Wish you were gay

Chapter 7; The lyrics

Dream had been hinting all day, hint after hint after hint. He even asked if he'd date male celebrity that was in a movie they were watching but George dodged it and said things like 'He doesn't even know who I am' and 'He wouldn't ask me out anyways'. It made Dream think he was most definitely straight but he was still trying to grasp onto the small chance that George was gay and liked him back.

Today was one of the days Dream locked himself in his room and contemplated life. He hadn't been active on social media in age and according to Sapnap, people were suspicious of his relationship with George. Though, he was still listening to the song and Dream kind of expected people to assume those things.

He started to play the song once again when it ended just so he could pick out the lyrics he related most to.

I laugh alone like nothings wrong- Laughing alone at himself for how stupid he was to fall for a straight boy. a gay guy falling for possibly the straightest guy known to mankind. it was possibly the worst feeling he had ever felt but he still wished for the feelings to be returned. a part of him laughed at himself for liking George but the other part of him genuinely believed George did like him back.

I just wanna make you feel okay, but all you do is look the other way- Hint after hint after hint he never got it. All the flirting and hints he practically threw at him yet George never understood them. He didn't understand the deeper meaning. Maybe he understood and he just didn't like him back, but if he knew about the hints he woudlve surely said something by now.

I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay- These feelings were not leaving. No matter how much he pushed the feelings down they wouldn't leave him alone. He wanted to stay with George for the rest of his life, but these feelings were preventing him from continuing to wish that. The only thing he was wishing for was the chance of George loving him back.

I just kinda wish you were gay- It's self-explanatory. He knew he shouldn't be wishing his best friend was gay but he did. He needed a sense of hope at this point. Dream never knew his sexuality could make him feel so shitty. From stressing out about others finding out to having a breakdown to even praying he found a different person to love. He felt shitty for trying to love someone else when he knew George was the only person he loved romantically. There was no use on wishing the everlasting feelings away.

Ten fingers tearing out my hair- He was stressed. There was no more to this lyric, he was stressed out when he was around George because he was scared George would randomly say he wasn't interested or Sapnap would accidentally slip up about it.

Don't say I'm not your type, just say that I'm not your preferred sexual orientation- Having a crush on a straight guy was a lot harder to deal with than Dream thought it would be. Coming to terms with the fact he liked him was hard enough, but actually looking at him and understanding what those feelings in his stomach were made it ten times harder. He knew he would eventually confess his feelings to George, whether it be planned or accidental, he would slip up about these secret feelings. Either way, he didn't want George to say no because he wasn't his type, he wanted him to be honest about his sexuality when it came to him confessing.

I'm so selfish- Dream felt so selfish, he felt selfish because he loved George so much and he was straight, well, at least he liked to convince himself George was straight. Either way, he still felt selfish for wanting George to be gay so he could have a chance at dating him. Loving someone he couldn't have made him feel so selfish, but he couldn't stop loving him. The feelings he had for George wod be eternal.

But all you do is look the other way- All the hints he had given George and not one had gone through to him. All the flirting and physical touch clearly wasn't enough because George didn't bat an eyelid, he just looked the other way and excused it as platonic flirting or love language. Dream tried, he really did try and send George hints to see if he liked him back but he just didn't listen closely enough to the 'platonic flirting'.

The song came to an end and it immediately started over again as he had it on a loop.

"Dream?" George knocked on the door and opened it to see Dream hiding his face in the crook of his elbow with his headphones on. The music he was playing was so loud he could hear it playing from the other side of the room, even though Dream had headphones on. Instead of just calling his name over and over again, he walked over to him and lightly tapped on his shoulder.

"George?" Dream said, dropping the headphones down on the desk.

"I came to tell you Sapnap fixed the heater but you look upset and you haven't came out your room today."

"What? No, it's fine- I mean, well, I'm fine if that's what you meant."

"I should be here for you but I just don't know how to comfort you. That's sounds like I'm a horrible friend wait sorry-

"George, it's fine, I'm fine."

"No, I'm sorry. I shos be trying to comfort you and help you but it's hard for me to comfort people whe they're upset. You're my best friend so I know how to comfort you based on the situation but I can't help when I don't understand what's going on. I'm sorry."

"I just-"

"I just kinda wish you were gay" The headphones blared out. Dream turned around at his PC and closed the Spotify tab, embarrassment slapping him across the face.

"I'm fine, okay? There's nothing to worry about, can you just leave?"

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong with you. It's been a whole week of you acting strange. You get close to me, then you distance yourself then you get close to me again. Am I saying something that's upsetting you? Please, tell me what's wrong or what I've done wrong so I can help fix it."

"Nothing is wrong."

"So why are you distancing yourself away from me just to come back to me? Why do you love me and then act like I don't even exist?" George said, he sounded scared and worried. Dream didn't know what to do or what to say or what to explain. He just wanted George to know he loved him and George to love him back. He wanted everything to be okay and he wanted George to like him back, even better, the feelings to have never been there to stop all these problems that are affecting him. He felt sick, he felt like he was going to either throw up or cry or even both. He just wanted this to be brushed under the carpet and not be spoken about ever again.

'There was no way George likes me back' was the current though pounding around in his head.

Dream stood up and walked over to the bed, sitting down so he could try to focus on basically anything. George walked over and put his arm around Dream to try and comfort physically rather than verbally as it wasn't something he was good at it.

"Is it me?" The second he said that Dream just broke down. George was unsure on what to do at first but he still tried to do something.

"I'm sorry." Dream said while staying hidden in the crook of his neck. George put a hand in the back of Dream's head and ran his hands through his hair, keeping his hand in place when Dream started to hug him.

"For what?" George asked, softening his voice so Dream would feel more comfortable.

"I-I just am." Dream pulled away and wiped his eyes. He hid his face in the crook of George's neck and wrapped his arms around him once again. George was confused at first but hugged him back.

"Am I allowed to know what it's all about?" Dream froze and then pulled away, he shook his head and then stood up, looking down at George. His mood just.. switched.

"No, can you leave?" Dream opened his bedroom door, signaling George to make his way out of his bedroom. George sighed and stood up, hand slipping off the desk to swing by his side as he walked around. He eventually stood by the door and make eye contact with Dream.

"I'm getting Sapnap involved in this because I'm trying so hard to talk to you to get something out of you but you're not even talking to me like you normally would." George made his way to his bedroom once Dream shut the door on him

"Okay, he's not going to make anything better so there's no point" Dream said, loud enough for George to hear him. He walked back over to his bed and threw himself onto it, borrowing himself into his blankets so he could think about more shitty scenarios.

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