Winters Torture

Part 16

Chapter 16

Bucky laid Emma on the cold lab table as Bruce walked in behind them. Bucky watched as she rolled over facing the wall and crawled into herself. She was shutting him out. She couldn't comprehend that with just a few words, she can turn into someone else. She laid there wondering how many times Hydra turned her into a killing machine.

"Emma." Bucky quietly whispered into her ear. He stroked her arm slowly, "I'm right here sweetheart." He kissed her head and stood to his full height. His eyes met Bruce's, "Can these tests wait till morning?"

"No. I need to draw blood now." Bruce walked over to Emma as Bucky took a step to the side.

Bruce gently spoke to her, "Emma. I'm going to take some blood. Are you okay with that?"

Without rolling over she answered quietly, "Yes." She swung her arm onto her side so Bruce could find an area to take blood from.

"I'll be quick, Emma." Bruce drew a few vials of blood as quick as he could. "Thank you for cooperating, Emma. I'm done."

She took her arm back and squeezed herself as she laid there.

Bruce walked away with the blood samples and Bucky quickly took his place next to Emma. He ran his hand through her hair as he leaned over to talk to her, "Sweetheart. Can you sit up for me? Please."

With Bucky's help Emma sat up and let her legs dangle over the side. Her dress was torn in places. Her shoes were missing. Her hair was a mess. She had an emptiness that sat right in the middle of her chest. She couldn't look at Bucky.

Bucky sat down next to her on the table and kept his arms wrapped around her. He was worried she'd fall right off the edge if he didn't hold her up.

Bruce walked over to Emma to give her a quick exam, "Emma, does anything hurt?"

Quietly Emma said, "No."

"Do you remember what happened?"

She didn't bother to look up and she kept her answers short, "Hydra. The agents were in my mind. I was supposed to kill the Winter Soldier."

"I'm just going to get your blood pressure, and then you can go."

Bruce got her blood pressure as he looked Emma over. He couldn't see any bruises. Nothing looked broken. At least not on the outside.

"Your blood pressure is fine. Rest Emma. We'll talk more later." Bruce walked away to work on her blood work. 

Bucky slipped his arms under Emma and carried her to the elevator. They stepped in as Emma tightened her grip on Bucky and buried her face in his chest. She cried her tears into his suit and Bucky held her a little tighter. He stepped off the elevator and carried her to his room.

They got into the room and Bucky laid Emma on the bed. He shrugged off his suit jacket and slipped off his shoes. He sat on the bed next to her, "Sweetheart. Let me get you into your pajamas."

Emma had no words. She was empty. She slowly sat up. Bucky took that as a yes so he helped her out of her dress. He grabbed one of his t-shirts and put it on Emma. It was so big on her that it fit like a nightgown. Bucky stood up and gently picked up Emma to get to the covers. He pulled them back and tucked Emma underneath the blankets.

She rolled to her side and brought her knees to her chest. She wrapped her arms around her knees and tucked her head down.

Bucky's heart broke for her. He knew what it felt like to be under their control. To have no control of your own mind or body. However, in Bucky's case he always knew what happened while he was under. He remembered everything. Every kill.

For Emma, this was her first time recalling what she did while she was under Hydra's control.

Bucky took off his clothes and threw on some sweatpants. He slowly crawled under the covers and over to Emma.  He snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her back into his chest.  He buried his head in her neck and felt her body relax into his.

"Bucky. Why did you call me Autumn?"

"Autumn was my counterpart when I was the Winter Soldier. We fought together on many missions."

"Did you know I was her? Before today?"

"Sort of. I thought you might be her, but I had no way to prove it. I never saw Autumn's face."

"I wore a mask?"

"Yes. We both did."

Silence settled in for a moment as Emma thought.

"Bucky. How many missions?" She slipped her hand in his.

"A lot."

She started to become agitated. She needed to know, "How many?"

"I'm not sure, Emma. At least thirty."

"Thirty?" She broke his grip on her waist and sat up to face him.

Bucky sat up too, "What's wrong?"

She looked at him as every emotion ran through her. She realized in that moment; her sense of time was off. She tried to calmed herself down, "How is it possible that I don't remember any of those missions?"

"Sweetheart. None of this is your fault. Hydra fucked with our brains."

"Yeah, but you remember what you did. I can't remember any of it."

Bucky looked down, "Maybe you're the lucky one. I wish I didn't remember."

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"How many people did I kill?" Autumn waited for an answer.

"I don't know." Bucky couldn't look at her.

"One? Two? Twenty?" She was yelling at him, "How many?"

"Emma." He took a breath, "You have to remember you weren't you."

"I don't care. Tell me how many." She tried to control her emotions as she waited for the answer.

"At least 50."

Emma started to take the blankets off and swung her feet over the edge of the bed. She put her head in her hands and dug her elbows into her thighs. Bucky reached over and place a hand on her back. Causing her to flinch.

"Maybe I shouldn't stay here tonight."

Bucky's quickly sat by her side and caught her eyes with his, "You aren't leaving my sight."

"Bucky. I tried to kill you tonight. I tried to kill Steve. I'm not safe."

"You aren't going anywhere, Emma. It's not the first time we've tried to kill each other." He gave her a crooked smile.

She looked at him with such a sad look, "Is that your attempted at lighting the mood?"

He grabbed Emma and brought her onto his lap. She wrapped her legs around him and rested her head on his shoulder. "Yes. That was my attempt. Emma, we're safe together. Even if we try to kill each other from time to time."

She sat back to look into his eyes, "Bucky, what if it's not you that I try to kill next? What if it's Nat? What if it's Tony?"

He pushed her hair back with both of his hands, "Sweetheart. Let's get through tonight and figure it out in the morning."

"I don't know, Bucky." She rested her head on his shoulder again, "I'm scared to sleep. What if they get in my mind again?"

"I understand. Just lay down. I'll be right next to you. Try and rest. I'm not going anywhere." Bucky laid her down next to him and covered both of them with the blankets. He held Emma, till she drifted off to sleep. It took him awhile to close his eyes, but he eventually did with a tight grip on Emma.