OT8 ONE SHOTS - Season one

Unlovable - Felix

Felix x Reader

Word Count: 700

Summary: this is a request through my instagram :)

Trigger Warning: EATING DISORDER please remember this is a fiction and the characters are just that fictional. There will be part of this fiction that are triggering to some people, Please be kind and if you have ever been effected by an eating disorder, please read with care.... Love you all XX 

"Just breath. We can do this," you say to yourself. You are at a company dinner. Felix, your best friend, is sitting next to you.

"Everything okay," he says, rubbing your arm. You had struggled with an eating disorder since you were 14.

"Oh yeah, I'm all good", you smile. Felix knew about your eating disorder however was under the impression it had been getting better. It hadn't you told him this, so he didn't worry about you.

He smiled and walked over to his seat. "I just have to make it through today" you were shaking as you took your first bite of food.

"You are doing well..... no one has noticed", you had thought to yourself. You were struggling to hold it down. You excused yourself to go to the bathroom.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Y/N, pull yourself together" you looked at yourself while splashing water on your face. You look up into the mirror from the basin "pathetic", you said aloud. You couldn't even bear to look at yourself anymore. You only ate, so people didn't notice that you secretly hated yourself.

"Look at you....how pathetic," you said again. These are the words you hear in your head when looking into the mirror.

"You make me sick look at you....who could ever love you" you grabbed under your neck "look how big you have gotten" you were most definitely not any bigger; however, the Y/N you saw in the mirror that night wants the Y/N you knew, this person was disgusting, FAT, UGLY, WORTHLESS, UNLOVABLE.

"You know what you need to do, right?" That thought in your head, how easy it would be to just go over to the toilet right now and shove your fingers down your throat. The temptation was too hard to resist.

Ring ring

"Fuck, it's Felix," you said, trying to calm down your sobbing to sound somewhat normal.

"Y/N, you all good?" His voice instantly brings you to tears.

"Y/N, what are you doing?" You could hear him panicking.

"Lix.......I need you" you start to sob. You can hear the phone hang up. At this point, you are hysterically crying while clinging to the bench.

"Move please....coming through......move sir....thank you" was all you could hear as Felix ran to you down the hallway.

"Sir, you can't go in there," a random lady said.

"Ma'am.... respectfully.....shut the fuck up, okay" he pushed the door open.

"Y/N....you didn't....am I too late" he was puffing from how fast he ran to get to you, his hair a mess. He was sweating. He took off his jacket and placed it on the bench next to you.

"Y/N, answer me" he pulled your hand off the bench and turned your body to face him.

"Hey....hey, look at me" he tilted his head down so you could now see his face. His eyes are glossy. You can tell he's about to cry. He lifts your chin as he locks eyes with you.

"No....I didn't" he just pulls you into his chest, and you begin to cry all over again.

"Good....you can always call me yay" his hand held your head into his chest while he kissed on top of your head.

"I'm sorry, lix....I thought I could do this....I'm not strong enough" you wrap your arms around him he places another kiss on your head.

"I'll be strong for you....I got you...you are so loved.... So worthy....So beautiful...you are strong" you could feel his cheek rest on your head as his arms wrapped around you.

"Felix....I wanna go home," you said as you started to come back to reality.

"I'll take you home" he smiled as you pulled back, and he used his thumb to wipe your tears from your eyes.

"I'll stay the night, okay...I don't want you to be alone" for the first time in a long time, you had felt a weight lifted off your shoulders. You had finally felt what it was like to be loved by someone. Felix, at this moment, really loved you. He was willing to stop his whole world from coming and helping you.

You pulled him back in for one last hug "thank you", you say softly into his chest.

"For what" he rubbed your back.

"For being you," you squeezed.