'd do anything." I say, licking my dry bottom lip. "But, I would never cheat on someone. You'll never understand how painful it is to go through that, Meredith, because you don't have a heart."
She huffs, crossing her arms over her chest. "That girl doesn't deserve you, Preece." She says, but she's wrong. I don't deserve her. My head hurts as more words come out of Meredith's mouth, and I don't take them in because she's so irrelevant. "She won't understand you, not like I did."
I scoff and walk out of the living room. Meredith follows me out and I open the front door, gesturing for her to leave. She cackles like a fucking witch, pressing her palms to her hips.
"I'm not leaving until we talk about this." She says, as if we didn't just spend half an hour screaming at each other.
"We talked. Now, leave." I say, staring at the wall. I hear her huff in annoyance as she walks past me, her fingers dragging over my stomach. I move back, realising now that her touch repulses me.
Before, I would crave for her to touch me. I would beg for it. But, now... I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's like my body has switched off, only desiring the touch of one specific girl But, I've fucked that up, too. I couldn't tell her about Meredith. I may not love her anymore, not like I used to, but she broke my heart. And hearts stay broken for a long time. Forever, sometimes.
For a while, I really wanted it to be Meredith. My one. I truly begged for it to be her. It took me too long to realise that she never wanted it to be me. She wanted Daniel.
As for Leona, I tell myself that it's better this way. A little lonelier, but better. I tell myself she walked away to save herself. I tell myself it didn't mean as much to her than it did to me. I tell myself she was choosing herself. I tell myself that she shouldn't have bothered in the first place.
Sometimes, it's better to leave something if it's not right. Me and Leona aren't right. We wouldn't have worked. We would end up hurting each other more than we already have, and I promised myself I wouldn't let my heart get broken again. And, if it means letting her go, I'll do that.
Some walks you have to take alone. This is my walk.
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