My tomorrow are all mine

Chapter 3

It took me a few days to read Gunners letter and when I did I was a bit heartbroken. I take it out on the porch during the day and drink my coffee. Opening my only friend I have these days and I don't even know who he is.

Dearest friend Florence,

I wish I could say I was happy to get your letter. However you sound so sad I feel it millions of miles away. I shed a few tears thinking about a young girl hidden away in a small town with no friends or family. I am glad you have the bird though. Makes me think of my house back in Montana. Every morning I would sit on the front porch and watch the Chickadees play and sing. That is my favorite time of day. Just as the sun cracks over the mountains. I can't help but think why do you stay? I hope he is worth your beauty. I don't know how you look but I picture you as a beautiful woman. I wish I could rescue you from a boring and secluded life. I can't do anything over here. Everyone has a story untold or not. Everyone has been through something that has changed them. Sometimes for the better and sometimes not. I hope that you're willing to tell me your story. Florence, don't let your light go out. If it does I will be the one with the matches. If you need a place to escape and start over you know my address. I have a stone house in the trees on the ranch. You are welcome to it if you need it.

Your friend Gunner

I read it again and realize that a man fighting in a war millions of miles away can make me feel understood more than I have in my own home in years. Which makes me think letting go and walking away doesn't mean the damage didn't happen. Sometimes people let go so that hate and damage does not control them. Maybe I should do that. Maybe I should just leave. But I can't leave. I can't just pack up my car and leave. He will find me. I tried leaving before and he beat my best friends boyfriend until he broke his nose. From that day on I stayed to protect them. What reading this letter told me is that there is no one to protect anymore. I have done this for years. I have nothing left to lose. I have nothing left to fight for here.

I go in and start my letter back. I get a small picture I had from years ago and place it on the table.

Dear my only friend Gunner,

Your let brought me hope. Your kind words are not unneeded. They don't go unheard either. Thank you for the offer. I will keep it in mind. I do apologize for the messy writing I have a cast on my writing arm. So you will have to try to read this messy letter. I hope you understand me. I really don't like to tell my story but since you don't know me and you're millions of miles away I feel comfortable telling you. I included a photo of myself from six years ago. That girl had a light in her. That girl had the whole world at her fingertips and five years ago it was snuffed out. I met and fell in love with my boyfriend Blake. It was good in the beginning. So good in fact I moved in with him. Soon after I got pregnant. Then I had a miscarriage and from that day on the abuse started. Verbal and mental abuse have nothing on the physical. Most days I am going through the motions to escape the darkness. I did try to leave once and it didn't end well. I decided to just stay so he won't do this to another person. The only joy these days are my coffee and my letters. I don't feel like I have the energy to leave. When I do I feel your stone house sounds like the perfect escape. Thank you again for your kind words. Soon it will be the holidays so I feel I will have something to look forward to. I will never understand what makes people change so much. If I knew then what I know now I would never have walked into the bar. As always, stay safe.

Your friend Florence

I put his letter in my book and went on with my day.

************

Weeks later I sit on the porch and drink my coffee. It has become my new place to be. I don't watch television much anymore. Instead I watch the birds. I watch them play and listen to them sing in the small oak tree we have upfront. I start reading more too and go through almost a book a day. Blake hasn't talked to me or touched me since that night other than asking me what to eat. The yard is snow covered and it's really cold now but I like the snow. I wrap myself in a heated blanket I found at the thrift store. Then add two more blankets to hold the heat and with my hat and coat I am just fine. I just can't sit out there at night. Once Blake is home I have to stay inside otherwise he might hit me again. Last I need is to break my ribs more. I can't fight back if he did.