Right Place, Wrong Time

35. Shameless

When they reached his room, Joey opened the door and switched on the lamp. Lauren closed the door behind them, blocking the last of the noise from reaching them.

"So," he said, gesturing awkwardly to the bed.

"Yeah, this is big enough for both of us," she said.

He blinked at her. "What?"

"I'm not gonna kick you out of your bed."

"I don't mind, Lo." He thought it was obvious when he made the suggestion that he would sleep on the couch, or at least on the floor.

"Are you really going to be that weirded out by sharing a bed with me?" Her tone was light, teasing, but her inability to quite meet his eyes betrayed her hurt.

He reached for her hand, squeezing gently. "Course not." Not weirded out. Just reminded of how he wished she could be there every night. How he longed to pull her closer. Not to mention all the other things he never allowed himself to think about. All the things he shouldn't even want to think about. But she meant more to him than his discomfort, so he'd have to get through it.

"Here." He went to his drawer and pulled out a shirt for her to wear so she wouldn't have to go to bed in her dress.

She was already pulling the dress off unselfconsciously, but he turned his back anyway, a flush gracing his cheeks, fearing that even his gaze would be a violation of the friendship between them, the trust she had in him. He would never break that trust, but he still felt guilty for ever wishing they could have been more than friends.

"You can look," she said, and he could hear the slight smirk in her voice before he turned back around.

He hurriedly changed his own shirt for a more comfortable one, taking off his jeans and climbing under the duvet next to her as quickly as possible, more self conscious than her though there was little of his body still left to her imagination.

"Is this okay?" he asked.

"Mmm," she sighed, settling down into his pillow. "Thank you for letting me stay."

"Of course," he said. He reached out and gently brushed his knuckles against hers, any more contact than that feeling far too intimate while they were in the same bed. "Goodnight, Lo."

"Night, JoJo."

He leaned over to switch the lamp off, plunging them into darkness. Until his eyes adjusted, he was even more aware of the feeling of her next to him, the warmth where the bed was usually empty, the soft sounds of her breathing contending with the thudding of his own heart in his ears. There was no reason for this to be a big deal, and yet he felt like a livewire. And after that moment in the kitchen where he lost control of all reason, this was just as dangerous.

Lauren must have been even more tired than she was letting on, because she was asleep within moments. Joey was left to gaze at her sleeping figure, just visible in the light that seeped in from outside, desperately telling himself that he was okay with this, that it wasn't tearing him apart inside to have her this close but no closer. He sighed, rolling over and squeezing his eyes shut, finally falling asleep.

He woke up before her, dawn light beginning to spill into the room, to her back pressed against his chest. Waking up next to her was something he couldn't afford to get used to. But it was difficult, when she seemed so at home in his bed, her body closer than it needed to be, the warmth of her, the smell of her, the gentle happiness that spread through his chest. He was relieved, though, for the fact that he was awake first so as to avoid an awkward situation, since his body didn't want to behave around her. Untangling his limbs from her as gently as possible so he didn't disturb her, he crept downstairs to make her breakfast.