𝙴𝚢𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎

Chapter Thirteen: The Death Of The Past

"Telling you I'm fine, I don't really need nobody. But you say through a sigh that I said that lie already"

-Comfort Crowd by Conan Gray

Monday morning, I woke up to the sound of the alarm from my iPhone, ringing over and over. The noise was loud, stabbing my ears. I groaned, slowly sitting up on my bed. I picked up my phone that was placed on the nightstand. It was October 3rd. October 3rd. I felt a shiver run down my spine. How could I have even forgotten? It seems like my life is going perfectly now that I'm living in New York. I placed my phone back on the nightstand. I stared at the wall, and I could hear the siren wailing in my ear. I could hear the bustling of the doctors and nurses at the hospital. It was all coming back; slowly sinking in until I was drowning. Today, 10 years ago, was the day my brother died.

I swallowed a lump in my throat. I couldn't get out of bed. I just kept staring blankly at the gray walls in my bedroom, feeling a thousand things at once, not knowing what to do. I felt like total shit. Like everything was falling apart. There was an emptiness in my stomach. I didn't cry. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't. Then I felt sick. Like I was going to vomit my own guts. My stomach twisted. I clenched my white t-shirt that has a little sloth on it. I shut my eyes. A tear slid down my flushed cheeks. Then I sobbed. I sobbed for hours. It was probably 10 am by now. I was late for school but I didn't care. The only thing I could think about was an image that was stuck in my head. My brother is lying on the hospital bed. My mother is standing beside my dad. The beeping. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Over and over and over. Until there wasn't a second beep. The same one, it kept going, dragging on, in that high pitched noise, and not stopping.

My mother was weeping uncontrollably in my father's arms. My father tried so hard not to, but he started crying as well. As a kid, I had seen that monitor thing on movies before. And in the movies, that long beep means the person is dead. But I didn't believe it. He couldn't be dead, right? Tragic things like this don't happen to a little girl like me, right?

I scrolled through my phone. I didn't even know what I was doing, it was like I wasn't even controlling my own body. I just couldn't handle being alone with my thoughts, I had to distract myself. My mom wasn't home, she probably went out looking for jobs, acting like it's a normal day like any other. I was tired but I couldn't sleep. A notification popped up on my screen.

"Where are you????" The message read. It was from Lily. I clicked on it.

"I'm sick." I typed.

"Kk I'll leave campus during lunch break and bring you soup :)" She replied. I smiled. Well, that's one good thing to look forward to today. "What's your address?" She asked.

"It's 717 O'Keefe Court, the apartment building, room 221" I told her.

"Kk see you then!!!"

"Bye!"

I heard the doorbell ring. I opened the door. Standing there was Lily, wearing a mask and holding a container of soup, and behind her was James and Itsuki, also wearing masks. I was super embarrassed, because I looked like a mess; I was still wearing my makeup from yesterday, and it was smudge on my face, my hair was a mess, I had dark bags under my eyes, and I was in my pajamas.

"Ciao, Abby!" Lily greeted me.

"Um hi guys," I waved at them awkwardly. "Do you want to come in?" I asked. Lily nodded, walking through the door, the boys following after.