Public diary-?

Friends

So alot has happened over the time I have taken a break.. it all started november 1 (my birthday month) when I was at lunch. I wasn't feeling that great and decided to tease one of my friends next to me but he suddenly snapped and got really mad. I felt taken aback and hurt, but immediately after I became angry. I started making snarky remarks every time he talked but even so I entirely stopped talking to him for about a week before I asked him to apologize becasue I was tired of not being his friend. But he got confused and didn't apologize even after I told him what he did that upset me. A few days later my whole group moved away from me at lunch. I was so confused as to why they left me, and why my Best friend had looked at me as if I betrayed her. I tried ignoring it for as long as I could but the days of sitting alone became overwhelming as thoughts of hatred coursed through me. I texted her one night saying I was sad. She asked me why and I said that they moved away from me. She told me she was pretty upset with me and didn't think we should be friends, I was in my room alone in the dead of night when I got that text, I remember immediately crying and panicking because never did I think I would lose someone so precious to me nor did I ever Actually experience her upset with me. She stopped talking to even after I apologized and said that they "need time" to forgive me. I was confused as to why they would act like this when all I was doing was being a little sassy, then I remembered how selfishly I acted towards them the years that I have been friends with them. I would become sassy and angry on my band days and I would treat them horribly, all because I wasn't happy. I spent my birthday alone that week(day) and I hated every second I was there.