My tomorrow are all mine

Chapter 2

Hey Mama,

I am so sorry I am missing your birthday for another year. I hope everything is going well with the ranch. Tell dad and Hazel I love them and give Henry a kiss for me. I miss them so much. The days here are long and boring. Nothing that I can really tell you but that I am okay and as safe as I can be. I will be home in May and I will be very much ready to ride Honey and see every bit of the changes on the ranch. I miss the smell in the air at home. I miss the grass. More than anything I miss you guys. I hope you guys are making the most of your time away from me. I can't wait for this tour to be over so I can be home forever. I got your cookie tin. Thomas, my friend, ate most of them with his coffee. They got a bit dry and I couldn't bring myself to eat them because it was too much like being in the kitchen at home making cookies with you and Hazel. Watching Henry playing with the flour and icing. That is one of my favorite memories. Our flour fight and burnt cookies. Were you able to talk to Mr. Turner about my job when I get home? I am hoping he will take me on. If not working on the farm is good enough for me. Nothing better than riding horses and fixing fences all day. Maybe I can talk today again about being more than just a hired hand. Well not much else to talk about this go around. So I will let you go. I love you mama. Give everyone a kiss for me.

Your loving son, Gunner

I lay back in the tub and feel the lavender helping with my pain. I read the letter over and over again. They seem like such a close and loving family. I wonder how many birthdays he has missed. I wonder if they make a big deal of birthdays. I have never had a birthday party. Blake doesn't like birthdays so we don't celebrate them. The one birthday I had that was amazing was my twenty second. It was months before I met Blake and I went to an Italian restaurant by myself and ordered the best glass of wine and a lasagna dish. I washed it all down with an extravagant cannoli. I read my book and enjoyed every bite. It was the one and only birthday I have ever had. When my fingers and toes turn to raisins I get out.

As I drink my coffee I stare at the letter and think about how I just messed up a lovely family's week. She must have been waiting for that letter and now she wont get it. I get up quick and grab a notepad and pen and decide to write the soldier back. I thought for a minute about what I would tell him. How should I apologize to him? Is he going to understand my loneliness and need to read that letter? To be honest that letter was one of the nicest things to happen to me in a long time. It was tender and caring, both of which I haven't seen in a long time. I start the letter slowly thinking through each sentence.

Dear Gunner,

I want to start by saying I am so sorry. I was having a horrible day. Well let's be honest it's been a horrible few years and I opened your letter to your mom. I wanted to know how it felt to have a family. I thought maybe these people are happy. So I opened it and I read it. I have mailed it to your mom for you and I thought I should probably let you know what happened. So I hope you are home for her next birthday. Sorry for opening your letter. Stay safe.

Sincerely Florence

P.S. Thank you for letting me feel like a part of a family even if it was for a second.

I packaged up the letters, put stamps on them both and headed for the post office.

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I forgot all about the letters for a month until I got one back. I saw it right away when I got our mail and the yellow envelope said Miss. Florence on it. My heart leap a bit. I was scared but also I wanted to know if he was mad that I opened it.

I waited a few days to open it and especially until Blake was gone. He had a big job so I knew he would be gone the whole day and I would have the day to take a bath and breathe a little bit of life back in my body. Blake has not hit me or blown up the whole time but I have also not talked to him or even made eye contact. He did however try to get me to sleep with him and I faked my period. He wasn't happy with that and made me give him a hand job but that was better than letting him touch me. This way if he does anything stupid all I have to do is squeeze tighter. Then he would have to stop. Not that I would do that but still it makes me feel more in control.