It's my first everything without my cat. My first fall. My first birthday. My first thanksgiving. My first winter. My first Christmas. All without monet. And I feel completely and utterly undeserving of all this. She's been with me since I was born, I grew up with her.
I'm so angry that it's becoming harder to picture precious memories with her, I just haven't seen her in a while. I'm praying, begging to god, please let me keep living in this hell where I cry, and suffer for her every single day because that's the only real connection I have of her without going insane. She doesn't appear in my dreams no more, so what am I supposed to do.
I'm hopeless
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