SuperCorp+

Semicolon (Part 13)

Kara knows that Alex hates when she goes into this sort of mode, but it's not like Kara can help it. Sometimes, the world just gets too overwhelming. Sometimes she's triggered beyond anything any human could possibly understand. This was definitely one of those times. She turns her back on her sister and curls up on herself. It's like she's been thrusted back into that tiny pod in the empty vastness of the phantom zone. She's alone... completely and utterly alone, trapped in a situation not of her own making. Her mind replays the destruction of her planet... of her people... of her loved ones. Even after finding out some of her family survived, it wasn't as big of a relief as it should have been. Her mother helped lead to the destruction. Her aunt tried to kill everyone, and her sister had to kill her in turn. Her father died without trying to stop it.

No. She needs to stop these thoughts. She needs to turn her brain off. She can't go through this again. She can't lose someone else. It's so much easier to just isolate and turn her feelings off. She was destined to be alone. She doesn't know why she even tries anymore. She should've known when the universe prevented her from raising Kal in their culture. She wasn't meant to have a family.

She feels when Alex leaves the bed. She's grateful that her sister didn't try to push her harder. She needs this. She needs to shut herself off from the world. But she can't... at least not completely. She's tuned out her sister, but she can't prevent Lena's voice from sinking into her very soul. Kara's not paying attention to necessarily what is being said, but the soothing tone and cadence she would listen to anywhere at any time. It used to bring her such calmness. It usually soothed her nerves, and it felt like a breath of fresh air. Now, it brings such pain- such glorious and inescapable pain.

She needs to shut it out. She needs to figure out how to block out that voice, but she can't. Blocking that... blocking her out is just... infeasible... impossible... inconceivable. She scolds herself mentally. She should be enjoying as much of Lena as she can get before she inevitably losing her forever, too. Tears start to well up in her eyes. Fate seems to be cruel. She loses her home, her planet, her family. She loses her best friend in high school. She loses her adoptive father. She loses her aunt. She loses Mon-el and Winn to the future. The humans perverted her religion. Nothing was safe. She's already lost so much. Why does she have to lose her, too?

She's almost died, several times, in order to save the world. She's sacrificed so much of her personal life to be a hero and use her powers. She had to juggle so much to have the life that she wanted. When she thought about her future life, there weren't any supervillians. She could help out with simple things and minor threats. She could hang out with the superfriends and work at Catco. And Lena would be there. They would have a puppy together and have so many sleepovers. And if it could turn into something more, Kara would be all for it. But now... now, it can't...

She's saved Lena every single time that she's needed it. But she couldn't save Lena from Supergirl... For a moment, Kara wishes that the crash would've killed her. Dying is easier than this. Dying would save her from this... this torture. She doesn't know what life will be without her. She's not sure she will be able to carry on with Lena. Regret fills her veins and flows to every cell in her body. She's not even sure why she hid the truth from Lena. Looking at it now... there are only excuses. Even with Mxy's private screening, she knows she should have told her sooner. Even... even if she died because of the timing of it all, Lena didn't deserve to be kept in the dark for so long.

Any of those realities would have been less excruciating than this.

Kara's mind drifts, lost in its own world. It takes a moment to register the silence. That comforting voice isn't there. Maybe she decided to go to the hospital... or get a separate room... It's probably for the best. The overbearing silence is what she deserves. All those years ago, she should have stayed in her own purgatory. The phantom zone is her only home after all. Maybe she should go to the fortress and find a way back there.It's where she belongs. The one place she couldn't hurt anyone, and no one could hurt her.